Woman hasn't dated for 8 years

[Anonymous]

A woman I'm dating said she hasn't been with a man in 8 years (late 40s to mid 50s). She's been divorced for 15 years. Is this cause for concern? Do women with healthy sex drives go this long? We fooled around a little and she seemed to enjoy it but she didn't seem especially excited.

[Anonymous]

I've been divorced for 10 years and I've had sex twice in 10 yrs. I enjoy sex but I have to have time for it. With work, kids, and aging parents, I just haven't had time to date. I'm not going to go out to bar on a Tuesday night and try and find some random guy to sleep with. I work from home so no opportunity to meet someone at the office. It's weird to think of sleeping with a dad from my kids school.

I never thought of it as a cause for a concern. I just haven't had time.

[Anonymous]

It just means she had a lot going on emotionally and/or as a single parent. I didn’t have sex for ten years and now I am, enthusiastically. It’s all fine.

[Anonymous]

Don’t press it. If she doesn’t initiate sex within a few months then drop her. She is not into it, and that’s likely why she got left.

[Anonymous]

Super yellow flag. Either it means that’s she’s had issues for an extended period of time, hasn’t been able to regulate life and dating or voluntarily stayed out of the dating pool. All three could have bad reasons attached.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mid-50s widow and haven't had sex in probably 10 years - sexless marriage for the last few years, cheating / divorce weren't options for me because kids. At some point (hopefully soon), I'll be in the same position as the woman you're dating and have to tell all of this to someone I would like to have sex with. I'm petrified as to how this information is going to be received. Love hearing that there are others who got through a 10-year dry spell and are having fun now!

[Anonymous]

44 and haven't had sex in 7 years this month. I didn't intend for it to be this long, but I guess time got away from me. I will say, that the longer I wait, the more worthy the man has to be to break the dry spell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:44 and haven't had sex in 7 years this month. I didn't intend for it to be this long, but I guess time got away from me. I will say, that the longer I wait, the more worthy the man has to be to break the dry spell.

Maybe I’m missing something but as a guy I’d feel worthy for about 5 milliseconds.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, why do you have to tell him? I’m divorced and hadn’t had sex for about 12 years (sexless marriage and then pandemic). I was enthusiastic, and I’m pretty sure the one I broke the spell with had no idea I was rusty!

[Anonymous]

This will be me I bet. I’m attractive and good sex drive at 38 but going through a divorce with super young kids and can’t imagine even dating let alone intimacy with anyone else. Maybe therapy and time will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been divorced for 10 years and I've had sex twice in 10 yrs. I enjoy sex but I have to have time for it. With work, kids, and aging parents, I just haven't had time to date. I'm not going to go out to bar on a Tuesday night and try and find some random guy to sleep with. I work from home so no opportunity to meet someone at the office. It's weird to think of sleeping with a dad from my kids school.

I never thought of it as a cause for a concern. I just haven't had time.

PP, did you know them? Who were they? What were their thoughts?

[Anonymous]

OP, remember we can all make ourselves happy. Sometimes that is the better option. It does not need to be a red flag. Maybe a yellow, but only maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been divorced for 10 years and I've had sex twice in 10 yrs. I enjoy sex but I have to have time for it. With work, kids, and aging parents, I just haven't had time to date. I'm not going to go out to bar on a Tuesday night and try and find some random guy to sleep with. I work from home so no opportunity to meet someone at the office. It's weird to think of sleeping with a dad from my kids school.

I never thought of it as a cause for a concern. I just haven't had time.

PP, did you know them? Who were they? What were their thoughts?

Yes I knew both of them. One was a coach from my gym. He moved and I happened to be in his new town. I dropped into his class and we ended up going out that evening. The other was someone that had been interested in me 20yrs ago. At the time both of us were married. Now neither of us are. That one could have become FWB but he wanted a relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same situation and I will say one reason is men make things too complicated. I'd rather just take care of business and roll over and go to sleep, which I do about 3x a week.

Men want you to be all sexy, tell them they are great, big, amazing.. blah, blah, blah. They want to mix it up or try something new, flip this way do that move over hear, talk crazy talk, be kinky. I'm like STFU man let's just get at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been divorced for 10 years and I've had sex twice in 10 yrs. I enjoy sex but I have to have time for it. With work, kids, and aging parents, I just haven't had time to date. I'm not going to go out to bar on a Tuesday night and try and find some random guy to sleep with. I work from home so no opportunity to meet someone at the office. It's weird to think of sleeping with a dad from my kids school.

I never thought of it as a cause for a concern. I just haven't had time.

There's nothing wrong with your lifestyle or the choices you made. Kudos to you for taking care your family! You sound like a great woman.

That said, people make time for things that are really important to them. I'd assume sex with another person is not that important to you. If I wanted to be with someone for whom frequent, active sex was a priority, your lifestyle would be a red flag. If I was ok with having sex only when life was going well and there's not a whole lot going on, your relatively sexless past probably wouldn't bother me.