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youngest mom in my play group
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Anonymous
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I am having a really hard time going to my play group. First of all, I am the youngest mom by at least four years. I think the next closest in age is in the 29-31 range. I am treated like a pariah. I have read through several forums here (http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/19093.page & http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/35459.page) that seem to prove the cards are stacked against me and none of these moms will ever take me seriously. Second, contrary to what seems to be the opinion of some moms, I am educated, successful and financially secure. We have months where we bill fewer clients but I always have my back-up savings, which I rarely touch and try to forget exists when I am shopping. Still I feel like HHI is neither here nor there. My DC is well fed, clothed, given shelter and seems to be the happiest baby in existence. We don't want for much and I am content that I will be able to give the same lifestyle to my DC. Travel... Education... It is all possible.
Still, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown before play group. It feels like the playground in junior high all over again. It is exhausting trying to approach other moms and strike up a conversation. I am always out on a shaky limb. I want to know if I am really so bothersome, as I feel, and do I look like such a fool? Do I need to find a different play group? Obviously, I need to buck up and stop being so sheepish because it's going to be the same everywhere, right? I would love a play group or some sort of meet-up for young moms but I get that we are few and far between in this area. Give me some CONFIDENCE!!! TIA |
Anonymous
| Find a new playgroup. They sound lame--why waste your time? A nice group of moms would be more inclusive. The farther you go out in the suburbs, the younger the moms in general, if you are looking for some younger moms. |
Anonymous
| Sorry, but my first impression when I read the title of this thread was "get over it." |
Anonymous
| stop hanging around old, bitchy moms. |
Anonymous
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Yeeks, that sounds horrible. I'd try to find a different playgroup.
I dont' do playgroups, but we are just now venturing into playdates. I focus more on the kids my son wants to play with than the other mom. But I have yet to find a mom that we didn't have something to talk about. One mom I just discovered is basically half my age. Besides making me feel old, I don't see what this has to impact anything. We both have kids the same age, why does it matter how old we are or how much we make. I think you are just hanging out with the wrong crowd - or maybe "groups" of women become more catty. Try some smaller playdates with kids. |
Anonymous
| It's a playgroup, not a competition. If you find yourself getting caught up in trying to "prove yourself" to these women, you're not going to have fun. There are laid-back older moms and super-uptight younger moms...you just have to find the right group. For example, if you were in my playgroup and I noticed that you were looking nervous, I would make a big effort to include you in the conversation, ask for your opinion, make a comment about how cute your DC is or SOMETHING to make you feel more at ease. If these women aren't doing that, then maybe they're just bitches who are trying to exclude you. |
Anonymous
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We just moved to the area and from what I am finding, I am also a younger mom (31 with a 2yo) even though I certainly don't feel that young-two masters degrees, four years of full time work experience in my field, etc. etc. Yet the moms I've met through DC's daycare and around the neighborhood seem much older and don't seem to take me seriously. I often get mistaken for the babysitter, and doesn't help that I look young for my age either. . .
I've learned that half the battle is having confidence. If you are confident and act like you belong (as in, equally educated, experienced, intelligent, etc.) hopefully they will warm up and realize you are an equal, even though you might be younger. Maybe start be befriending the younger moms of the group. Could it also be because you are new? Being new to a group is always hard, even without being the youngest. Of course, if going to play group is causing you this much stress, I would find another group 
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Anonymous
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maybe they are jealous of you. I am an older mom, but love hanging around moms of all ages. It sounds like you've fallen in with a tough crowd. I don't believe you should do anything that causes that much stress or anxiety.
I am not sure where you live so can't help out with particulars in meeting some moms more in line with your age group. I actually used to really like the nannies and au pairs in my old neighborhood that were early-20 age range. They were really fun to talk to and my kids played with the children they looked after. I never understood the divide some moms have over 'the help' and the kids. I WAH and a lot of the ppl at the parks are the nannies and au pairs so I've developed relationships with them and they all know my kids. |
Anonymous
Who are these ppl?!?!! My best mom friend had her daughter is 27. Her daughter is almost 6---she is now 34. I am 40 with a 2.5 year old and about to turn 5-year old. We have tons in common despite our 6 year age difference. In fact- she is more mature than me . We go out as couples with our DHs as well and have a blast. I am often mistaken for about 5 years younger than I am ---maybe that has to do that I don't act old and refuse to mingle with younger women. WTH--what is up with all of the age discrimination around here? I came back from living in Berlin adn didn't feel it all---my best girlfriend from Germany is also 7 years younger than me and just got married.
How do you know ppl 'dont' take you seriously?" I sometimes wonder if it is in our minds only. |
Anonymous
| I was a first time mom at 24. All of my mom friends are 10-15 yrs older than me and it doesn't matter one bit. I've never felt like anyone looked down on me at all. It sounds like you ahve a chip on your shoulder and/or are a troll. |
Anonymous
or maybe it's just not a good playgroup fit for her! It's perfectly possible that this particular playgroup is composed of older moms who aren't being friendly. I've been in enough playgroups in my lifetime as a mom to learn that they have VERY different vibes. Some I was comfortable in, some not at all. Some are quietly competitive, some not at all etc. etc. OP--I think as hard as it is, you should probably find another group. I know how hard it is to meet new friends when you're a mom but sometimes you have to cut your losses. |
Anonymous
| My old playgroup had a range of 8 years between youngest and oldest, and it was never a problem. Culturally, we were very similar: white chicks with 2 kids, middle to upper middle income. Politically we were more diverse, but still not a problem. Sorry for your experience. |
Anonymous
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I'm also a younger mom surrounded my older moms at the little gym, library and playgrounds. During one class I am completely left out from the "older mom" conversations. while my playground "older mom" friend is super cool. She looks older and I could probably be her daughter, but you can't tell from a conversation. Our kids play great together and we have lots in common.
OP - It's time to find a new group. |
Anonymous
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You can do this! My DH had his son when he was 17... now at 31 we are so much younger still, and it is still very noticable to others. I'm the same age, and we get quite a few comments...
Just charge on and be yourself. Most people will settle in and adjust. Some don't, but we just ignore and stay pleasant...We are goo Sometimes people seem like they are being mean or annoyed, but really they just aren't the outwardly warm and fuzzy type - have you considered some of that may be the case? |
Anonymous
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I was 27 when my daughter was born, we we were in the same boat as you are. Just to the PPs, these people most certainly exist and they are obnoxious. When I was pregnant people were so rude to me. You'll find women who are in their 20s when they have children referred to as "trash" on these DCUrbanMom boards. Literally.
Anyway, just keep looking for more groups. Don't go ahead and age discriminate yourself, just keep going to new groups and find Moms you get along with, regardless of their age. I found a group finally of women ranging from 6 months younger than me to 6 or 7 years older than me and it took us a long time to get there. The very large groups are easier to break off from into smaller groups of people you connect with. |