Coach doesn’t like my child
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Anonymous
| It has become very obvious and I don’t know why. Other coaches at practices will tell DD that she played well but the head coach never does. DD is a solid player and a very nice kid. Is there a way to bring this up with the coach? Or should I just accept that the coach has a problem with my kid and move on to another team when we are able to do so. I would love to hear about similar situations that others have experienced. |
Anonymous
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OP - what age are we talking, and what kind of team? Rec, club/travel, HS etc…
Is there another parent you can check in with about this? Do they agree with what you say is obvious? Is there something else going on besides head coach not praising your DD? Is she getting constructive feedback from the coach? If your DD isn’t a little, then what’s her take on the situation? Your post didn’t indicate was her experience is being on this team. |
Anonymous
| Is the coach outwardly nicer to the other kids? Could he just not feel like he can "like" any of them? |
Anonymous
That’s the worst part. The coach is nicer to some of the kids. DD is only 11 but fairly perceptive. She isn’t receiving much feedback either which is more important to me than praise. At least a few other parents have also noticed. |
Anonymous
| I've not had luck in that scenario. Bringing it up makes the coach defensive and even less likely to like your kid. If the coach was mature and professional enough to handle the conversation well, you wouldn't even be in a position to need to have the conversation. |
Anonymous
| Trust your instincts, move on when you can, and don’t look back. |
Anonymous
|
How old and how experienced is the coach in coaching girls?
There are a couple of different approaches a coach can take with a team of girls/young women. (1) be generally neutral but treat and act the same for everyone. Frankly, this is the approach younger men coaches need to use. And, it isn’t a great approach for many kids and young women. Ideally, you would not have a younger man coach for those age groups. It works okay for older age and higher level kids as they are more (though still not entirely) focused on technique and play. (2) Be friendly/inclusive with everyone. Again, it is difficult for younger coaches to know how to do this - remember few are parents, and none will have kids that age if they are parents. Older men who have a couple teen daughters- no big deal. Look for good coaches with at least a few years (5 or more) experience coaching girls your kid’s age. I would add, young women coaches can also be an issue. Sometimes the young women coaches are former high level players/athletes and bring a mind set that worked for them, but is not good for younger lower level players/teams. It’s not your job to teach the coach. But, it is your job to find good coaches that work for your kid. Look for coaches who have at least a few years experience coaching girls/teens your kid’s age. |
Anonymous
| Look for a new team. If others are noticing, it’s a problem. |
Anonymous
To clarify, the coach seems to be favoring a few kids and there is very little feedback for the others. |
Anonymous
Is it because the others aren't contributing? Coaches always pay more attention to their star players. If they've written a kid off, that kid won't get feedback. |
Anonymous
| My kid has been there for some teams. If it's club, move. If it's a school team or FCBYL, just get through it. i think it's a good experience to learn that not all leaders are good leaders |
Anonymous
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As I see it there are three issues here:
1) Coach doesn't like your kid as much as the others. 2) Coach doesn't praise the kid when they play well. 3) Coach doesn't give the kid feedback on how to improve. 1...there isn't much you can do about this. The reality is that people always will like some more than others. 2...this isn't really worth worrying about either. And not much you can do 3...this is where she should take action. She deserves actionable feedback from her coach on how to improve her play. Have her approach the coach and ask for feedback. But only do this if she is prepared to listen non-defensively to the feedback and try to improve. |
Anonymous
| LOL. Just curious but what would you say? "Why don't you like my DD?" Move on OP. |
Anonymous
What happens if your kid plays the same position as the coach's kid? It's happened twice to my kid and that was the situation both times. If you just stuck getting minimal playing time because the coach's kid is obviously a star, you just have to grin and bear it |
Anonymous
You may still get less playing time and may want to consider switching teams, but that doesn't mean you can't get feedback on what you need to do to improve based on the limited playing time and practice performance. |