Therapy hurting not helping
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Anonymous
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I have been making huge strides since leaving therapy. I think it was somewhat helpful to sort out my feelings but every visit I felt pulled back into a rut of bad thinking. I didn't seem to improve and often felt much worse.
Since stopping, I simply don't have the awful sadness, moping and self deprecation. What gives? Has anyone heard of an experience like this? I had huge anxiety towards certain triggers before. Now, those triggers have been much stronger and directed at me but I am simply brushing it off as no big deal (literally laughed it off several times) while I would have been floored before. I don't understand this and would love to hear of any possible explanations. |
Anonymous
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I have a possible explanation, but not one you will like.
Therapy can be painful partly because it involves working through psychological injury. It’s like PT for the brain. What you are doing right now may be the psychological equivalent of deciding to quit a normal life activity like walking to avoid the pain of PT. Brushing things off can reflect healthy boundaries—it can also reflect great skill at dissociation, which is not a healthy thing. Maybe not. Time will tell. |
Anonymous
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DCUM and many people are quick to always recommend therapy for everyone for everything. I don’t always think it helps. Maybe the PP is right and it feels bad because you are working through things. Or maybe you had a bad therapist dwelling on the past when it’s healthier for you to just move on.
I’ve tried many therapists over the years found it time consuming and stressful or just annoying. I’ve gotten better advice on here from strangers and felt much better repeating some of their words and then going about my day. |
Anonymous
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You may have learned some skills that you are applying.
It’s also possible that the type of therapy was causing you to ruminate, which is a well-known cause of depression and anxiety. There are lots of bad therapists out there. |
Anonymous
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When therapy was first created, it way supposed to be short term, a couple weeks at most or maybe just 1-2 sessions. Learn to recognize triggers, recognize and work through trauma, learn appropriate responses, etc. then move on. It wasn't supposed to be long term and wasn't supposed to be about dwelling on issues. Just fix the problem and move on.
You have recognized your problems, learned better responses. Maybe it's time for you to move on. |
Anonymous
| A lot of therapy is worse than useless and just encourages already self-obsessed people to ruminate further. There are some that teach useful techniques like CBT of whatever. But most therapy has no proven science behind it. It is just the religion of the moment. |
Anonymous
Oh? When was this? |
Anonymous
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I just read a study that you can overdo the 'gratitude thing'.
People that looked daily for gratitude and journaled daily about it were less happy. Studies have shown that not everyone benefits from gratitude practices such as counting your blessings — and some people might actually fare worse. Participants who counted their blessings once a week showed significant improvements in well-being, but those who did so three times a week showed either no benefit or slight decreases in well-being. https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/26/health/how-gratitude-practices-work-wellness/index.html#:~:text=Participants%20who%20counted%20their%20blessings,slight%20decreases%20in%20well%2Dbeing. So OP, I couldn't help but see how this might align with your therapy experience. Sometimes the ruminating and intense focus on self is not beneficial for happiness and well-being. I think therapy is really overdone a lot of time. Yes- it can be very helpful when targeted and used at certain times in life. But, it's not for everyone. I am not a "therapy person". I am an exercise, write, talk with friends, read, and 'get over myself' type of person--but if I were to go through something traumatic or had a troubled childhood, etc., I could see the benefits. |
Anonymous
| Op here, I think the ruminating was the big problem and as pp said "intense focus on self". The mere thought of going back feels dangerous and miserable. The people/issues I worried about seem so unworthy of a second thought now. I have things to do and bigger fish to fry, I hate that I wasted time and was unfocused. |
Anonymous
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If you find over the next months, 5 months, year you are still doing great, maintaining friendships, managing work stress, coping with life's bumps in healthy ways well then great. Not everyone needs therapy. Awesome!
The thing is the few people I know who go out of their way to bash therapy as opposed to just not getting it, but not needing to make some grand proclamation....are people who need it. I have plenty of friends who never got therapy that i know of and are doing great. They have naturally good coping skills and I even learn by watching them. I have a former friend who was an alcoholic who kept relapsing and she every time she dumped all her therapies, thought it was beneath her, hit rock bottom, ended up rehap rinse repeat. My sister refuses to stay on meds and stay in therapy. She thinks it's stupid and for weak losers. Then over time she gets fired or has some work blow up, another friendship or dating relationship explodes, etc, etc and my sister sinks into a deep depression where she is the victim and everything is everyone else's fault. When she no longer has anyone willing to listen to her rant, she gets therapy and meds again and functions well...until she repeats the cycle. What they all have in common is this strange need to bash getting help for mental health. |
Anonymous
| Idk OP it kind of sounds like it worked? |
Anonymous
THIS. Honestly sometimes for some people therapy is worse. |
Anonymous
Are you talking prior to the Freudians because they certainly never meant it to be short term? You were in that mess for life. |
Anonymous
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It probably was a bad therapy fit. I’ve never benefited from therapy myself. But I tend to stay with therapists who aren’t helping me for fear of hurting their feelings or restarting with someone new, rather than continuing on to look for someone who I actually feel comfortable with. In some ways I think I always felt fake at therapy, so leaving/quitting always felt like a relief or a burden was lifted from my life.
I’m watching the show Couples Therapy now and it’s really interesting to see what a different type of therapy looks like. My therapists were nothing like this therapist. Great show, by the way. |
Anonymous
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Two things:
A. Not all therapists are good at what they do or are even good people: some of them get off on having that kind of access to your inner world and wielding power. B. Therapy is not a panacea, and I say this as someone who’s benefited greatly from therapy. There are many other, better healing modalities but they take a lot of time and dedication and consistency and self-starting, so most people think it’s therapy or bust. |