Left-out Groomsman? Or just not told yet I'm in wedding?

[Anonymous]

I have a great friend that moved to the West Coast. I'd consider him my best friend, although he has many friends from childhood and before me. He had told me that I would be a groomsman on multiple occasions prior to the engagement, including maybe 2 months before the engagement. From googling, I found their wedding web site on the Knot. It's mostly filled out, except Registry. Then, it has a Wedding party page, and it has pictures and names of 6 women and then 5 guys, of which I am not one. I'm also not on social media, so I'm not sure if it could be that they didn't easily have a picture of me. And I don't know if the web site really is "public" yet or they just worked on it a few weeks ago to get it started. Do you think it's possible that I am the 6th, but for whatever reason, they didn't include me because they couldn't find a picture? The wedding is not until August of 2024. Or do you think I should probably accept that I'm probably not in this wedding party?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, but this truly reads like something a woman would write. I have three brothers and engagement and wedding stuff like this would not be on their radar screen. It would be on mine!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are not involved and I’m sorry if that hurts you.

But, only because he mentioned it so recently, I would ask. “Congratulations on the engagement! Do you still want me to be a groomsman? I’m happy to do it if you want me to or I’m happy to be a guest, just let me know so I can plan properly. It’s all good, ether way.”

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. Hard to say because, while I would think you are not, men can be a bit scattered with the wedding planning process. My DH was recently informed he’s going to be best man at a wedding that’s happening in 5 months. He had no idea he would be in the wedding party at all.

Can you contact your friend to get a read? Just to say hi etc?

[Anonymous]

She may not want you included in the wedding party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this truly reads like something a woman would write. I have three brothers and engagement and wedding stuff like this would not be on their radar screen. It would be on mine!

Totally a woman trying to figure out why her SO isn't in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP - not a woman, but I can see how it reads that way. I haven't been in a wedding before and have no brothers (all sisters) so that probably is why it reads melodramatic. I have a great relationship with the future wife. Thank you for these comments!

[Anonymous]

He has no pics of you that he could use?

[Anonymous]

He does, probably on phone. I'm assuming it is the wife that did all of the Knot stuff though. And the other pics of others are probably from Instagram and easily found. But I agree with the general consensus of the group: probably not part of wedding. Thanks for these comments.

[Anonymous]

Ouch. I can see why this would be both confusing and upsetting. I think it could still go other way considering numbers are uneven. Agree with PP that it would be ok to bring it up casually saying you’re happy to be a groomsman, usher, or whatever is needed. Maybe there is a brother or cousin the parents are forcing them to include.

[Anonymous]

Either.

[Anonymous]

Stop being a little beeeyach and don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Just be direct - say I heard you set a date - Congratulations! Do you still need me to be groomsman? Totally fine if you made different plans since we last talked about it - want to plan for whatever you need me for. Congrats again - so nice to see you so happy.

[Anonymous]

I would not ask as others have suggested above. No reason you need to force him to have an awkward conversation like that. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out because everyone else in the party is in a HS group or college friend group, so it’s awkward to add one person who doesn’t know the rest. Or if he added you, he might have to add 2 others too, and then the numbers don’t match up, etc. hope you don’t feel offended! I left out bridesmaids who I felt really close to, because I only chose 6 from my college friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are not involved and I’m sorry if that hurts you.

But, only because he mentioned it so recently, I would ask. “Congratulations on the engagement! Do you still want me to be a groomsman? I’m happy to do it if you want me to or I’m happy to be a guest, just let me know so I can plan properly. It’s all good, ether way.”

These are only two choices. The third choice is that you are not in the wedding and not invited.

OP, I would not ask if he wants you in the wedding. If he wants to in the wedding, he knows he needs to tell you. Even if his wife or a planner is handling it, they will advise him in due time to reach out to you. That is if he even wants you in the wedding. Either wait for his contact or wait for the save the date. He need to let you know the logistics anyway.

I think part of the problem is you’re getting advice from mostly women on this board, including me. Women would be all in their feelings and would NEED to know - which is why it sounds like the original post was written by a female.