Left-out Groomsman? Or just not told yet I'm in wedding?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry this happened. It's tough. Someone who had been a very close friend since middle school got married in our late 20s and she had about six bridesmaids but didn't include me. Some of these people were recent friends and the friendships didn't last. She did invite me to the wedding and I did go. We stayed friends for about five more years and then she ghosted me.

I had the feeling that I (and another friend that was also not asked to be a bridesmaid) were reminders of the past that she was eventually done with. She wanted to be a certain way for her husband and I think that meant we didn't fit in anymore. I don't really know why, but she was done with us.

It hurt me a lot when she dropped me but life goes on and I had other friends and my focus was on other things. But it did hurt and it took me a while to get over it.

All that said, I suggest saying nothing about it and see if you are even invited to the wedding. You will get the message of where you stand with him and your importance. You also don't have to attend if you are invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not ask as others have suggested above. No reason you need to force him to have an awkward conversation like that.

+1

And I'm sorry, OP. But sometimes there are other factors affecting # of groomsmen that have nothing to do with your friendship. I hope you'll still go to the wedding, like a good friend would. Your friend will hopefully really appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

It's a little odd that the numbers are not even, so this could go either way. How long ago did they get engaged?

[Anonymous]

If you’re good friends, just ask him!

Twice I’ve had friends not include me. One said the numbers weren’t working but she’d like me to give the toast. Another was a newer friend when she got engaged (great friend by the time the wedding occurred and for the past 15 years) and said she regretted not picking me. I’m glad she didn’t - we took an amazing vacajron and got back 48 hours before her wedding and we couldn’t have done that if I’d been a bridesmaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re good friends, just ask him!

Pls DON’T do this. It’s in poor taste.

If he wants you to be a groomsman, he’ll ask you. If not, he won’t. There’s your answer. (Despite what he said prior to being engaged.)

[Anonymous]

Have you been invited?

[Anonymous]

OP - 5 months ago in Paris (engagement)

[Anonymous]

OP - Not invited yet. It's not until August of 2024 and I don't think they've sent that out yet. I'm at least confident on getting an invite to the wedding since it's a big one.

[Anonymous]

OR

OR

You could reply: What would we be WEEEEAAAARING? To gauge your true relationship, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this truly reads like something a woman would write. I have three brothers and engagement and wedding stuff like this would not be on their radar screen. It would be on mine!

No kidding!

[Anonymous]

OP - FWIW, the other guys chosen are all living in Seattle where the wedding will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - FWIW, the other guys chosen are all living in Seattle where the wedding will be.

Most people would rather not be in; maybe he thinks he’s doing you a favor by saving you the extra money, time and trouble

[Anonymous]

The posts about OP "acting like a woman" are pretty lame. It's 2023. Guys can get upset about this, just as a bridesmaid could. Men aren't robots. So, your husband or brother wouldn't care like OP would? Great, good for them and you! Want a prize for their lack of emotions?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like part of this is a proximity issue if all his groomsmen are living in the same place as him. It may have been a way for him to limit the amount of people he asked with a good excuse. Say he had 3-4 other friends like you that he also had pictured being a groomsmen. And also has these 5 men that he's close to that live near him. Instead of either having to have a party of 9 guys or leave out a couple, he opted to just ask the ones who live near him and that's a good way to keep the peace.

It does not seem like he has plans to ask you. I think ending a friendship because you weren't asked to be in the bridal party is a bit ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry this happened. It's tough. Someone who had been a very close friend since middle school got married in our late 20s and she had about six bridesmaids but didn't include me. Some of these people were recent friends and the friendships didn't last. She did invite me to the wedding and I did go. We stayed friends for about five more years and then she ghosted me.

I had the feeling that I (and another friend that was also not asked to be a bridesmaid) were reminders of the past that she was eventually done with. She wanted to be a certain way for her husband and I think that meant we didn't fit in anymore. I don't really know why, but she was done with us.

It hurt me a lot when she dropped me but life goes on and I had other friends and my focus was on other things. But it did hurt and it took me a while to get over it.

All that said, I suggest saying nothing about it and see if you are even invited to the wedding. You will get the message of where you stand with him and your importance. You also don't have to attend if you are invited.

You ended a friendship because you weren't asked to be a bridesmaid and you made assumptions about her reasons? What a drama queen.