Sensitive situation

[Anonymous]

A colleague of mine had a child die tragically about 2 years ago. She was off work for about 6 months and then returned. It was clear when she returned that her head was not at work and so we picked up 95% of her workload. She came in late, left early and barely went through the motions. We covered for her and did her work for her and tried to ease life at work as much as we could. We knew she needed the job and income. However now we are two years in and she is still is probably at about 20%. The other 3-4 of us are still doing almost all of her job and giving her the work to submit or work from. Additionally around various sensitive dates (birthday, deathday etc) she just doesn't function for weeks at all. She doesn't sleep and that is a big part of why she can't function. She also has other kids at home (and has a supportive husband) and she wants to put the energy that she does have into her family and her kids who obviously also dealt with a major trauma.

On one hand, I can't imagine what she has gone though and maybe we should just keep picking up the work long term but on the other hand, people are starting to grumble and get frustrated that she hasn't resumed more of her responsibilities. Some feel kind of taken advantage of and some on the team have started to refuse to do her work leaving others to do even more. (I am one of the ones still doing most of her work)

I really don't know how to move forward. Management know she is struggling and not at 100% but they don't realize how much of her work we are doing for her. They offered her more time off but she needs the money.

She is an absolutely lovely person. Hence why we have stepped in for her but I am not sure if we just continue indefinitely doing her work due to her trauma and tragedy?

[Anonymous]

This seems like it’s above your pay grade to deal with. If management is sympathetic, and it off to them to address.

[Anonymous]

That's an awful position to be in, for everyone. My DH had an executive admin who had the same thing happen. Problem was that she had nobody to cover for her, so he essentially had to do most of it himself and I did what I could to help (travel arrangements, that kind of thing). As much as you want to help, it's unsustainable for the long term and not fair to you or your colleagues. Your management needs to know how much of her work you are doing. They need to make a decision or talk to her about it. It's been so long that she might not even realize any longer how much of a burden she is placing on all of you, and how much you are helping her out. I would suggest either having a direct discussion with her, or going to a sympathetic/kind manager to see how you can all help resolve it short of her being terminated, of course.

[Anonymous]

I would gradually pull back from covering for her and let the situation be seen by the management

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would gradually pull back from covering for her and let the situation be seen by the management

I would try this. What does she say about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would gradually pull back from covering for her and let the situation be seen by the management

Me too. Management doesn't have to manage the situation if others are doing the work. This is above your pay grade OP.

[Anonymous]

She probably does not realize how much everyone has been doing. Depression, trauma and sleep deprivation can easily do that to you.

So she needs a heads-up. I'm sure she is capable of doing the work, and putting more energy into it might even be good for her mental stability, if it tires her out and makes her a little less prone to insomnia.

I'm sorry. It's an awful situation.

[Anonymous]

This os what long term disability is for. If your company offers it then she can get some % of her salary (60% at my company) to go and grt therapy and recover. And find a temp or some other hire to make sure the work is getting done and the morale is ok for the rest of the team.

[Anonymous]

It’s easy for management to be sympathetic on your backs.

That said I wouldn’t assume they would backfill for her if she is terminated. You’ve proven you don’t need her…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would gradually pull back from covering for her and let the situation be seen by the management

It is a bit tricky because we produce as a team. Basically our team needs to produce x,y and z deliverables by a certain date. No one really knows who does what - it is just up to us as a team to ensure the deliverables are ready by the date. Even our management doesn't really know who does what. We are given the project and deliverable and distribute the work and tasks amongst ourselves.

She is very appreciative and always says she will pick up the bulk of the work of the next project and make it up to us but she just isn't capable of doing that and so we do it anyways because we know she won't be able to do her assigned work let alone any extra.

We can't really just not produce deliverables. That would look really bad for all of us and cause issues for the company with its clients. It is more just that instead of being a team of 5 doing the work, we are a team of 4. What also irritates people is that in meetings with management, she will speak up as though she has done a lot more work than she has. I am sure she is trying to project her job but a couple people on the team find it very offensive when she speaks to work they have done and she indirectly takes credit for it.

[Anonymous]

Give her clear asks with a deadline.

[Anonymous]

Someone in the team is managing the work and assigning tasks. Whomever that person is needs to start documenting who is being delegated what and what the outcomes are. During that persons 1:1 with their manager, they need to bring up that Sally was given 3 tasks and did not deliver but Mary stepped in to make sure the team still met the deliverable.

Someone needs to start creating the paper trail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would gradually pull back from covering for her and let the situation be seen by the management

It is a bit tricky because we produce as a team. Basically our team needs to produce x,y and z deliverables by a certain date. No one really knows who does what - it is just up to us as a team to ensure the deliverables are ready by the date. Even our management doesn't really know who does what. We are given the project and deliverable and distribute the work and tasks amongst ourselves.

She is very appreciative and always says she will pick up the bulk of the work of the next project and make it up to us but she just isn't capable of doing that and so we do it anyways because we know she won't be able to do her assigned work let alone any extra.

We can't really just not produce deliverables. That would look really bad for all of us and cause issues for the company with its clients. It is more just that instead of being a team of 5 doing the work, we are a team of 4. What also irritates people is that in meetings with management, she will speak up as though she has done a lot more work than she has. I am sure she is trying to project her job but a couple people on the team find it very offensive when she speaks to work they have done and she indirectly takes credit for it.

Then they need to escalate it to their supervisor. Look, the situation is not sustainable. She's aware enough of what you all do to cover for her, and she's cognizant enough to try to take credit for work she has not done. This would be an indication that it's time for a frank conversation with management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A colleague of mine had a child die tragically about 2 years ago. She was off work for about 6 months and then returned. It was clear when she returned that her head was not at work and so we picked up 95% of her workload. She came in late, left early and barely went through the motions. We covered for her and did her work for her and tried to ease life at work as much as we could. We knew she needed the job and income. However now we are two years in and she is still is probably at about 20%. The other 3-4 of us are still doing almost all of her job and giving her the work to submit or work from. Additionally around various sensitive dates (birthday, deathday etc) she just doesn't function for weeks at all. She doesn't sleep and that is a big part of why she can't function. She also has other kids at home (and has a supportive husband) and she wants to put the energy that she does have into her family and her kids who obviously also dealt with a major trauma.

On one hand, I can't imagine what she has gone though and maybe we should just keep picking up the work long term but on the other hand, people are starting to grumble and get frustrated that she hasn't resumed more of her responsibilities. Some feel kind of taken advantage of and some on the team have started to refuse to do her work leaving others to do even more. (I am one of the ones still doing most of her work)

I really don't know how to move forward. Management know she is struggling and not at 100% but they don't realize how much of her work we are doing for her. They offered her more time off but she needs the money.

She is an absolutely lovely person. Hence why we have stepped in for her but I am not sure if we just continue indefinitely doing her work due to her trauma and tragedy?

The bolded is the fault of you & your team. If you do not communicate the situation to management, how do you expect them to rectify it ?

[Anonymous]

I think you’ve all been very kind. But two years is a lot. Someone needs to talk to the manager.