Sensitive situation

[Anonymous]

The 3-4 of you who are doing her work should sit together with her manager or the head of HR and explain the situation. I would not do it on my own because the others might not back you up when push comes to shove. Make sure you provide tangible examples of the issue.

[Anonymous]

She probably won’t ever get better. I haven’t and it has been 15 years. I changed to part-time, low stress position because I mentally can’t do more.

[Anonymous]

I have a colleague exactly like this but about 10 years out from the loss of his child. He’s managed to burn all bridges, create a large amount of resentment and lose the respect of just about everyone. Management went years without addressing him because they felt sorry for him. They’re trying to hold him accountable now and it’s not working. I do not think things will end well for him professionally and suspect he’ll be fired/forced into retirement within six months.

Ultimately, it’s management’s fault for allowing the situation to progress the way it has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a colleague exactly like this but about 10 years out from the loss of his child. He’s managed to burn all bridges, create a large amount of resentment and lose the respect of just about everyone. Management went years without addressing him because they felt sorry for him. They’re trying to hold him accountable now and it’s not working. I do not think things will end well for him professionally and suspect he’ll be fired/forced into retirement within six months.

Ultimately, it’s management’s fault for allowing the situation to progress the way it has.

I think this is what I am realizing (OP), is that there isn't a coming back from this for her. As the previous poster who lost a child said, you don't get better. I think I thought this was temporary and we were just helping her through a really awful rough patch but I am realizing that this has permanently altered her and her ability to do work. Her child who died (very suddenly) was a tween and her two older kids are struggling - one significantly. I don't think her burden outside of work will ease in a way that will allow her to resume her duties. I am certainly complicit in making this worse as I think I really thought we were being supportive and could help her through it. I am realizing there is no other side to come out on. Her life is permanently changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably won’t ever get better. I haven’t and it has been 15 years. I changed to part-time, low stress position because I mentally can’t do more.

I'm so sorry, PP. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

Proof that there’s no community or governmental support to those impacted by trauma in the long term. I’m so sorry OP. This is no one’s fault, but the situation is unsustainable. I would bring it up with her supervisor in a gentle way. Hopefully they can have a (gentle) come to Jesus conversation.

[Anonymous]

This is a management issue. Given where you are, I think you have two choices: 1) do nothing, or 2) talk with your management about the workload issues and let them know it is causing a morale issue (I’d guess they already know—but might need the nudge to do something about it).

I’m sorry—for all involved. Not easy.

[Anonymous]

That’s so tough, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

This is so so sad all around.

Can you make the case for adding a new hire?

[Anonymous]

She has enough mental focus to take credit for other people’s work, but not enough to do the work herself?

I will pile on and say - you need to cut this dead weight. I am sure she is suffering, but she is also taking advantage of your goodwill. And she will continue riding the gravy train until you put an end to it.

[Anonymous]

If your company has short-term disability hopefully she can pursue that. She may qualify for intensive therapy. That could buy her several more months to focus on her grieving and family. And perhaps consider another line of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a colleague exactly like this but about 10 years out from the loss of his child. He’s managed to burn all bridges, create a large amount of resentment and lose the respect of just about everyone. Management went years without addressing him because they felt sorry for him. They’re trying to hold him accountable now and it’s not working. I do not think things will end well for him professionally and suspect he’ll be fired/forced into retirement within six months.

Ultimately, it’s management’s fault for allowing the situation to progress the way it has.

I think this is what I am realizing (OP), is that there isn't a coming back from this for her. As the previous poster who lost a child said, you don't get better. I think I thought this was temporary and we were just helping her through a really awful rough patch but I am realizing that this has permanently altered her and her ability to do work. Her child who died (very suddenly) was a tween and her two older kids are struggling - one significantly. I don't think her burden outside of work will ease in a way that will allow her to resume her duties. I am certainly complicit in making this worse as I think I really thought we were being supportive and could help her through it. I am realizing there is no other side to come out on. Her life is permanently changed.

I would say after two years you would know if she were capable of returning to her previous level of work production. My sister lost a child and was able to work to full capacity about six months later. No, my sister is not the same person anymore and chooses to stay unhealthily busy as her coping mechanism. I think your colleague unfortunately can’t handle a full work load.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, you and your team have done the good and compassionate thing thus far. Now it's time to turn the problem over to your supervisor because it's simply not your burden to bear any longer.