Teen daughter - how would you respond? “She’s striking.”

[Anonymous]

DD is showing me pics of homecoming. One pic is of a dark skinned and light eyed girl who is beautiful in an unexpected way. I said, “She’s striking!” DD asked me if she is striking. DD is a pretty girl (imo) but striking, to me, is a rarer kind of beauty.

How would you have answered?

[Anonymous]

I would have responded by saying that the reason I find other girl striking is the rare combination of her skin color and light eyes or whatever it is that led to the comment. And I would remind her that parents can’t tell if their kid is beautiful because they lack objectivity.

[Anonymous]

I'm always honest, OP. I respond by stressing that it's my opinion, and that others will, for sure, have a variety of other opinions! I've always told my kids that they were cute... because I think they are. One of them is underweight and is on a weigh-gain program, the other has the opposite issue. We've had frank conversations about that too.

[Anonymous]

Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

[Anonymous]

I think when we say someone is "striking" me mean that their beauty struck you, surprised you, and kind of took your breath away. It's a personal reaction.

I had that reaction when I first met my kids in the delivery room, but now, their beauty is, to me, comfortable, beloved and familiar. But if they traveled to a place where their features are uncommon they might be considered striking there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

I feel like OP might be dancing close to “exotic.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when we say someone is "striking" me mean that their beauty struck you, surprised you, and kind of took your breath away. It's a personal reaction.

I had that reaction when I first met my kids in the delivery room, but now, their beauty is, to me, comfortable, beloved and familiar. But if they traveled to a place where their features are uncommon they might be considered striking there too.

None of this answers the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

OP means "exotic", except somewhere along the way she's heard that it's offensive to give POC "compliments" like that.

OP, was your daughter asking whether you thought she was pretty, or was she pointing out you would never compliment a white girl that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

Look at the responses so far. It’s not clear cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

OP means "exotic", except somewhere along the way she's heard that it's offensive to give POC "compliments" like that.

OP, was your daughter asking whether you thought she was pretty, or was she pointing out you would never compliment a white girl that way?

1. My daughter was asking if I thought she was striking.

2. I didn’t say my daughter’s race.

3. I didn’t mean exotic. I meant unexpected. I don’t usually see such light eyes on anyone, and with the darker skin color they stood out (in a good way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

I feel like OP might be dancing close to “exotic.”

The correct word is "unusual". Because it is, in any part of the world.
OP can explain that striking is associated with something that is not typical, but lovely. Compared to her child, who was born into a more typical look and is pretty. Both kids should consider themselves lucky and then go about their day.

[Anonymous]

I would say that you’re both “strikingly beautiful” but that your daughter’s look emphasizes the beautiful and the other girl the strikingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if she's not, I would say, "Absolutely!" You're her mom. What's wrong with you? Also, "beautiful in an unexpected way?" tf

OP means "exotic", except somewhere along the way she's heard that it's offensive to give POC "compliments" like that.

OP, was your daughter asking whether you thought she was pretty, or was she pointing out you would never compliment a white girl that way?

I disagree that “striking” is associated with racial characteristics. I think it refers to looks that are dramatic in some manner, which might have nothing at all to do with race or a person’s general coloring.

For OP, I’d explain that there are different types of beauty, with none being superior to the others. Explain why you thought the original girl was striking and maybe look at different pictures and discuss which ones you think are striking and why, which ones you think are beautiful and why. You may not always agree. Beauty is subjective and standards on how it’s defined change with cultures, although symmetry is generally a component. Most importantly, assure your daughter that you think she is beautiful. You can talk about how her beauty might be described.

For example:
Angelina Jolie I would describe as striking, but I wouldn’t consider Jennifer Aniston striking, yet both are beautiful. Farrah Fawcett I think was striking in a way that Jaclyn Smith wasn’t, but they’re both beautiful. I think Amanda Seyfried is striking because of her eyes, while I wouldn’t describe Reese Witherspoon that way, they’re both beautiful women.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is looking for reassurance. It doesn't hurt to give it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is looking for reassurance. It doesn't hurt to give it.

At what age would you say, you’re beautiful but striking is different.