Boyfriend lied about HSV2 exposure

[Anonymous]

Long story short, found out that boyfriend’s long term former partner is HSV2+ and has regular but infrequent outbreaks. Boyfriend did not disclose this exposure to me and never got tested. The first time I asked him about he claimed he never knew, if she had it while he was with her he wasn’t aware. I now know that was a lie.

Frankly I don’t care that much about being exposed. I would have done a few things differently—made him get tested specifically for herpes before having sex (we both got the standard panel which doesn’t include herpes), probably used condoms for a few months to see if he was getting breakouts—but it would never have been a dealbreaker. I know it’s extremely common to have it and never even know, and very manageable. I could have it and not know. I care about not being up front with me and I care about the lying.

This is not okay right?

[Anonymous]

My husband did this to me. It was one of many red flags that he waved too late.

It’s not OK.

[Anonymous]

Lying when asked directly is a pretty big problem. This is your health and you have a right to honest answers.

Plus, since you're apparently very laid back and cool and he *still* lied about it, what things could he be lying about that you'd actually get upset about?

[Anonymous]

sorry OP this is NOT ok.

[Anonymous]

Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

You’re confused about the lying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

It's not incredibly rare not to have an outbreak. It doesn't mean he did not catch it.

OP, does he have it? Has he tested?

The other thing he could do is take antivirals, which means he'd be less likely to transmit this.

But yeah the lying would be a dealbreaker for me.

[Anonymous]

Ya'll got tested for STD's and he did not disclose to you that he had HSV2?

[Anonymous]

That must be a troll - how did you find out about his previous partner HSV 2 status ?

[Anonymous]

Deal breaker and red flags here what else is he with holding? I would break up with him in a hot new york minute.

[Anonymous]

Not remotely okay. I had a serious boyfriend (we lived together for a while) who had regular outbreaks of genital warts and did not tell me. Of course I ended up getting a horrible case myself and I wouldn't wish what I went through at the dermatologist getting them burned off on my worst enemy. We were broken up by the time the warts showed up on me, and I had a new boyfriend and had to tell him. It was awful, but I did it. Totally irresponsible not to tell someone about an STI, and it says a lot about a person who would put someone else's health in jeopardy without saying a word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

You "found this out"? How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You "found this out"? How?

Probably got it herself...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not remotely okay. I had a serious boyfriend (we lived together for a while) who had regular outbreaks of genital warts and did not tell me. Of course I ended up getting a horrible case myself and I wouldn't wish what I went through at the dermatologist getting them burned off on my worst enemy. We were broken up by the time the warts showed up on me, and I had a new boyfriend and had to tell him. It was awful, but I did it. Totally irresponsible not to tell someone about an STI, and it says a lot about a person who would put someone else's health in jeopardy without saying a word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Don't they clear on their own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not remotely okay. I had a serious boyfriend (we lived together for a while) who had regular outbreaks of genital warts and did not tell me. Of course I ended up getting a horrible case myself and I wouldn't wish what I went through at the dermatologist getting them burned off on my worst enemy. We were broken up by the time the warts showed up on me, and I had a new boyfriend and had to tell him. It was awful, but I did it. Totally irresponsible not to tell someone about an STI, and it says a lot about a person who would put someone else's health in jeopardy without saying a word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Don't they clear on their own?

I don't know ... mine were there for quite a long time and when I finally saw the doctor, she told me we'd need to burn them off. I can't imagine she would have put me through that (the pain was excruciating) if there was a good chance they would have cleared on their own -- she was very compassionate about the whole thing. I probably had over a dozen of them.