Boyfriend lied about HSV2 exposure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not remotely okay. I had a serious boyfriend (we lived together for a while) who had regular outbreaks of genital warts and did not tell me. Of course I ended up getting a horrible case myself and I wouldn't wish what I went through at the dermatologist getting them burned off on my worst enemy. We were broken up by the time the warts showed up on me, and I had a new boyfriend and had to tell him. It was awful, but I did it. Totally irresponsible not to tell someone about an STI, and it says a lot about a person who would put someone else's health in jeopardy without saying a word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Don't they clear on their own?

I don't know ... mine were there for quite a long time and when I finally saw the doctor, she told me we'd need to burn them off. I can't imagine she would have put me through that (the pain was excruciating) if there was a good chance they would have cleared on their own -- she was very compassionate about the whole thing. I probably had over a dozen of them.

But how come you didn't notice he had them? Did you use condom and then not used? Or he infected you while he didn't have an outbreak. Just wondering as I'm considering an open sex with BF and men are not tested for HPV.

Were you vaccinated for HPV?

[Anonymous]

What a jerk! This is not ok. You need to RUN. This won't be the only thing he will lie about. Trust that.

[Anonymous]

All relationships that are worthy are definitely built on a foundation of integrity.

Your man lied to you directly and about something as important as his health.

Both unforgivable imo.
Btw, as the old adage goes…..

If he is comfortable lying to you about THIS…..then he must be comfortable lying to you about many things.

[Anonymous]

The lying is the problem OP.

[Anonymous]

A little off-topic - but why would you have opted NOT to get tested for HSV as part of STI testing given how prevalent it is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not remotely okay. I had a serious boyfriend (we lived together for a while) who had regular outbreaks of genital warts and did not tell me. Of course I ended up getting a horrible case myself and I wouldn't wish what I went through at the dermatologist getting them burned off on my worst enemy. We were broken up by the time the warts showed up on me, and I had a new boyfriend and had to tell him. It was awful, but I did it. Totally irresponsible not to tell someone about an STI, and it says a lot about a person who would put someone else's health in jeopardy without saying a word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Don't they clear on their own?

I don't know ... mine were there for quite a long time and when I finally saw the doctor, she told me we'd need to burn them off. I can't imagine she would have put me through that (the pain was excruciating) if there was a good chance they would have cleared on their own -- she was very compassionate about the whole thing. I probably had over a dozen of them.

But how come you didn't notice he had them? Did you use condom and then not used? Or he infected you while he didn't have an outbreak. Just wondering as I'm considering an open sex with BF and men are not tested for HPV.

Were you vaccinated for HPV?

This was before there was a vaccine for HPV. I suppose I didn't notice because I didn't look that closely? Not sure how else to put that. We did not use condoms because I had an IUD and we both had been tested for HIV (back then the big thing was testing for HIV). He knew full well he had the warts and never mentioned it in the multiple conversations we had about STD testing and safe sex. I really don't know exactly when I was infected or what the situation was on his *&^ at the time?

As far as your BF having HPV, I think most people have been exposed to it, but the virus can clear out of the body after a time. I don't know -- you should read up on it. Trust me, you do NOT want those warts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

I understand that HSV2 is not a huge deal. I’m annoyed and sorta mad that he knew his longterm partner had it and he didn’t at least mention it before we were intimate even if the risk is low. I am furious that when I found out from someone else and asked him if he knew his ex was positive, he feigned surprise and denied knowing at all instead of being like “yeah, I knew, but I went to planned parenthood to get tested and they said they don’t even test unless someone has symptoms so I didn’t. I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to tell you.” Crappy, but I’m not sure it’s a grave sin not to tell a casual sexual partner about past exposure with no symptoms.

He perpetuated the lie for months over multiple conversations about it. I had a gut feeling he was lying, and said for my peace of mind I wanted to listen in on a conversation with his ex about it. He tried to keep up the charade for a bit and did some real shady sh** to cover it up before I called him out and the whole truth came out.

We live in a small city. I found out when a male friend of mine came across her profile on a dating app where she has it stated in her profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

I understand that HSV2 is not a huge deal. I’m annoyed and sorta mad that he knew his longterm partner had it and he didn’t at least mention it before we were intimate even if the risk is low. I am furious that when I found out from someone else and asked him if he knew his ex was positive, he feigned surprise and denied knowing at all instead of being like “yeah, I knew, but I went to planned parenthood to get tested and they said they don’t even test unless someone has symptoms so I didn’t. I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to tell you.” Crappy, but I’m not sure it’s a grave sin not to tell a casual sexual partner about past exposure with no symptoms.

He perpetuated the lie for months over multiple conversations about it. I had a gut feeling he was lying, and said for my peace of mind I wanted to listen in on a conversation with his ex about it. He tried to keep up the charade for a bit and did some real shady sh** to cover it up before I called him out and the whole truth came out.

We live in a small city. I found out when a male friend of mine came across her profile on a dating app where she has it stated in her profile.

What ? People now put up their STD tests on dating profiles ??? I call this thread a BS and fake

[Anonymous]

HSV2 is a big deal. If you have herpes while pregnant it can cause anencephaly of the fetus. I know someone who lost their baby in the 8th month of pregnancy this way. In this case, there was no deception between the couple.

Herpes can also cause serious eye infections.

Herpes can be manageable with medications to diminish frequency of outbreak and by avoiding sex during prodromal symptoms of an outbreak, but it's never OK not to disclose about herpes, particularly since condoms cannot fully protect against herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

I understand that HSV2 is not a huge deal. I’m annoyed and sorta mad that he knew his longterm partner had it and he didn’t at least mention it before we were intimate even if the risk is low. I am furious that when I found out from someone else and asked him if he knew his ex was positive, he feigned surprise and denied knowing at all instead of being like “yeah, I knew, but I went to planned parenthood to get tested and they said they don’t even test unless someone has symptoms so I didn’t. I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to tell you.” Crappy, but I’m not sure it’s a grave sin not to tell a casual sexual partner about past exposure with no symptoms.

He perpetuated the lie for months over multiple conversations about it. I had a gut feeling he was lying, and said for my peace of mind I wanted to listen in on a conversation with his ex about it. He tried to keep up the charade for a bit and did some real shady sh** to cover it up before I called him out and the whole truth came out.

We live in a small city. I found out when a male friend of mine came across her profile on a dating app where she has it stated in her profile.

What ? People now put up their STD tests on dating profiles ??? I call this thread a BS and fake

A guy I met on Hinge was also very upfront about it. He'd had a previous partner lie, so he led with it upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little off-topic - but why would you have opted NOT to get tested for HSV as part of STI testing given how prevalent it is?

From my understanding HSV1 and or 2 in the genitalia are so common that there is no reason to test. The assumption is that everyone has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not remotely okay. I had a serious boyfriend (we lived together for a while) who had regular outbreaks of genital warts and did not tell me. Of course I ended up getting a horrible case myself and I wouldn't wish what I went through at the dermatologist getting them burned off on my worst enemy. We were broken up by the time the warts showed up on me, and I had a new boyfriend and had to tell him. It was awful, but I did it. Totally irresponsible not to tell someone about an STI, and it says a lot about a person who would put someone else's health in jeopardy without saying a word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Don't they clear on their own?

I don't know ... mine were there for quite a long time and when I finally saw the doctor, she told me we'd need to burn them off. I can't imagine she would have put me through that (the pain was excruciating) if there was a good chance they would have cleared on their own -- she was very compassionate about the whole thing. I probably had over a dozen of them.

But how come you didn't notice he had them? Did you use condom and then not used? Or he infected you while he didn't have an outbreak. Just wondering as I'm considering an open sex with BF and men are not tested for HPV.

Were you vaccinated for HPV?

This was before there was a vaccine for HPV. I suppose I didn't notice because I didn't look that closely? Not sure how else to put that. We did not use condoms because I had an IUD and we both had been tested for HIV (back then the big thing was testing for HIV). He knew full well he had the warts and never mentioned it in the multiple conversations we had about STD testing and safe sex. I really don't know exactly when I was infected or what the situation was on his *&^ at the time?

As far as your BF having HPV, I think most people have been exposed to it, but the virus can clear out of the body after a time. I don't know -- you should read up on it. Trust me, you do NOT want those warts.

Condoms reduce the chance of contracting HSV, HPV, syphilis and chancroid, they are great at preventing HIV, gonorrhea and clamydia, because those are transmitted via secretions the chanchre STDs are transmitted via skin to skin and mucous membrane contact.

Also, I don’t think HSV is harmless at all. It can cause meningitis, encephalitis and blindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little off-topic - but why would you have opted NOT to get tested for HSV as part of STI testing given how prevalent it is?

From my understanding HSV1 and or 2 in the genitalia are so common that there is no reason to test. The assumption is that everyone has it.

Is this OP? And that’s not an accurate understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little off-topic - but why would you have opted NOT to get tested for HSV as part of STI testing given how prevalent it is?

From my understanding HSV1 and or 2 in the genitalia are so common that there is no reason to test. The assumption is that everyone has it.

Is this OP? And that’s not an accurate understanding.

No that wasn’t OP. I know a lot of people have it but not everyone. It is my experience that it’s hard to get a blood test if you don’t have a symptoms of an outbreak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confused. It's incredibly rare for him to catch it and never have an outbreak. Are you insinuating he lied about having HSV? Because an exposure isn't a big deal if it's in the past. It's not like HIV.

I understand that HSV2 is not a huge deal. I’m annoyed and sorta mad that he knew his longterm partner had it and he didn’t at least mention it before we were intimate even if the risk is low. I am furious that when I found out from someone else and asked him if he knew his ex was positive, he feigned surprise and denied knowing at all instead of being like “yeah, I knew, but I went to planned parenthood to get tested and they said they don’t even test unless someone has symptoms so I didn’t. I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to tell you.” Crappy, but I’m not sure it’s a grave sin not to tell a casual sexual partner about past exposure with no symptoms.

He perpetuated the lie for months over multiple conversations about it. I had a gut feeling he was lying, and said for my peace of mind I wanted to listen in on a conversation with his ex about it. He tried to keep up the charade for a bit and did some real shady sh** to cover it up before I called him out and the whole truth came out.

We live in a small city. I found out when a male friend of mine came across her profile on a dating app where she has it stated in her profile.

What ? People now put up their STD tests on dating profiles ??? I call this thread a BS and fake

Idk what to tell you. Yeah, people put this in their dating profile. I’ve seen it regularly if infrequently on men’s profiles in the ~10 years I’ve been on and off the apps.