Majority doesn't know how to pick good partners

[Anonymous]

If you look at number of broken, unhappy and troubled marriages, it seems either majority of humans are either bad people, bad partners themselves or bad at picking partners.

[Anonymous]

Do we need to make premarital counseling a mandatory part of undergraduate curriculum?

[Anonymous]

It's equal parts dumb luck and character traits of patience and emotional resilience.

[Anonymous]

Minority who got good partners credit themselves and their savvy partner-picking skill. Reality is that people change/don’t live up to their potential and “good” picks turn out to be bad (reverse also happens).

[Anonymous]

People pick partners for the wrong reason, like looks, money, social status.

Many times there are red flags and people ignore because they think they will change.

You need to have a common goals, morals, values, financial strategy, be in sync about money, kids and your future.

I am not religious, but the pastor that married us made us do pre marital counseling. We had a questionnaire and met for 2 hours but there were topics that made us think and discuss for awareness. It was good. We have been married for 25 years. We’ve had ups and downs but I know I am with the right person till the end.

[Anonymous]

I think it is luck. I got lucky that my spouse hasn't had any physical health issues, mental health issues, family issues. His career has remained relevant.

You write "it seems either majority of humans are either bad people, bad partners themselves or bad at picking partners."

Does a bad marriage mean you are a bad person and a bad partner or bad at picking partners? No. It doesn't. We are all human, we all make mistakes, we all make a bad choice. And if we make a bad choice and our spouse makes a bad choice that can undercut our marriage and stability. If we make a mistake but our spouse is able to to make a better choice maybe we won't have the same disastrous experience. But some of that is luck. Some of that is timing. Some of that is what our parents taught us.

Just because I make a big mistake at age 53 causing havoc in my marriage doesn't mean I am a bad partner or that my spouse had a bad picker when we were 25. It means at 53 I made bad choices.

Mistakes don't make somebody a bad person or a bad partner. It gives us the opportunity to grow.

[Anonymous]

Most people pick partners for physical attraction, good looks, good financial future or just settle to have a family AND hope to make things work.

[Anonymous]

I think people who pick partners for money are smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people pick partners for physical attraction, good looks, good financial future or just settle to have a family AND hope to make things work.

+1

Hope and pray. Sometimes it works, sometimes, it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People pick partners for the wrong reason, like looks, money, social status.

Many times there are red flags and people ignore because they think they will change.

You need to have a common goals, morals, values, financial strategy, be in sync about money, kids and your future.

I am not religious, but the pastor that married us made us do pre marital counseling. We had a questionnaire and met for 2 hours but there were topics that made us think and discuss for awareness. It was good. We have been married for 25 years. We’ve had ups and downs but I know I am with the right person till the end.

Look what do I know - but I am guessing the fact you both were willing (and even eager) do to that kind of intensive, religious-based counseling is what indicates a good match for you, more than your answers to the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people who pick partners for money are smart.

If I hadn’t married for earning potential the raging ADHD would have done us in long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People pick partners for the wrong reason, like looks, money, social status.

Many times there are red flags and people ignore because they think they will change.

You need to have a common goals, morals, values, financial strategy, be in sync about money, kids and your future.

I am not religious, but the pastor that married us made us do pre marital counseling. We had a questionnaire and met for 2 hours but there were topics that made us think and discuss for awareness. It was good. We have been married for 25 years. We’ve had ups and downs but I know I am with the right person till the end.

Look what do I know - but I am guessing the fact you both were willing (and even eager) do to that kind of intensive, religious-based counseling is what indicates a good match for you, more than your answers to the question.

I agree. The counseling was not intense or really religious per se but showed we had a common goal to always work on our marriage and that it was going to be work at times and not always easy. We had to work through our challenges together with respect. And our answers were not the same on most questions but we respected each other for them.

We are not particularly religious, Maybe attending church once a month.

[Anonymous]

Ok so we agree we need to go back to parents arranging marriages for their kids.

[Anonymous]

When people are supposed to choose someone based on their experience in their mid-20s, what do you expect? We'd all choose better after another 10-15 years dating experience but by then fertility declines. Back in the day, people didn't live so long and needed each other for survival. Now people live til 90 and women can support themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so we agree we need to go back to parents arranging marriages for their kids.

No. How would that help? We need to discuss marriage and family in school and colleges.