DW is cheating…Should I cheat in kind?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys,

I want tips on how to live in the same house with a cheating spouse who thinks I am clueless and who I think is currently in love with the AP.

I won’t lie but this is really affecting my pride because she probably thinks I am stupid and clueless and she ia getting away with it.

The thing is for financial reasons divorcing her right now will hurt me more than her. And frankly I just don’t have the financial means to go through a contested divorce. But the divorce is coming just not right now.

So in the meantime what I can do to get back at her? I thought of responding in kind by getting an affair partner as well but this is not who I am.

We are already not sleeping in the same bed. And we are not having sex either.

I feel like divorcing her will be rewarding her because me being the sole provider she will end up with a nice alimony. We have twin boys who are 10.

[Anonymous]

You must live your best life, OP. So don't do things to "get back at her". Do things because you WANT to. If you wanted to further your intimacy with a special person, then sure. But if you'd rather play video games all days instead of doing chores, or you'd rather buy yourself a fun car, then do that instead. Revenge is a high that doesn't last for long. Leaning into your already-existing proclivities will provide more lasting happiness.

[Anonymous]

Ignore her. Barely talk to her. Answer her phone calls in a call manner. Leave the house for hours and come whenever you wish. This my friend will drive her crazy. See women want it both ways. The AP who pays attention to her and make her “feel loved” and the baby daddy at baby daddy at home and kids who provide her with a stable life. The minute she starts doubting that stability is in jeopardy that’s when you make your move and divorce the cu**t. Sorry OP

[Anonymous]

18:31 again. Also, the best thing you can do for yourself, and possible integrate a little bit of revenge, is to be the best parent you can for your boys. In the event of a divorce, they might prefer you, and trust you more than their other parent. A strong bond with your kids will get then through the separation and dual household nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys,

I want tips on how to live in the same house with a cheating spouse who thinks I am clueless and who I think is currently in love with the AP.

I won’t lie but this is really affecting my pride because she probably thinks I am stupid and clueless and she ia getting away with it.

The thing is for financial reasons divorcing her right now will hurt me more than her. And frankly I just don’t have the financial means to go through a contested divorce. But the divorce is coming just not right now.

So in the meantime what I can do to get back at her? I thought of responding in kind by getting an affair partner as well but this is not who I am.

We are already not sleeping in the same bed. And we are not having sex either.

I feel like divorcing her will be rewarding her because me being the sole provider she will end up with a nice alimony. We have twin boys who are 10.

I don’t want to be glib, but if you are not sleeping in the same room or having sex, why exactly do you care who she is having sex with? How long has your marriage been sexless? Not even sleeping in the same room suggests there’s a void in intimacy. There is more going on in your marriage than just an affair, that is for sure.

[Anonymous]

OP look for a therapist asap. Don’t see her cheating on you as making you less of a man. Unless you were physically or verbally abusive toward her (which doesn’t seem to be the case here) nothing justifies her cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore her. Barely talk to her. Answer her phone calls in a call manner. Leave the house for hours and come whenever you wish. This my friend will drive her crazy. See women want it both ways. The AP who pays attention to her and make her “feel loved” and the baby daddy at baby daddy at home and kids who provide her with a stable life. The minute she starts doubting that stability is in jeopardy that’s when you make your move and divorce the cu**t. Sorry OP

100%. Spot on above. My friend’s wife had multiple affairs on Ashley Madison before he finally found out. She did get off on thinking she was fooling everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys,

I want tips on how to live in the same house with a cheating spouse who thinks I am clueless and who I think is currently in love with the AP.

I won’t lie but this is really affecting my pride because she probably thinks I am stupid and clueless and she ia getting away with it.

The thing is for financial reasons divorcing her right now will hurt me more than her. And frankly I just don’t have the financial means to go through a contested divorce. But the divorce is coming just not right now.

So in the meantime what I can do to get back at her? I thought of responding in kind by getting an affair partner as well but this is not who I am.

We are already not sleeping in the same bed. And we are not having sex either.

I feel like divorcing her will be rewarding her because me being the sole provider she will end up with a nice alimony. We have twin boys who are 10.

If you are in Virginia hire a PI to prove the affair and sue her for an at-fault divorce. She won’t get alimony and you might get more than half the assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:31 again. Also, the best thing you can do for yourself, and possible integrate a little bit of revenge, is to be the best parent you can for your boys. In the event of a divorce, they might prefer you, and trust you more than their other parent. A strong bond with your kids will get then through the separation and dual household nightmare.

Kids are perceptive. As they continue to get older, they’ll see mom for what she is and resent her for doing that to their father.

[Anonymous]

A therapist will help get through brother. I was cheating on after a 10 years of marriage. And I did everything right. I later found out she has a personality disorder. In my case the divorce was hard on me because she was my best friend and as someone with barely any friend I felt completely lost when she told me she wanted a divorce.

1 week into therapy session I realized that i should have never been sad about he whole thing to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore her. Barely talk to her. Answer her phone calls in a call manner. Leave the house for hours and come whenever you wish. This my friend will drive her crazy. See women want it both ways. The AP who pays attention to her and make her “feel loved” and the baby daddy at baby daddy at home and kids who provide her with a stable life. The minute she starts doubting that stability is in jeopardy that’s when you make your move and divorce the cu**t. Sorry OP

Yes 100%! And during that time see a therapist

[Anonymous]

Hit the gym instead 6 days a week. Buy new clothes. If you lack confidence work on it (it can be learned). Do more stuff with your boys (movies, restaurants etc) instead of leaving the house for hours. If she is in a hotel getting f***d it says more about her than you.

Basically focus on you and don’t touch the bottle. So here is the plan: gym, kids, therapist and meditation.

And don’t worry at all. This is all lust. New di**k and beautiful compliments and all
That bullshit ain’t going to last. It may last 6 months 10 years or 20 years but the end will
Be brutal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys,

I want tips on how to live in the same house with a cheating spouse who thinks I am clueless and who I think is currently in love with the AP.

I won’t lie but this is really affecting my pride because she probably thinks I am stupid and clueless and she ia getting away with it.

The thing is for financial reasons divorcing her right now will hurt me more than her. And frankly I just don’t have the financial means to go through a contested divorce. But the divorce is coming just not right now.

So in the meantime what I can do to get back at her? I thought of responding in kind by getting an affair partner as well but this is not who I am.

We are already not sleeping in the same bed. And we are not having sex either.

I feel like divorcing her will be rewarding her because me being the sole provider she will end up with a nice alimony. We have twin boys who are 10.

I don’t want to be glib, but if you are not sleeping in the same room or having sex, why exactly do you care who she is having sex with? How long has your marriage been sexless? Not even sleeping in the same room suggests there’s a void in intimacy. There is more going on in your marriage than just an affair, that is for sure.

So by your logic her cheating is justified. She is just a coward. She can ask for a divorce if she is hot happy, but of course that would deprive her of the stability she wants to keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hit the gym instead 6 days a week. Buy new clothes. If you lack confidence work on it (it can be learned). Do more stuff with your boys (movies, restaurants etc) instead of leaving the house for hours. If she is in a hotel getting f***d it says more about her than you.

Basically focus on you and don’t touch the bottle. So here is the plan: gym, kids, therapist and meditation.

And don’t worry at all. This is all lust. New di**k and beautiful compliments and all
That bullshit ain’t going to last. It may last 6 months 10 years or 20 years but the end will
Be brutal.

Yeah. The married dude brutally dumped my ex-wife and then all the sudden she wanted to reconcile and be loving to me after being a nasty B. I found evidence she was trying to get him to leave his marriage and he tore her apart, said some pretty horrible things which I’ll admit I found amusing given how she treated me. It’s true that most cheating women are looking for an exit from their miserable selves - so my therapist says. Problem is they can’t get rid of themselves.

[Anonymous]

IMO you are already "divorced" in many ways, so why not find some happiness. You guys are basically roommates for all intents and purposes.