Post nup after wife starts earning more

[Anonymous]

Married 9 years. I’m the wife, and and now making 3X DH’s salary. He is not money motivated (scientist), and I feel alone in my by goals to work hard to build wealth.

I would like to match his salary in a joint account for our living expenses and keep the rest for myself. He says he is not opposed to this. Has anyone ever done anything like this? Is it very unreasonable of me to feel this way?

I’m hoping this can assuage my resentment. If I could go back I would marry someone with better aligned values, but I can’t go back in time. Marriage is otherwise decent.

We have a child with another on the way so I don’t want to frivolously divorce.

[Anonymous]

I am in finance and DH is in government and I would never ever do this

[Anonymous]

I would never do this either. It’s hard to imagine that money is so important to you. It’s not like he’s a deadbeat and not contributing.

[Anonymous]

Throughout the 9 years of your marriage, was there a time when you made less than him? Did he keep the difference in salaries and only contribute the equivalent of your salary?

I am like your husband. I make a good salary but I am not money motivated. If my husband made 3x as much and wanted a post nup, I would't really care money wise. I can support myself and am not after his money.

However I would probably doubt the relationship as I am not sure I would remain compatible with someone whose priority is making money and who is money oriented. Especially if he looked down on me for not being money motivated. To me there is so much more to life and so many things I prioritize above amassing wealth.

[Anonymous]

You’re already married and this comes across as cold. It’s not all about money.

[Anonymous]

You need to do something to assuage this resentment. Thats the first step to wanting a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I make 3-5 times what my husband makes and I would never do this. We are 100% a team. I wonder if there is more than just the money piece to this. In my case, my husband’s job has more flexibility and he has done lots of kid stuff over the years which allowed me to move up the ladder. I could not be where I am without him (unless I had chosen not to have kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 9 years. I’m the wife, and and now making 3X DH’s salary. He is not money motivated (scientist), and I feel alone in my by goals to work hard to build wealth.

I would like to match his salary in a joint account for our living expenses and keep the rest for myself. He says he is not opposed to this. Has anyone ever done anything like this? Is it very unreasonable of me to feel this way?

I’m hoping this can assuage my resentment. If I could go back I would marry someone with better aligned values, but I can’t go back in time. Marriage is otherwise decent.

We have a child with another on the way so I don’t want to frivolously divorce.

Did you agree to a similar distribution when he made more money? What you are proposing o woman would ever agree to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this either. It’s hard to imagine that money is so important to you. It’s not like he’s a deadbeat and not contributing.

It’s very simple - I am going to have to work many years longer than I want to at a job I don’t love to compensate for his prioritizing his own interests over income in order to pay for college and retire comfortably. If either of us decides to leave the marriage, I don’t feel he should get half of the wealth I’ve built making sacrifices he has not made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 9 years. I’m the wife, and and now making 3X DH’s salary. He is not money motivated (scientist), and I feel alone in my by goals to work hard to build wealth.

I would like to match his salary in a joint account for our living expenses and keep the rest for myself. He says he is not opposed to this. Has anyone ever done anything like this? Is it very unreasonable of me to feel this way?

I’m hoping this can assuage my resentment. If I could go back I would marry someone with better aligned values, but I can’t go back in time. Marriage is otherwise decent.

We have a child with another on the way so I don’t want to frivolously divorce.

Did you agree to a similar distribution when he made more money? What you are proposing o woman would ever agree to.

He never made more money. It’s just that I make significantly more in recent years.

[Anonymous]

Can you focus on joint goals that you may not have achieved for now? For example, use your extra earnings to fully fund 529 plans, and get an agreement from him that in the event of divorce, they will be deemed assets of the children, managed by you? Maybe you live off your matched joint earnings and you invest your excess in accounts you control?

[Anonymous]

What “own interests”?

And does he do more of the parenting or housework?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this either. It’s hard to imagine that money is so important to you. It’s not like he’s a deadbeat and not contributing.

It’s very simple - I am going to have to work many years longer than I want to at a job I don’t love to compensate for his prioritizing his own interests over income in order to pay for college and retire comfortably. If either of us decides to leave the marriage, I don’t feel he should get half of the wealth I’ve built making sacrifices he has not made.

You must be a troll. Or maybe you're actually a man who switched around the genders in your story? This sounds like the typical BS you get from men who suddenly make more money and want to screw over their wife.

[Anonymous]

Contempt has been cited as a big indicator of divorce. Resentment can build into contempt.

OP, if your marriage is otherwise decent, is having a post- nup really going to keep your resentment from turning into contempt?

Why on earth did you decide to have another baby with this person if you feel this way? Your DH’s job isn’t gong to keep you from retiring comfortably or keep you locked into a job you don’t like. Having multiple children (and all of the costs associated with them) will.

I’m baffled by this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 3-5 times what my husband makes and I would never do this. We are 100% a team. I wonder if there is more than just the money piece to this. In my case, my husband’s job has more flexibility and he has done lots of kid stuff over the years which allowed me to move up the ladder. I could not be where I am without him (unless I had chosen not to have kids).

Yes, I suppose there is more. I only decided to pursue a career at the level I’ve pursued it when reality set in that I simply have to in order to live comfortably, pay for education, and save for retirement. He doesn’t think it is necessary to save for college, and he doesn’t think its necessary to have enough savings to do things like update our home modestly over the next 50 years. So we have big value differences that I failed to identify before marriage.

And I would rather be the one spending more time with my kids, not the other way around.