Reply to My spouse is addicted to Drama

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - what are the companion qualities that initially drew you to her?  Is she otherwise very positively passionate (about you?  ABout other things)?  Has her passion become more focused on negative things?  This also seems like super anxious behavior [/quote]

NP. OP, please re-read the post above. Get out of the house, away from her and the kids, and try to focus for a while on your whole relationship and what positives she had and positives you can still find.

Then think: If she had a physical illness or injury, you would be sympathetic--wouldn't you? But you aren't seeing that she actually is ill right now. She sounds so anxious and possibly depressed as well. But because anxiety and depression manifest in behaviors like you describe, spouses and others tend to think, "My spouse is just being terrible," rather than, "My spouse is sick and needs help."

Can you at least try to approach this as, she is not just "addicted to drama," she's in constant misery and mental pain? Because people who suffer from anxiety and/or depression are in agony, even if it comes out as anger and drama and flying off the handle about things which seem tiny to YOU. Those things loom so very large for HER because she can't control them and her anxious mind is desperate for control; she may feel terrifyingly out of control. Maybe not. But if you still love her, or love your marriage, why not default to "She's ill and needs help" instead of "She's dramatic and I can't deal any more"?

She may resist at first but you need to sit down with her and tell her that out of love for her, you're pointing out that she seems so very wound up and upset and you want to help her. Have an appointment already lined up with her doctor to get her a full workup and ask the doctor how to proceed for anxiety -- she may need talk therapy, meds, whatever. If she's tried that previously? Wrong doctor, bad fit, wrong med, all possible. But it's sad and a bit disturbing when a spouse's first instinct is "drama" instead of "this behavior is irritating but maybe there's more going on and I want to help." [/quote]

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