Guy being wishy washy

[Anonymous]

Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Should also add our relationship is everything I’d ask for from an official relationship. I have no complaints, other than this lack of title we’ve run into.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a great sign, especially since he is leaving the country in a few months. He may want his “freedom” at that point. I would push the issue honestly.

[Anonymous]

How old are you both?

If he's under 30, yeah, of course. He's not going to commit to someone when he's leaving in three months! If you think there's potential, you can see him casually for the next three months, keep in touch to some degree when he's gone, pick dating back up when he's back, and reevaluate then.

If you're over 30 and you want kids, I would be aggressively seeing other people. This guy isn't on your time frame.

Oh, and don't "push the issue" - he gave you an answer.

[Anonymous]

Are you having sex? Did you discuss exclusizity?

Personally, I don't have sex with a guy until after we've had the DTR, because I am not willing to have sex with some wishy washy guy who may be dating and having sex with other women. If you don't like me enough to stop having sex with other women, I don't want to have sex with you, is how I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you both?

If he's under 30, yeah, of course. He's not going to commit to someone when he's leaving in three months! If you think there's potential, you can see him casually for the next three months, keep in touch to some degree when he's gone, pick dating back up when he's back, and reevaluate then.

If you're over 30 and you want kids, I would be aggressively seeing other people. This guy isn't on your time frame.

Oh, and don't "push the issue" - he gave you an answer.

We are not looking to have kids, both middle aged. Both said we were looking for a life partner in the beginning. The amount of time we spend together currently makes it impractical for me to see other people, plus I haven’t had a desire to as he’s been meeting all my needs wonderfully. Perhaps it’s just time to move on…it seemed to be a good match until it wasn’t I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you both?

If he's under 30, yeah, of course. He's not going to commit to someone when he's leaving in three months! If you think there's potential, you can see him casually for the next three months, keep in touch to some degree when he's gone, pick dating back up when he's back, and reevaluate then.

If you're over 30 and you want kids, I would be aggressively seeing other people. This guy isn't on your time frame.

Oh, and don't "push the issue" - he gave you an answer.

We are not looking to have kids, both middle aged. Both said we were looking for a life partner in the beginning. The amount of time we spend together currently makes it impractical for me to see other people, plus I haven’t had a desire to as he’s been meeting all my needs wonderfully. Perhaps it’s just time to move on…it seemed to be a good match until it wasn’t I guess.

PP here. You don't have to move on, but you do need to accept that you're going to get any commitment from him for the next six months. If you're fine with that, great. Have a fun three months, see what happens. If you're not comfortable with that, then yeah, I'd move on.

One middle ground option is to just decrease your time with him a bit. Keep an iron in the fire, but scale down your time a bit.

[Anonymous]

If it’s not a “yes”, then it’s a “no”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s not a “yes”, then it’s a “no”.

+100 sorry but maybes he's just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

I'd keep your options open until he comes back. That means, dating other people.

Don't put yourself on pause for the next 6 mons based on wishy washy. You might miss out on someone who ISN'T wishy washy and wants to be with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual.
We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

The bolded is what stuck out for me.
He gets to "act" like he's got a girlfriend in public or wherever, but then he gets wishy washy about wanting the ACTUAL commitment that comes along with having an ACTUAL girlfriend??

It sounds like this man either 1) wants to have his cake, but not commit to that cake, or he has a fear of commitment (doubtful). OR... he's leaving his options open in the hopes that someone better comes along.

It sounds to me like this guy doesn't view you as "Ms. Right", but rather "Ms. Right Now".

When a guy is really into a woman, HE KNOWS IT RIGHT AWAY, and he will put all of his energy into pursuing that woman until he makes her his, OFFICIALLY, because he doesn't want to take the chance of another guy coming along and snatching her up.

It sounds like you're nothing more than just a "Ms. Right Now" to him.
You're just someone to pass the time with until someone better comes along... until the one he's SUPPOSED to be with comes along.

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

How old is he? What’s his relationship history?

I had a “boyfriend” like this who was a true commitment phobe. Sounds like your experience here too.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want to lock it down and it’s understandable, he’s leaving for three months, why would he attach himself to you when he can gave fun and perhaps meet the one overseas. Also, he’s not afraid to lose you either.

Meeting his sister means nothing if not willing to claim you.

Have fun until he leaves or end things. It wouldn’t hurt to “separate” gradually from him, I wouldn’t want yo be attacked to him until the last minute.

Remember, he is not afraid to lose you to someone else. It sucks but it’s the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

Those are my thoughts as well.