Guy being wishy washy

[Anonymous]

If you’re not comfortable dating him at this point without being exclusive (which is totally understandable!), I would move on. You’re going to basically break up when he leaves in a few months anyway. Maybe he’ll change his mind when he realizes he’s losing you. And if he doesn’t, then you’re getting a head start on meeting someone new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

I don't see the point in locking each other down for three months, only to suspend it while he's overseas. Keep your options open and see other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

Those are my thoughts as well.

Hard disagree and this perspective is part of why dating is so horrible today.

Three months is more than enough time to know whether you want something serious with someone.

My now-husband made it exclusive very fast after meeting me. It was so different than I was used to (in a good way!) and I said “but what if we don’t like each other?” And he said “we’ll break up.”

That made so much sense to me! People can always break up. But there is no reason to spend multiple seasons spending time with, getting to know, and *having sex* with someone who isn’t even sure if they want to be exclusive with you.

Three months is enough time for YOU to know, but not everyone. It takes me a lot longer.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I haven’t had a desire to see anyone else. It seems pointless. I’m really into the guy I’m seeing, we spend most free moments I have together, and I don’t have sex with more than one guy at a time. Also I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing a new guy around my friends since I hangout with the current guy with them. All this leads me to just ending it. It sucks because I truly was 100% happy with everything we had going. We are very similar and spending time with one another is never a compromise. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t had a desire to see anyone else. It seems pointless. I’m really into the guy I’m seeing, we spend most free moments I have together, and I don’t have sex with more than one guy at a time. Also I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing a new guy around my friends since I hangout with the current guy with them. All this leads me to just ending it. It sucks because I truly was 100% happy with everything we had going. We are very similar and spending time with one another is never a compromise. Oh well.

You don’t need to break up abruptly with him. It’s up to you if you want to continue seeing him often and grow more attached before he’s gone for the trip. Or you can just see other people and let it fade and tell him let’s stay friends. Be nice, leave him a window to come back when he’s back to the US. That’s the max you can do in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you. This is liberating. Once you realize men who want you act like they want you, you can stop messing around and live your life. Cut him loose. You deserve a man who makes you feel sure he wants you.

What if no such man exists? This guy may be the best option out there for OP, three-month hiatus and all.

I’d rather be alone than with a man who doesn’t really want me.

[Anonymous]

Why break-up 3 months prematurely? I don't get it. He has no crystal ball. You have no crystal ball. If things are going well, you should enjoy things going well ... until they don't. Until you no longer what to be a couple. Certainly when he leaves, you are free. He is free. If there is no ring and no wedding date, you are free.

[Anonymous]

Remove the going away part from the equation And judge it from that standpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why break-up 3 months prematurely? I don't get it. He has no crystal ball. You have no crystal ball. If things are going well, you should enjoy things going well ... until they don't. Until you no longer what to be a couple. Certainly when he leaves, you are free. He is free. If there is no ring and no wedding date, you are free.

I can see the value in this approach. From your perspective there is still some chance that if things go well before he leaves, they may become more serious when he comes back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it’s not a “yes”, then it’s a “no”.

+100 sorry but maybes he's just not that into you.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

Those are my thoughts as well.

You are both weak.

She’s not asking for a marriage proposal. She asked about an official relationship. Any man who can’t give that at 3 months is not into you and is using you as a placeholder until the real one comes along. Dump him with this logic and move on. If he comes back to you he is yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

Those are my thoughts as well.

Hard disagree and this perspective is part of why dating is so horrible today.

Three months is more than enough time to know whether you want something serious with someone.

My now-husband made it exclusive very fast after meeting me. It was so different than I was used to (in a good way!) and I said “but what if we don’t like each other?” And he said “we’ll break up.”

That made so much sense to me! People can always break up. But there is no reason to spend multiple seasons spending time with, getting to know, and *having sex* with someone who isn’t even sure if they want to be exclusive with you.

Three months is enough time for YOU to know, but not everyone. It takes me a lot longer.

Ridiculous. Men who know (and they are the only men worth having), know almost immediately.