Guy being wishy washy

[Anonymous]

I think knowing that he will be gone for three months next year is a good enough reason why he is unable to commit right now.

I think it would be hard (though not impossible) for him to become exclusive knowing that he will be leaving in five months or so.

On the other hand, if you guys did commit now you COULD do a long-distance relationship if you were serious about each other.

My best guess is he enjoys being single.

[Anonymous]

He’s just not that into you. This is liberating. Once you realize men who want you act like they want you, you can stop messing around and live your life. Cut him loose. You deserve a man who makes you feel sure he wants you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think knowing that he will be gone for three months next year is a good enough reason why he is unable to commit right now.

I think it would be hard (though not impossible) for him to become exclusive knowing that he will be leaving in five months or so.

On the other hand, if you guys did commit now you COULD do a long-distance relationship if you were serious about each other.

My best guess is he enjoys being single.

I don’t get why it’s hard? I don’t expect us to be exclusive while he’s gone.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t make sense to be official for a few months, then not, then…when he comes back

Why do you want to be exclusive now? Don’t complicate things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think knowing that he will be gone for three months next year is a good enough reason why he is unable to commit right now.

I think it would be hard (though not impossible) for him to become exclusive knowing that he will be leaving in five months or so.

On the other hand, if you guys did commit now you COULD do a long-distance relationship if you were serious about each other.

My best guess is he enjoys being single.

I don’t get why it’s hard? I don’t expect us to be exclusive while he’s gone. [/quote

It’s not hard necessarily but in his mind it probably doesn’t make sense to make a bigger commitment for a few months then open the relationship back up when he leaves. It’s just easier to leave things as they are for now.

[Anonymous]

This is the exact plot of season 2 of sex and the city.

[Anonymous]

So at the beginning of next year, when he leaves, you will have been seeing each other for 7 months.

There are two separate issues here: he won’t define the relationship after three months, and that he isn’t sure whether he wants to lock it down before he eventually leaves town for a few months.

You aren’t on the same page. I would be honest with him and tell him that you’re looking for a committed relationship. He seems unsure so it’s best you go your separate ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think knowing that he will be gone for three months next year is a good enough reason why he is unable to commit right now.

I think it would be hard (though not impossible) for him to become exclusive knowing that he will be leaving in five months or so.

On the other hand, if you guys did commit now you COULD do a long-distance relationship if you were serious about each other.

My best guess is he enjoys being single.

I don’t get why it’s hard? I don’t expect us to be exclusive while he’s gone.

I think it might not make sense to him to be committed and exclusive, knowing that he's leaving in a few months. That's a temporary commitment; it's kind of odd to say "only sleep with me for now, then we'll both be free to date/sleep with other people for three months, then we'll be exclusive again." It seems reasonable to you, but I can see why he's not jumping on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think knowing that he will be gone for three months next year is a good enough reason why he is unable to commit right now.

I think it would be hard (though not impossible) for him to become exclusive knowing that he will be leaving in five months or so.

On the other hand, if you guys did commit now you COULD do a long-distance relationship if you were serious about each other.

My best guess is he enjoys being single.

I don’t get why it’s hard? I don’t expect us to be exclusive while he’s gone.

I think it might not make sense to him to be committed and exclusive, knowing that he's leaving in a few months. That's a temporary commitment; it's kind of odd to say "only sleep with me for now, then we'll both be free to date/sleep with other people for three months, then we'll be exclusive again." It seems reasonable to you, but I can see why he's not jumping on board.

What would be a more reasonable solution here?

[Anonymous]

It’s only been three months and he’s leaving in a few months for awhile. Why does there have to be definition? What’s “acting like a boyfriend or girlfriend” and how does that differ from dating? Can’t you just roll with it and enjoy the time you’re spending together without having a label?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s only been three months and he’s leaving in a few months for awhile. Why does there have to be definition? What’s “acting like a boyfriend or girlfriend” and how does that differ from dating? Can’t you just roll with it and enjoy the time you’re spending together without having a label?

Why should she roll with it if she’s looking for something serious? The time she is wasting with this dude is time she could using to find a man who wants something serious. Plus presumably they are having sex. Why can’t she prefer her sex partner only sleep with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you. This is liberating. Once you realize men who want you act like they want you, you can stop messing around and live your life. Cut him loose. You deserve a man who makes you feel sure he wants you.

What if no such man exists? This guy may be the best option out there for OP, three-month hiatus and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

Those are my thoughts as well.

Hard disagree and this perspective is part of why dating is so horrible today.

Three months is more than enough time to know whether you want something serious with someone.

My now-husband made it exclusive very fast after meeting me. It was so different than I was used to (in a good way!) and I said “but what if we don’t like each other?” And he said “we’ll break up.”

That made so much sense to me! People can always break up. But there is no reason to spend multiple seasons spending time with, getting to know, and *having sex* with someone who isn’t even sure if they want to be exclusive with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating a guy for 3 months. It’s been a very good time, which seems to be mutual. We act like boyfriend/girlfriend….socialize together, see each other a lot, regular overnights etc. He has to go overseas for work for 3 months at the beginning of next year. I had a DTR talk with him recently, and shared that I’d like us to be official, and we can take a pause while he’s away then decide if we want to link back up when he’s back.

He was pretty evasive in the convo. Said he wasn’t sure how we should approach things since he’d be leaving, but that he has been enjoying himself and acknowledged that we act like a couple. Then a few hours later asked me to meet his sister when she comes to town tomorrow.

I like him, but it’s weird he can’t just call us an official couple. I don’t like acting like a girlfriend, but not being one. Am I being reasonable?

No. It's only been three months.

Those are my thoughts as well.

Hard disagree and this perspective is part of why dating is so horrible today.

Three months is more than enough time to know whether you want something serious with someone.

My now-husband made it exclusive very fast after meeting me. It was so different than I was used to (in a good way!) and I said “but what if we don’t like each other?” And he said “we’ll break up.”

That made so much sense to me! People can always break up. But there is no reason to spend multiple seasons spending time with, getting to know, and *having sex* with someone who isn’t even sure if they want to be exclusive with you.

Exactly - if you are happy with the person, you would not want to have sex with others and continue dating in parallel. If something doesn’t work out after being exclusive for a few months. you can just break up.

But I see no point and in general a health hazard sleeping with someone who is potentially sleeping with other partners. And waiting for “exclusivity talk”. So demeaning for a woman !

[Anonymous]

I think you should keep it casual and see other people until he gets back. Let him bring it up again when he gets back, otherwise, it's just fun with an end date when he leaves. Be safe, of course.