Afternoon Tea went awful

[Anonymous]

I think I went too far with trying to micro-mange everything and it didn't turn out great. We usually rotate between houses in our cul-de-sac and I wanted everything to go perfect.

[Anonymous]

You'll fix things and do better next time. Try not to worry, OP. If you're a micro-manager, it's likely that you over-analyze too and that your guests didn't think it was so much of a big deal.
If it's a problem with serving, let people serve themselves.

[Anonymous]

Wanting everything to be perfect is a recipe for disaster. Even if your guests think everything is great, you'll pick up on any tiny detail that wasn't exactly what you want. Learn to let go and just enjoy things. Life is far too short to be stressed out micro managing everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll fix things and do better next time. Try not to worry, OP. If you're a micro-manager, it's likely that you over-analyze too and that your guests didn't think it was so much of a big deal.
If it's a problem with serving, let people serve themselves.

I think they understood and were okay with it, we've all been good friends for years since we moved into the neighborhood together at roughly the same time. I just have a very -BAD- habit of micro-managing and trying to ensure everything goes off without a hitch. I really want to improve on this but I don't know how.

[Anonymous]

My mom was like you. It's a miserable way to live. The reality is your guests either never noticed all the things you thought were a disaster or you were so uptight you made everyone miserable. Been through both scenarios. Next time, focus on having a good time, not trying to be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll fix things and do better next time. Try not to worry, OP. If you're a micro-manager, it's likely that you over-analyze too and that your guests didn't think it was so much of a big deal.
If it's a problem with serving, let people serve themselves.

I think they understood and were okay with it, we've all been good friends for years since we moved into the neighborhood together at roughly the same time. I just have a very -BAD- habit of micro-managing and trying to ensure everything goes off without a hitch. I really want to improve on this but I don't know how.

Whats the point of micro managing? So that everything goes perfectly? Well you did micro manage and it didn't go perfectly so now that's canceled out. You probably care too much what people think of you and want to be the best. Focus on having a good time with your friends, not trying to be the best at it. And since you're all good friends, maybe back off hosting until you can work on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll fix things and do better next time. Try not to worry, OP. If you're a micro-manager, it's likely that you over-analyze too and that your guests didn't think it was so much of a big deal.
If it's a problem with serving, let people serve themselves.

I think they understood and were okay with it, we've all been good friends for years since we moved into the neighborhood together at roughly the same time. I just have a very -BAD- habit of micro-managing and trying to ensure everything goes off without a hitch. I really want to improve on this but I don't know how.

My ADHD/ASD husband is like this - it's really annoying for me as his spouse, but guests aren't exposed as much and will happily tolerate his little foibles. Talk about this with a therapist. Micro-managing stems from anxiety. What are you afraid of? That someone will spill, or shatter a cup? That there won't be enough of each little item to go around? You need to self-talk yourself into a more trusting frame of mind, and remind yourself of the priority: not that accidents don't happen, or that everyone has a bite of everything or that the Earl Grey is steeped at 95F exactly... but that your guests, who I PROMISE YOU don't care in the least about such details, sense an atmosphere of relaxation and good cheer. Feeling the stress of the host is the opposite of that.

[Anonymous]

You need to schedule a conscious transition moment where you change from Type A Planner to Mellow Hostess.

I think a caftan helps. A caftan and maybe half a Valium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll fix things and do better next time. Try not to worry, OP. If you're a micro-manager, it's likely that you over-analyze too and that your guests didn't think it was so much of a big deal.
If it's a problem with serving, let people serve themselves.

I think they understood and were okay with it, we've all been good friends for years since we moved into the neighborhood together at roughly the same time. I just have a very -BAD- habit of micro-managing and trying to ensure everything goes off without a hitch. I really want to improve on this but I don't know how.

The fact that you recognize that it’s a problem makes you more self aware than most. Try to pay more attention to the people than all the details. If the people are smiling and happy, you have to really make yourself believe that they are indeed happy and the details are less important than how much they are enjoying themselves.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a job?

[Anonymous]

How bad can afternoon tea go? Did you spill a pot of scalding tea on someone's lap? Accidentally add arsenic instead of sugar to the crumpets?

I'm sympathetic to it not going as perfectly as you had imagined, but I'm struggling to see what went wrong. Likely your guests have a different take on the situation than you do.

[Anonymous]

Was it a legit afternoon tea? Like with scones/cream/jam, like cakes…. I’m drooling btw… I could forgive you almost anything if you gave me those…..

[Anonymous]

OP, seek help.

[Anonymous]

Give us an example to go by. What went wrong, in your mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, seek help.

NP. OMG pls shut up and get off her back! You are apart of the problem