Any happily married people long to live alone?
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Anonymous
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Love my husband, love my kids. Would love to see them every day. I so wish I didn't live with them. I've been telling my kids (teen and tween) to pick up their shoes every single day since they were about 2. Multiply that by 100 items. Husband is better than they are but still messy. I'm tired of telling them; I'm tired of doing it myself; I don't want to impose consequences; I just want their stuff all gone. I have to call it a win when they put their shoes next to the shoe basket or the empty food container on the counter that is over the trash bin.
I would never be like this, because it's so rude, but I completely get the "kitchen is closed" MILs and the "eat your nice fruit on the porch" poster. I keep telling myself that this is the small stuff, but dang it, I want a nice, clean house that isn't filled with all their stuff! I want to find the things I need because they are where I left them (i.e., where they belong - pens, scissors, tape...). They are amazed that I know what snacks they had after I went to bed. I'm constantly saying no eating throughout the house but I still find discarded applesauce packets or an empty dorito bag. All of this crap belongs to that invisible guy who lives with us, whose name is "Not Me," because that's what they tell me when I ask who left the x out. I'm contemplating buying different colored dishes for everyone so there are no arguments about whose dishes are in the sink. Why do they put dishes in the sink when I have been telling them for years to please put them in the dishwasher that is right next to the sink? I fantasize about living alone every. single. day. |
Anonymous
| One day the kids will have moved out and your husband will be dead. Your day will come. |
Anonymous
| I completely relate, OP. It would be very peaceful to live alone at least for a little bit |
Anonymous
Yep. It would be lonely after awhile, but I would love two weeks alone in my house. One week to put it in order and then a week to live that way. |
Anonymous
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My kid's friend is very messy with food, eats all over the house and the parents don't care. Today she came over, ate a pizza, rubbed cheese and bread all over an armchair, left a mess of crumbs... I cleaned up the chair and floor, only to later find out that she made a ball of the remaining 1/2 slice of pizza and a napkin, and left this ball of mess sitting on the coffee table.
The reason this kid behaves this way is that her parents let her. She doesn't get told to clean up, or if the parents do say anything, it's only half-hearted and while they are cleaning up after her. Think about what your husband and you are doing to allow this behavior. There is a middle ground between locking up the kitchen and not having food all over the place. Personally, I find dishes left in the sink acceptable, but if you don't, create consequences (and/or incentives for correct behavior). |
Anonymous
| Too much drama OP. Those are normal things come along with having a family/raising kids. What's up with your silly title? |
Anonymous
Yes agreed, it would be nice! When I have friends that get in my minivan, they comment on how clean it is. It’s the only space that I can really keep clutter and mess- free. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I wish we could be neighbors. My personal fantasy. |
Anonymous
| No. I really like living together. It makes me sad one of us will die first and have to live without the other. |
Anonymous
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Well, you didn't train them properly! Stop cleaning up after then and start making them do it. Yes, it's hard at first, but after a while a simple "hmm what's wrong with this picture?" will suffice.
My husband is neat and tidy though, so maybe I have it a bit easier. My kids are 8, 10, and 14. Only the 8 yo needs the occasional prod. |
Anonymous
| For one month each summer rent a house by yourself. Or send the kids to camp. Problem solved. |
Anonymous
No, this is not normal. A wife and a mother is not a maid. If I found one empty Doritos pack or a wrapper anywhere besides the trash can, that would be the end of buying any kind of snacks for the next month or two. My kids knew that. Once they were teens and earned money, I told them that any kind of clean up I do due to their messiness comes at my professional billing rate. Very easy when I have access to their savings accounts. |
Anonymous
| I’d love it for a long weekend, especially if someone cleaned the house for me first. But after a few days I’d miss them and the chaos. I’ve got three kids under 8. |
Anonymous
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OP sounds like my (ex) wife. Living alone is great except for:
who will kill the mice? who will kill the ants? who will mow the lawn? who will unclog the toilet? who will fix the dryer? who will unclog the shower? who will shovel the driveway? who will change the oil? who will change the headlight lightbulb? who will wash the cars? who will fix the front door lock? who will spread the pre-emergent? who will plant the new landscaping? who will trim the trees? (I also did all the dishes, most of the cooking, and all of the laundry when I was married--who will do those tasks?) |
Anonymous
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OP it's easy for all of us to say "oh one day they'll all be gone and you'll miss this...", and I do think some clutter comes part and parcel with family life. But I have to tell you that as a single mom when I read stuff like this, the first thing I think of is how isolating it would feel if I was picking up, not only after my kids, but also a man. That's...so depressing. It's simplistic to go the whole "you have a husband problem" route, but you really do. You have a partner problem. Whether all of us agree with your standards or not, you're clearly miserable to go so far as wishing to live alone. Presumedly you enjoy your family beyond this mess they clearly leave out for you.
My first suggestion is to get your H on board so that you're battling this as a team; kids follow consequences and my DD isn't perfect but food wrappers left out don't happen in my house for a reason. But I understand that sometimes that just won't happen, given the number of vents on this board about men not helping (again, awful). So, when I think about how to get a whole group to shape up, eliminating the "those aren't my dishes" nonsense, I think of the way they did it in the military: if one person's bunk is unmade, the whole platoon does pushups. Sounds crazy, but without group accountability they will 100% keep dumping it on mom who will pick up the Dorito bags. So, impose some rules. Trash out? Mom doesn't cook. Shoes out? Mom doesn't do laundry. Yes this involves you "dropping the rope" and you might have a disastrous house for weeks. But I don't see this ending unless your group gets on the same page and holds each other accountable (and by group I mean your H acting like an adult and setting an example so the kids follow). Feel free to tell me this is dumb, as I don't routinely have to negotiate this stuff with a daily partner. On the other hand, I'm happy, my house is pretty tidy, and my kid picks up after herself. I hope things improve for you, truly. |