Help me understand the Ivy obsession

[Anonymous]

Full disclosure- I went to Princeton. I grew up in an immigrant household with zero expectation for going to an ivy. And I somehow got in and it was fine. I loved the social aspects and the resources but the education wasn’t all that great. Anyway, forward to the real world and my classmates are doing okay- most of them followed the cookie cutter pathway to law school / med school/ business school. Some have not found their way. Some wasted the education and have done nothing with it. We have some people who are SAHM or working on their 8th year of a phd.

But- in the working world, I’ve worked with people from all schools/ universities and they are thriving (despite not going to ivy leagues.) The world is much bigger than ivys and after a while going to an ivy means nothing : it becomes more about work performance, emotional IQ, and getting the job done. My Princeton degree maybe comes into play when I apply for a job but otherwise who cares?

I think seeing all of this makes me less enthusiastic / intense about my own kid going to an ivy. I don’t quite get the emphasis/ obsession. I’m more concerned with my daughter having a really good education from k-12 so she can tackle any career she wants. I just saw a post about not going to a top private school because it won’t get you into an ivy. Why is it all about ivys? Isn’t the goal of parenting to help your kid have a great foundation/ school environment that works for them? What are you assuming an ivy will do for your kid? Look around your work- did everyone go to an ivy? Is everyone who is successful only from an ivy?

[Anonymous]

Maybe because there are posts that are basically the same as yours two or three times per week? You realize you are feeding the obsession, yes?

That said, I will take a crack. My own view is that because the incredible, outsized outcomes seem to be clustered in elite schools. If you look at the ranks of billionaire hedge fund, P/E, start-up founders, etc., it is shocking how it is clustered in just like 10 schools. Of course, not everyone graduated...but just look at the current thread on Open AI the current hottest tech start-up...Stanford drop-out, Harvard drop-out and Duke graduate. Look at the people/founders getting all the press currently...Musk from Penn, Zuckerberg from Harvard, Bezos from Princeton, etc. The amount of VC that flows to graduates of the top 10 schools is like 20x the amount flowing to all the other schools combined.

It is no different than if you are an athlete hoping to make it to the Pros. If you want to play pro football, sure you might get drafted out of North Dakota State, but the number of players drafted out of Alabama guarantees that every pro team is always paying attention to Alabama...while they only pay attention to North Dakota State because one player (Carson Wentz as an example) emerges to generate some buzz.

There will always be the folks arguing that Bezos would still have founded Amazon even if he had gone to the University of New Mexico...but of course he didn't and that is just theoretical. Yes, 98% of the graduates from Ivy League schools will go on to lead normal, decent lives...and some may fail miserably. But everyone thinks they can be in the 2% that succeed beyond anyone's wildest imagination.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the rich say money is not everything - the people who went to ivy say ivy is not all that. It maybe true but many will not believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full disclosure- I went to Princeton. I grew up in an immigrant household with zero expectation for going to an ivy. And I somehow got in and it was fine. I loved the social aspects and the resources but the education wasn’t all that great. Anyway, forward to the real world and my classmates are doing okay- most of them followed the cookie cutter pathway to law school / med school/ business school. Some have not found their way. Some wasted the education and have done nothing with it. We have some people who are SAHM or working on their 8th year of a phd.

But- in the working world, I’ve worked with people from all schools/ universities and they are thriving (despite not going to ivy leagues.) The world is much bigger than ivys and after a while going to an ivy means nothing : it becomes more about work performance, emotional IQ, and getting the job done. My Princeton degree maybe comes into play when I apply for a job but otherwise who cares?

I think seeing all of this makes me less enthusiastic / intense about my own kid going to an ivy. I don’t quite get the emphasis/ obsession. I’m more concerned with my daughter having a really good education from k-12 so she can tackle any career she wants. I just saw a post about not going to a top private school because it won’t get you into an ivy. Why is it all about ivys? Isn’t the goal of parenting to help your kid have a great foundation/ school environment that works for them? What are you assuming an ivy will do for your kid? Look around your work- did everyone go to an ivy? Is everyone who is successful only from an ivy?

ivy /ˈaɪvi/ noun. plural ivies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full disclosure- I went to Princeton. I grew up in an immigrant household with zero expectation for going to an ivy. And I somehow got in and it was fine. I loved the social aspects and the resources but the education wasn’t all that great. Anyway, forward to the real world and my classmates are doing okay- most of them followed the cookie cutter pathway to law school / med school/ business school. Some have not found their way. Some wasted the education and have done nothing with it. We have some people who are SAHM or working on their 8th year of a phd.

But- in the working world, I’ve worked with people from all schools/ universities and they are thriving (despite not going to ivy leagues.) The world is much bigger than ivys and after a while going to an ivy means nothing : it becomes more about work performance, emotional IQ, and getting the job done. My Princeton degree maybe comes into play when I apply for a job but otherwise who cares?

I think seeing all of this makes me less enthusiastic / intense about my own kid going to an ivy. I don’t quite get the emphasis/ obsession. I’m more concerned with my daughter having a really good education from k-12 so she can tackle any career she wants. I just saw a post about not going to a top private school because it won’t get you into an ivy. Why is it all about ivys? Isn’t the goal of parenting to help your kid have a great foundation/ school environment that works for them? What are you assuming an ivy will do for your kid? Look around your work- did everyone go to an ivy? Is everyone who is successful only from an ivy?

ivy /ˈaɪvi/ noun. plural ivies.

Really ???

[Anonymous]

Among all things with which a society could be obsessed, striving for admission to any in a group of exceptional universities is a positive.

[Anonymous]

OP: At the base level, it is really about wanting a better life for one's kids.

Is that a bad thing ? Maybe, if taken to the extreme of Top 15 University or bust, but overall it is an admirable goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full disclosure- I went to Princeton. I grew up in an immigrant household with zero expectation for going to an ivy. And I somehow got in and it was fine. I loved the social aspects and the resources but the education wasn’t all that great. Anyway, forward to the real world and my classmates are doing okay- most of them followed the cookie cutter pathway to law school / med school/ business school. Some have not found their way. Some wasted the education and have done nothing with it. We have some people who are SAHM or working on their 8th year of a phd.

But- in the working world, I’ve worked with people from all schools/ universities and they are thriving (despite not going to ivy leagues.) The world is much bigger than ivys and after a while going to an ivy means nothing : it becomes more about work performance, emotional IQ, and getting the job done. My Princeton degree maybe comes into play when I apply for a job but otherwise who cares?

I think seeing all of this makes me less enthusiastic / intense about my own kid going to an ivy. I don’t quite get the emphasis/ obsession. I’m more concerned with my daughter having a really good education from k-12 so she can tackle any career she wants. I just saw a post about not going to a top private school because it won’t get you into an ivy. Why is it all about ivys? Isn’t the goal of parenting to help your kid have a great foundation/ school environment that works for them? What are you assuming an ivy will do for your kid? Look around your work- did everyone go to an ivy? Is everyone who is successful only from an ivy?

ivy /ˈaɪvi/ noun. plural ivies.

Really ???

What is the plural of ivy?
Answer
The noun ivy can be countable or uncountable.
However, in more specific contexts, the plural form can also be ivies e.g. in reference to various types of ivies or a collection of ivies.

Ivy grads often see pattern where it's not obvious. They usually crack the spelling code by 6th grade.

[Anonymous]

You seem to lack a ton of awareness. Wow.

But I predict you'll send your kid to a Big 3-type school for the education. Because you value it and correctly want the best foundation possible. And you'll meet lots of other Ivy-educated parents who feel the same way. They desire the best education and a kid who is curious, passionate and hard working. Then those kids, because they got a great education and have Ivy-educated parents who value learning for its own sake, will get the coveted Ivy spots. And everyone else wants to be you- someone who has options and opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Magical thinking

Mark of parental success

Wanting the best for your kid

Status seeking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full disclosure- I went to Princeton. I grew up in an immigrant household with zero expectation for going to an ivy. And I somehow got in and it was fine. I loved the social aspects and the resources but the education wasn’t all that great. Anyway, forward to the real world and my classmates are doing okay- most of them followed the cookie cutter pathway to law school / med school/ business school. Some have not found their way. Some wasted the education and have done nothing with it. We have some people who are SAHM or working on their 8th year of a phd.

But- in the working world, I’ve worked with people from all schools/ universities and they are thriving (despite not going to ivy leagues.) The world is much bigger than ivys and after a while going to an ivy means nothing : it becomes more about work performance, emotional IQ, and getting the job done. My Princeton degree maybe comes into play when I apply for a job but otherwise who cares?

I think seeing all of this makes me less enthusiastic / intense about my own kid going to an ivy. I don’t quite get the emphasis/ obsession. I’m more concerned with my daughter having a really good education from k-12 so she can tackle any career she wants. I just saw a post about not going to a top private school because it won’t get you into an ivy. Why is it all about ivys? Isn’t the goal of parenting to help your kid have a great foundation/ school environment that works for them? What are you assuming an ivy will do for your kid? Look around your work- did everyone go to an ivy? Is everyone who is successful only from an ivy?

ivy /ˈaɪvi/ noun. plural ivies.

Really ???

What is the plural of ivy?
Answer
The noun ivy can be countable or uncountable.
However, in more specific contexts, the plural form can also be ivies e.g. in reference to various types of ivies or a collection of ivies.

Ivy grads often see pattern where it's not obvious. They usually crack the spelling code by 6th grade.

Bumpkin.

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid anyway.
People say all sorts of things when the kids are little but then completely pivot when the kids are in high school. If you don’t use your legacy status for your kid, then by all means come back and lecture everyone

[Anonymous]

Grass is always greener. If you had been rejected, you’d feel sure your life would somehow be better if you had a Princeton degree.

And don’t insult the rest of us by pretending your connections and that name on your resume haven’t been powerful. And now your kid has legacy status. Really, you sound unaware and pampered. The middle class is dying. There’s a bigger gap between the have and the have nots. A lot of people are just plain afraid of slipping into a harder life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to lack a ton of awareness. Wow.

But I predict you'll send your kid to a Big 3-type school for the education. Because you value it and correctly want the best foundation possible. And you'll meet lots of other Ivy-educated parents who feel the same way. They desire the best education and a kid who is curious, passionate and hard working. Then those kids, because they got a great education and have Ivy-educated parents who value learning for its own sake, will get the coveted Ivy spots. And everyone else wants to be you- someone who has options and opportunities.

Nah, the daughter will go to TJ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your kid anyway.
People say all sorts of things when the kids are little but then completely pivot when the kids are in high school. If you don’t use your legacy status for your kid, then by all means come back and lecture everyone

+1
I loved it when the double legacy Yale couple questioned my anxiety about my middle schooler’s education. Pffft.