Disagreement with spouse on DC Pride

[Anonymous]

My daughter and I have been going to pride together for the last 10 years or so. It's one of our favorite traditions. This year is a big year as my daughter came out to us - so I feel both my spouse and I should attend to support her (she's 14). My spouse does not like big events and rarely goes, but I feel like this one year they can suck it up and be there to support our daughter.

I don't really have a question I guess, I'm just venting because I'm annoyed. My daughter doesn't seem to care, she's just excited for her first Pride being out. I can't figure out why it bothers me so much.

[Anonymous]

It’s up to your spouse to forge their own relationship with your daughter. Not you.

[Anonymous]

I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse can support her in other ways. It doesn't need to be by going to the parade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not surprised your daughter came out.

Ha, yeah - we sprayed her with the "gay" spray just to be double sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

Dp. From your OP sounds like she doesn’t mind… unless you’re telling here there is some split, why would she think that? Your spouse doesn’t have to enjoy parades to be supportive of your daughter. If she says something, just tell her that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

Dp. From your OP sounds like she doesn’t mind… unless you’re telling here there is some split, why would she think that? Your spouse doesn’t have to enjoy parades to be supportive of your daughter. If she says something, just tell her that.

I think I may be reading into it too much. My spouses parents were not supportive of her coming out and I guess I might be a bit over sensitive about that whole thing. That's why I post here, I know I will be told the real deal since we're all anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

Dp. From your OP sounds like she doesn’t mind… unless you’re telling here there is some split, why would she think that? Your spouse doesn’t have to enjoy parades to be supportive of your daughter. If she says something, just tell her that.

I think I may be reading into it too much. My spouses parents were not supportive of her coming out and I guess I might be a bit over sensitive about that whole thing. That's why I post here, I know I will be told the real deal since we're all anonymous.

Your spouses parents weren’t supportive of your daughter coming out? Or of your spouse coming out? Either way, presumably you have both expressed in your own ways that you’re supportive of your daughter and one parade doesn’t change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

Dp. From your OP sounds like she doesn’t mind… unless you’re telling here there is some split, why would she think that? Your spouse doesn’t have to enjoy parades to be supportive of your daughter. If she says something, just tell her that.

I think I may be reading into it too much. My spouses parents were not supportive of her coming out and I guess I might be a bit over sensitive about that whole thing. That's why I post here, I know I will be told the real deal since we're all anonymous.

Your spouses parents weren’t supportive of your daughter coming out? Or of your spouse coming out? Either way, presumably you have both expressed in your own ways that you’re supportive of your daughter and one parade doesn’t change that.

Spouses parents not supportive of my daughter. They have cut all ties with her since she came out. Terrible grandparents - I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

Dp. From your OP sounds like she doesn’t mind… unless you’re telling here there is some split, why would she think that? Your spouse doesn’t have to enjoy parades to be supportive of your daughter. If she says something, just tell her that.

I think I may be reading into it too much. My spouses parents were not supportive of her coming out and I guess I might be a bit over sensitive about that whole thing. That's why I post here, I know I will be told the real deal since we're all anonymous.

Your spouses parents weren’t supportive of your daughter coming out? Or of your spouse coming out? Either way, presumably you have both expressed in your own ways that you’re supportive of your daughter and one parade doesn’t change that.

Spouses parents not supportive of my daughter. They have cut all ties with her since she came out. Terrible grandparents - I know.

Grandparents set their boundaries. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unreasonable for you to dictate how your spouse shows his support for your daughter. Attending pride events is not a requisite for supporting someone who is LGBTQ+.

I have many LGBTQ family members and friends, I am hugely supportive of them and love them just as they are. I never go to Pride because I do not like large events. I also don't go to street festivals for anything else.

My response might be different if your DD was bothered by his reluctance to go or if you indicated he was otherwise not supportive of her coming out.

Thank you - it's good to hear this side. I just hope my daughter doesn't see it as an indication that we are split on supporting her.

Instead of hoping that she doesn't look at it that way, address it. First sit down with your spouse (without your daughter) and express your concerns but don't make it about him going to Pride -- if he doesn't like crowds, he doesn't like crowds. Instead just explain your concerns about making sure your DD feels supported, especially in light of his parents' response to her coming out. Assuming he does in fact support her, maybe discuss some ways he could show that support that make sense for him and for their relationship. If he's not into crowded events, maybe he could read a book on the history of pride or the history of the LGBTQ+ fight for basic rights. You can learn about Stonewall without going to a parade.

Then once you guys are on the same page, communicate that to your daughter so she hears you both say that you support her. I also think it would be valuable to let her know that you both disagree with your IL's choices on the matter, because that's a harsh rejection (even if she wasn't close to them) and it's important to make sure she knows that you guys are behind her even if they are not.

[Anonymous]

There are so many Pride events happening throughout the city this month. Have your DH find something that’s more his speed and he can plan something on his own w/your DD. For example, I have tickets to see Fun Home at Studio Theatre at the end of the month. It doesn’t have to be the parade or a festival.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it is very sweet that you have such a great relationship with your daughter. I also think it’s great she wants to celebrate her first out pride with you. I think it’s possible your spouse doesn’t want to intrude on that.

I wouldn’t read too much into it. Not wanting to go to Pride doesn’t mean your spouse isn’t supporting your daughter.

[Anonymous]

The first couple years after I came out as a young person, I went to Pride parades. For me and my queer friend group, they just weren't our thing. Obviously that wasn't a reflrction of our support for the community.