Wish I'd had another kid regret?

[Anonymous]

I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

[Anonymous]

Focus on the kids you have who need you.

[Anonymous]

I’m the exact same age and have the same regret, but it’s very mild now. My kids are older—17 and 15—and the wiser part of my brain realizes paying for college would be much harder with three (we aren’t rich). But I was one of three and I love that dynamic, and sometimes when my family is doing something together I get a pang of, “Who’s missing? Oh right, nobody.” Oh well, I’m definitely not having another!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the exact same age and have the same regret, but it’s very mild now. My kids are older—17 and 15—and the wiser part of my brain realizes paying for college would be much harder with three (we aren’t rich). But I was one of three and I love that dynamic, and sometimes when my family is doing something together I get a pang of, “Who’s missing? Oh right, nobody.” Oh well, I’m definitely not having another!

though if you were robert de niro you could have another AND another in 34 years from now!

[Anonymous]

My two are in college now and have turned out so nicely I wish I had another but then again you never know if the streak would continue.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the longing for another. Each child is really a roll of the dice. We should all be happy for the healthy children that we have. Each of my pregnancies, I was so anxious because I just wanted the baby, and consequently child, to be ok, "normal". I don't wish or long for those days. Glad to be out of the baby game with two healthy typical kids.

[Anonymous]

I had the same feeling at 45 when I had two kids 12 and 10. Got pregnant at 46. Now, I am 47 and raising 3 kids. Everything is possible.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, 42 here and always. wanted three kids. I’ve had 3 miscarriages in 2 years and a DH who is now saying he’s done. I am trying to lean into doing anything I want to activity wise with the family I have. I’m not over it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have this regret about not having a third (am now 45).
It would have killed my career esp during covid, plus one of my kids (they are 7 and 9) has adhd and needs extra attn. BUT I still find myself thinking about this every day. Anyone else in the same boat? How do I get past this feeling? URGH.

The opposite. Have two and wish I had stopped at one. #2 is a monumental pita. No way in hell would I want a third knowing it could turn out to be like #2.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this will be me in a decade. I love babies. But they grow so quickly, and I can't keep having babies.

[Anonymous]

At 45 i got unexpectedly pregnant. I’m now much more stressed about college savings and our house size and also whether our middle child will have coping issues as is common. Also my career will take a hit just as I was about to lean back in after the preschool years. We’ll deal with all the changes and this child is already loved but I’m keenly aware of the sacrifices and trade offs that will take for everyone in our family.

[Anonymous]

When they're teens you may be glad you only have 2 teen years can be rough!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the longing for another. Each child is really a roll of the dice. We should all be happy for the healthy children that we have. Each of my pregnancies, I was so anxious because I just wanted the baby, and consequently child, to be ok, "normal". I don't wish or long for those days. Glad to be out of the baby game with two healthy typical kids.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Not at all, but my SIL was like this. She has six kids! She gets her baby fix from holding all her new nieces and nephews. I don't think her desire for another baby has gone away but it gets weaker over time. And she's pretty freaking busy with six so she doesn't have a lot of time to think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the longing for another. Each child is really a roll of the dice. We should all be happy for the healthy children that we have. Each of my pregnancies, I was so anxious because I just wanted the baby, and consequently child, to be ok, "normal". I don't wish or long for those days. Glad to be out of the baby game with two healthy typical kids.

Why did you have two then? Why not stop at one if you didn’t want to take a chance on raising a child who was not “normal”? Why did you even have one at all? And how do you know your currently healthy typical kids will always be like that? Having children is a never-ending role of the dice. I like OP also wish I could have more kids but I know I couldn’t provide for more than I have emotionally or financially. But I’m still a bit wistful when I see larger families and think how good my kids would be with more siblings.