Think I need a therapist. And maybe a lawyer..

[Anonymous]

I think I’ve reached a breaking point and don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to divorce as it will devastate my kids. But I’m right now laying in my daughter’s bed (she’s asleep) in tears because my husband got so drunk tonight and started behaving in the most absurd way, denying being drunk, started calling people (my friends) to prove me wrong, he was completely delusional. I’m not sure how this happened, he didn’t even drink very much and I’m thinking he most have had a reaction because he’s on several different medications. But it reminds me of a few similar incidents we had early in our relationship, about 15 years ago. It’s completely mad.

Does anyone have a good therapist to recommend, maybe someone who knows about emotional abuse? I’m in Bethesda area.

[Anonymous]

This does not sound like emotional abuse. That is a pattern...over years. Not a one-time incident that is occasional.

He should not be drinking on meds.

Also, go to a neurologist. Sudden odd behavior can be a health issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like emotional abuse. That is a pattern...over years. Not a one-time incident that is occasional.

He should not be drinking on meds.

Also, go to a neurologist. Sudden odd behavior can be a health issue.

Are you saying it has to happen over years to be emotional abuse? Wow couldn’t disagree more. Do you think the same about physical abuse?

[Anonymous]

You can get a telehealth therapist and a telehealth lawyer. Just start googling. You can always replace them at any time.

But get started on this process. You have to. You sound rightfully miserable.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. Not “telehealth” lawyer. But one you meet over zoom. S/he could be in Annapolis or Baltimore. Doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like emotional abuse. That is a pattern...over years. Not a one-time incident that is occasional.

He should not be drinking on meds.

Also, go to a neurologist. Sudden odd behavior can be a health issue.

Are you saying it has to happen over years to be emotional abuse? Wow couldn’t disagree more. Do you think the same about physical abuse?

Yes actually emotional abuse has to be a pattern. Nobody is perfect and someone might lie or say mean things every blue moon that is not emotional abuse.

If her H did something like this 15 years ago and eveything is basically fine except yesterday he acted erratic, that is not emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Here is a good therapist in Bethesda.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/kim-ramsey-rockville-md/303070

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he isn’t secretly drinking quite regularly? Alternatively, have you googled the meds he is on to see what they say about drinking? I cannot tell if you are overreacting or if there have been 15 years of real issues you are just not putting out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not sound like emotional abuse. That is a pattern...over years. Not a one-time incident that is occasional.

He should not be drinking on meds.

Also, go to a neurologist. Sudden odd behavior can be a health issue.

Are you saying it has to happen over years to be emotional abuse? Wow couldn’t disagree more. Do you think the same about physical abuse?

Yes. It has to be a pattern to be emotional abuse. A one time episode or rare is just being a jerk. That is not emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don’t know if it qualifies as emotional abuse or not, all
I know is that my two daughters both woke up this morning sad because their dad was wasted and we were arguing. I feel horrible too. He is very remorseful and apologetic this morning but it’s just not enough. I can only see either we end here or I live in worry that my kids will be exposed to this again. I feel horrible for them

[Anonymous]

This seems like a vast overreaction to a one time event — and I’m a person that has very little tolerance for overindulging. I would divorce an alcoholic in a heartbeat, but this isn’t what this sounds like. A kid seeing their parent being a jerky, hot mess one time isn’t something you split up over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he isn’t secretly drinking quite regularly? Alternatively, have you googled the meds he is on to see what they say about drinking? I cannot tell if you are overreacting or if there have been 15 years of real issues you are just not putting out there.

+1. When my DH started exhibiting similar patterns, I.e., appearing to be much more inebriated than would have been expected based on what I saw him drink- that opened a can of worms and I found out he had been secretly drinking and had developed a very serious problem- ultimately he went to AA and it is a happy story for us 12 years later but I would take this v seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a vast overreaction to a one time event — and I’m a person that has very little tolerance for overindulging. I would divorce an alcoholic in a heartbeat, but this isn’t what this sounds like. A kid seeing their parent being a jerky, hot mess one time isn’t something you split up over.

A jerky, drunk, hot mess who yelled at their mom, bumped into walls because he couldn’t walk straight and drunk called people including one of their friends’ mom and asked her to witness that he wasn’t drunk? I don’t feel I’m
overreacting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a vast overreaction to a one time event — and I’m a person that has very little tolerance for overindulging. I would divorce an alcoholic in a heartbeat, but this isn’t what this sounds like. A kid seeing their parent being a jerky, hot mess one time isn’t something you split up over.

A jerky, drunk, hot mess who yelled at their mom, bumped into walls because he couldn’t walk straight and drunk called people including one of their friends’ mom and asked her to witness that he wasn’t drunk? I don’t feel I’m
overreacting

If this is the only time he’s done this in a decade or more, then I think there’s room to forgive. You said he was on meds as well that may have exacerbated the effects of alcohol and he lost control.

Go get both couples and individual therapy to address the damage to trust as well as the other issues that the alcohol might have stirred up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a vast overreaction to a one time event — and I’m a person that has very little tolerance for overindulging. I would divorce an alcoholic in a heartbeat, but this isn’t what this sounds like. A kid seeing their parent being a jerky, hot mess one time isn’t something you split up over.

A jerky, drunk, hot mess who yelled at their mom, bumped into walls because he couldn’t walk straight and drunk called people including one of their friends’ mom and asked her to witness that he wasn’t drunk? I don’t feel I’m
overreacting

I mean, I agree this is nuts. But divorcing is way more harmful to your kids than this one time event. But I bet this guy is a secret alcoholic. In which case, I would run. But you seem sort of nuts yourself to blow up your kid’s lives over this. I would use this to start hard core investigating just how much this guy is drinking and go from there.