Feeling terrible about being a “geriatric” mother

[Anonymous]

Due to a series of bad decisions and bad luck here I am still TTC at 36. I technically started trying at 34 but had a series of miscarriages and here we are a few years later and still TTC. When I think about being a first tile mother at 37 and 38 I feel horrible.This was never my plan. I wanted to be married by 25 and had at least one child before 30 and finished TTC before 35.

And yet here I am not even a mother yet. I also am beginning to see a physical decline in my body and it drives home the point that I am home and how will I have energy to raise a baby?

Sometimes I feel like my time to be a mother has passed and I should move on.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Meh! You will become a mother and then will beetch about breastfeeding, spending time with the kid, a husband who does not help, daycare, nanny issues etc.

Most people are not happy being parents. If it does not happen, let it go. It is not as if your kids are going to fulfill you or something. Heck, they may not even take care of you when you are really geriatric.

[Anonymous]

Had 3 pregnancies over 35. I love my life and my kids. All is good!

[Anonymous]

I hear you. I am one of these geriatric mothers! Had first child at 39! With ivf. It’s hard enough being an older mother but trying to be an older mother to a child with special needs! It’s so hard! I often wonder if it was worth it I also worry about what will happen to him when I pass away, possibly earlier as it’s so stressful and I also don’t get much sleep. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer! Just my life’s experience, didn’t think this would be the road I went down when hoping for babies!

[Anonymous]

I had my first over 40, so I guess it's all relative? "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

[Anonymous]

DCUM skews towards older first time mothers, OP. I had miscarriages at 42, one kid at 30 and one at 25. Plenty of women become mothers in their early 40s.

So chin up. And please lose the guilt - there is already too much of that, and plenty of people will seek to guilt you. Don't start doing that to yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to a series of bad decisions and bad luck here I am still TTC at 36. I technically started trying at 34 but had a series of miscarriages and here we are a few years later and still TTC. When I think about being a first tile mother at 37 and 38 I feel horrible.This was never my plan. I wanted to be married by 25 and had at least one child before 30 and finished TTC before 35.

And yet here I am not even a mother yet. I also am beginning to see a physical decline in my body and it drives home the point that I am home and how will I have energy to raise a baby?

Sometimes I feel like my time to be a mother has passed and I should move on.

Why don't you head over to the fertility forum? People seem to understand there.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. TTC is such a crazy time and it’s 100x worse when it doesn’t work out naturally like it does for many couples. Are you doing any kind of medical fertility treatments? Have you been on the Infertility forum on here?

I know it’s probably cold comfort but, depending where you live in the DC area, you might not be all that out of place as a FTM in her late 30s. A few years older, but most people in this area aren’t having 2 kids by 30.

[Anonymous]

After 35 you should go to a fertility clinic after a year with no success. That said you definitely should be all in to pursue parenthood at any age. I didn’t think I wanted children untill around 35 and after a couple years of trying had successful ivf at 38 and 40. Physically tiring no doubt but was able to make some strong family friendly career decisions due to my seniority at work so there are some positive trade offs. Now crazily enough I’m unexpectedly pregnant with #3 naturally at 45 which is a shock but just goes to show you don’t really know what life will bring but you should def go for the things you want so you don’t have any regrets.

[Anonymous]

Most of my PACE group was 38 (pre-pandemic), so you're not alone! Have you seen an RE? I was unable to get pregnant without IVF, so I think it's best to get the facts about what's going on with your body to help make choices about next steps. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that you aren't fully in control of outcomes. A support group could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Right there with you and yet I had kids starting at 24. That was a BAD relationship and person. So at 38 I have 5 miscarriages, one late under my belt. I had absolutely not desire to have kids at this age. But here I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 35 you should go to a fertility clinic after a year with no success. That said you definitely should be all in to pursue parenthood at any age. I didn’t think I wanted children untill around 35 and after a couple years of trying had successful ivf at 38 and 40. Physically tiring no doubt but was able to make some strong family friendly career decisions due to my seniority at work so there are some positive trade offs. Now crazily enough I’m unexpectedly pregnant with #3 naturally at 45 which is a shock but just goes to show you don’t really know what life will bring but you should def go for the things you want so you don’t have any regrets.

How far along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to a series of bad decisions and bad luck here I am still TTC at 36. I technically started trying at 34 but had a series of miscarriages and here we are a few years later and still TTC. When I think about being a first tile mother at 37 and 38 I feel horrible.This was never my plan. I wanted to be married by 25 and had at least one child before 30 and finished TTC before 35.

And yet here I am not even a mother yet. I also am beginning to see a physical decline in my body and it drives home the point that I am home and how will I have energy to raise a baby?

Sometimes I feel like my time to be a mother has passed and I should move on.

I had mine at 37 and 40. Just stay in shape/thin, act positive and not old/out of date, and don’t not do something with or for your kids because you’re “tired”. Their years at home blow by fast!

[Anonymous]

I had my child at 42. My child is a teenager now and I don’t feel or look geriatric as you put it. You’re young so just concentrate on getting pregnant and forget about ridiculous timelines.