16 yo dd sent multiple revealing pics to unknown contacts on snap

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what to say
She just broke up with her BF
I skim her snap once in a while and saw multiple pics sent to multiple boys
On questioning she just said that it was a rebound reaction and wanted attention
She is not even admitting to how many boys she sent it to
Just said she is sorry and won’t do it again

I am nauseous
Obviously we took away her phone
And trying to talk about dangers and it’s like she knows all that but she did it anyways and is saying sorry
But I don’t get it
is this dumb or dumb , she is old enough to know this
My head is just exploding and I don’t know how to handle this

[Anonymous]

Kids do dumb things. All you can do is remind her and be there to pick up the pieces from any fallout.

[Anonymous]

Yeah this was dumb, but it’s important to strike a balance between respecting the trauma that can come from having your private pictures exposed and buying into the idea that there’s something shameful about having a body or even taking photos of it. If someone misuses the photos, that’s their action and their fault. This conversation drifts quickly into “she was asking for it” and slut-shaming territory imo.

[Anonymous]

If it were my DD, that would be no more snap.

[Anonymous]

Blackmail is real. You new to get thru to her that any photo she sends is out there forever and can be seen by anyone. My kid is younger than yours but I work in LE and deal with teens and adults doing this regularly. I talk to my kid about it on a regular basis. I would tell her she can’t have that app on her phone anymore as she clearly can’t be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blackmail is real. You new to get thru to her that any photo she sends is out there forever and can be seen by anyone. My kid is younger than yours but I work in LE and deal with teens and adults doing this regularly. I talk to my kid about it on a regular basis. I would tell her she can’t have that app on her phone anymore as she clearly can’t be trusted.

What’s the blackmail if you can’t be shamed? In a couple of years she can make bank doing this on OF.

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breath. The calmer you are, the more impactful you will be with her. What’s most important is that you help her figure out some replacement strategies for feeling better about herself. She’s going to feel crappy about herself again at some some point. The key is for her to turn to something else besides sending pictures or displaying herself in person to random guys for attention.

Acknowledge that it must feel awful to break up with someone. “I can imagine how you’re feeling like you’re not special enough. You might be feeling like there’s something wrong with you. It’s totally normal to feel that when you’ve broken up with someone, even if you wanted the breakup.”

And acknowledge that the posting/sending pics made sense in the moment: You wanted someone to notice you and tell you that you were attractive, that you were special. “I get it. It’s a quick rush. Totally makes sense.”

Let her know that it’s going to happen again. She’ll be in another situations where she’ll feel rejected. It may be because of a boyfriend or a friend or not making a team or getting into a school or getting a job. These are situations she’s going to have to work through. It’s a normal part of life for everyone.

Since she’s going to have to deal with these situations. But the response can’t be to send out pictures of yourself. Or to seek attention from guys. There are implications to that that are long-lasting and potentially harmful.

Ask her what might be some other ways to make herself feel better when she’s feeling rejected/crappy about herself? Ask her to list some ways. She may or may not have some ideas. Then ask, “can I share some ideas that I’ve seen work for others (the less it’s about you, the better)?” Then offer some ideas—call a trusted friend or family member, write a letter that you don’t send, go for a walk/run, etc.

I totally get this knee-jerk reaction to want to protect her and to be angry. All of that is justified. And your goal has to be to stay calm to help her figure out a different way to deal with this when she’s confronted with these feelings again. She has to be knowledgeable of different strategies and empowered to use them.

Hang in there. It’s hard. But you got this.

-a mom of a 21 ds & 17 dd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a deep breath. The calmer you are, the more impactful you will be with her. What’s most important is that you help her figure out some replacement strategies for feeling better about herself. She’s going to feel crappy about herself again at some some point. The key is for her to turn to something else besides sending pictures or displaying herself in person to random guys for attention.

Acknowledge that it must feel awful to break up with someone. “I can imagine how you’re feeling like you’re not special enough. You might be feeling like there’s something wrong with you. It’s totally normal to feel that when you’ve broken up with someone, even if you wanted the breakup.”

And acknowledge that the posting/sending pics made sense in the moment: You wanted someone to notice you and tell you that you were attractive, that you were special. “I get it. It’s a quick rush. Totally makes sense.”

Let her know that it’s going to happen again. She’ll be in another situations where she’ll feel rejected. It may be because of a boyfriend or a friend or not making a team or getting into a school or getting a job. These are situations she’s going to have to work through. It’s a normal part of life for everyone.

Since she’s going to have to deal with these situations. But the response can’t be to send out pictures of yourself. Or to seek attention from guys. There are implications to that that are long-lasting and potentially harmful.

Ask her what might be some other ways to make herself feel better when she’s feeling rejected/crappy about herself? Ask her to list some ways. She may or may not have some ideas. Then ask, “can I share some ideas that I’ve seen work for others (the less it’s about you, the better)?” Then offer some ideas—call a trusted friend or family member, write a letter that you don’t send, go for a walk/run, etc.

I totally get this knee-jerk reaction to want to protect her and to be angry. All of that is justified. And your goal has to be to stay calm to help her figure out a different way to deal with this when she’s confronted with these feelings again. She has to be knowledgeable of different strategies and empowered to use them.

Hang in there. It’s hard. But you got this.

-a mom of a 21 ds & 17 dd

This is great. Don’t forget to suggest service to others. It doesn’t have to be volunteering. It can be just helping a friend, a neighbor, doing some extra cleaning or work at a hobby she does. If you have that feeling where you need validation, service to others is a good way to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blackmail is real. You new to get thru to her that any photo she sends is out there forever and can be seen by anyone. My kid is younger than yours but I work in LE and deal with teens and adults doing this regularly. I talk to my kid about it on a regular basis. I would tell her she can’t have that app on her phone anymore as she clearly can’t be trusted.

What’s the blackmail if you can’t be shamed? In a couple of years she can make bank doing this on OF.

This is a great example. Stolen nudes didn’t make this poster like this. This poster was already like this. They will be after. This poster’s problems are their own. Your daughter is not responsible for them just because she took some risqué photos. The red cape didn’t make the bull who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blackmail is real. You new to get thru to her that any photo she sends is out there forever and can be seen by anyone. My kid is younger than yours but I work in LE and deal with teens and adults doing this regularly. I talk to my kid about it on a regular basis. I would tell her she can’t have that app on her phone anymore as she clearly can’t be trusted.

What’s the blackmail if you can’t be shamed? In a couple of years she can make bank doing this on OF.

Because obviously jobs, colleges, future personal contacts will have their own opinions and that affects her life, moron

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blackmail is real. You new to get thru to her that any photo she sends is out there forever and can be seen by anyone. My kid is younger than yours but I work in LE and deal with teens and adults doing this regularly. I talk to my kid about it on a regular basis. I would tell her she can’t have that app on her phone anymore as she clearly can’t be trusted.

What’s the blackmail if you can’t be shamed? In a couple of years she can make bank doing this on OF.

Because obviously jobs, colleges, future personal contacts will have their own opinions and that affects her life, moron

Colleges don’t make decisions on the basis of stolen photos. If the photo is stolen, or shared against your will, it’s a very different category than something you post publicly yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blackmail is real. You new to get thru to her that any photo she sends is out there forever and can be seen by anyone. My kid is younger than yours but I work in LE and deal with teens and adults doing this regularly. I talk to my kid about it on a regular basis. I would tell her she can’t have that app on her phone anymore as she clearly can’t be trusted.

What’s the blackmail if you can’t be shamed? In a couple of years she can make bank doing this on OF.

Pics that are merely “revealing” aren’t going to make bank on OF. To make money, you’ve got to be willing to do more than be nude. OP’s dd did something she shouldn’t have in a moment of insecurity when she wanted an ago boost. There’s no reason to think she’s pursuing a career.

[Anonymous]

What exactly does a revealing picture mean? Cleavage or naked?

[Anonymous]

Sharing a racy photo with someone who consents to receive it but is untrustworthy is a lapse in judgment.

Taking a private photo of someone else that was shared with you and publishing it or showing it to other people, without the subject’s consent, is unethical to start with an potentially criminal depending on the circumstances.

People don’t know the difference because people are terrible, but this is the bottom line.

Sharing racy photos of yourself privately, even if you are young and stupid and share them with someone who then uses them poorly, is not at all in the same category as the woman herself posting them publicly or selling them on only fans. Those are completely different scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Pay attention, folks. OP has. no right to be surprised if she gave her child a smartphone and also if she allowed snapchat in the first place. It's dumb AF to think this won't happen.