Reply to 16 yo dd sent multiple revealing pics to unknown contacts on snap

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[quote=Anonymous]Take a deep breath. The calmer you are, the more impactful you will be with her. What’s most important is that you help her figure out some replacement strategies for feeling better about herself. She’s going to feel crappy about herself again at some some point. The key is for her to turn to something else besides sending pictures or displaying herself in person to random guys for attention.

Acknowledge that it must feel awful to break up with someone. “I can imagine how you’re feeling like you’re not special enough. You might be feeling like there’s something wrong with you. It’s totally normal to feel that when you’ve broken up with someone, even if you wanted the breakup.”

And acknowledge that the posting/sending pics made sense in the moment: You wanted someone to notice you and tell you that you were attractive, that you were special. “I get it. It’s a quick rush. Totally makes sense.”

Let her know that it’s going to happen again. She’ll be in another situations where she’ll feel rejected. It may be because of a boyfriend or a friend or not making a team or getting into a school or getting a job. These are situations she’s going to have to work through. It’s a normal part of life for everyone.

Since she’s going to have to deal with these situations. But the response can’t be to send out pictures of yourself. Or to seek attention from guys. There are implications to that that are long-lasting and potentially harmful.

Ask her what might be some other ways to make herself feel better when she’s feeling rejected/crappy about herself? Ask her to list some ways. She may or may not have some ideas. Then ask, “can I share some ideas that I’ve seen work for others (the less it’s about you, the better)?” Then offer some ideas—call a trusted friend or family member, write a letter that you don’t send, go for a walk/run, etc.

I totally get this knee-jerk reaction to want to protect her and to be angry. All of that is justified. And your goal has to be to stay calm to help her figure out a different way to deal with this when she’s confronted with these feelings again. She has to be knowledgeable of different strategies and empowered to use them.

Hang in there. It’s hard. But you got this.

-a mom of a 21 ds & 17 dd

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