I don’t like my daughter. I know this won’t ever change-

[Anonymous]

Grant it she’s in her terrible teens (16) but she was a difficult toddler, child, adolescent, now teen. I can’t see her ever changing. Yes, it’s terrible but it’s the truth, I don’t like her- love her but I don’t like her personality essence. I tell her I love her, she’s beautiful, etc. but I’m counting down the time when she leaves, my fear is she won’t. She’s so insecure, confrontational, negative- please someone tell me it gets better and when. I just shut down around or walk away from her now, I can’t take it.

[Anonymous]

Are you all in counseling/ therapy? Is she like this with others or just you?

[Anonymous]

Please go to therapy, for both of your sakes. I could tell my mother didn't like me and it took me decades to get over it.

[Anonymous]

And it’s odd you leap to telling her she’s beautiful should be enough. Is she in activities? Have friends?

[Anonymous]

What have you done to deal with these feelings and to support her struggles? Individual counseling? Family therapy?

[Anonymous]

She's not giving you a hard time, she's having a hard time. What have you done to support her all these years that she has been struggling?

[Anonymous]

Well unfortunately you could be right

I wonder who the PP think adults were with borderline personality disorder. Guess what? They were kids with issues. As a society we need to get better about accepting that kids can and do have real mental health issues and they don’t outgrown them and they aren’t fixable just manageable

[Anonymous]

Are you with her father? Does he feel the same as you?

[Anonymous]

Meds can help a lot.

[Anonymous]

First, let me say that I’m really sorry for the situation. It can’t feel good to feel like you dislike your daughter. But I do think you may be being a little dramatic. Tell us a little more about her. Does she have friends, does she do well in school, does she have any activities? What do her teachers and other adults think about her? What kind of feedback have you heard through the grapevine? Has she ever been a valuated? Is she happy? Does she sleep, eat, and get some exercise?

[Anonymous]

My mother had your same attitude towards me. She told me one time when she was a little girl she was playing under a table in a restaurant and her mother told her sister she “hated being a mother.” Did you have a good relationship with your mother? Please explore this in therapy.

[Anonymous]

There is no rule that says you have to like or live your children. Sure, it makes life easier but each of you are individual people. When she becomes an adult, she may be a person you don’t want to interact with. You may also be a person she doesn’t want to interact with.

You will always be her mother. You need to provide her a stable home life and set her on the path to become a productive member of society. It’s really okay not to like her but there’s no need to let her know that. Your relationship may just gradually drift apart once she leaves home. It’s sad but I don’t think it’s u heard of.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was very difficult, stubborn, argumentative, annoying, made dumb decisions, and caused me a lot of anxiety when she was a teen and into her early twenties.

Now she's in her 40s and she and I have been very close for about twenty years now. She still occasionally annoys me and is hard to understand but I would count her among my best friends as well.

[Anonymous]

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. I agree with others that you may need some therapy.

I don't particularly like my own mother. I did not allow her to be alone with my child when he was little. I think she is a classic narcissist. However, I see her at least once a week & have a relationship with her (my sibling does not). As you transition to a parent/adult-child relationship, things can be salvaged as they change.

[Anonymous]

Mom? Is that you? Where should I sent the invoice for a lifetime of therapy for daring to be a child and you not being equipped to be a parent?