New coworker is struggling to fit in

[Anonymous]

Let me preface this with: she’s the problem and doesn’t realize she’s the problem.

She came from being a president of a trade organization and relocated her family to be closer to some friends. She’s now the lowest person on the team while being the person who understands the business the least. She’s very pretentious about her last role, how much she knows about that, and doing things that…aren’t in her job. Our boss has had several conversations with her but she refuses to change and thinks well all conform to her. I can’t stand her, I try to limit my interactions while keeping them friendly and cordial (not because she deserves it but bc that’s who I am). How do y’all handle this? I’m hoping she realizes this isn’t a fit and quits or finds something else, but in the mean time she’s more destructive to team morale than anything….

[Anonymous]

How many are there on your team?

[Anonymous]

Don’t invite her to the weekly pot luck lunches.

[Anonymous]

You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

[Anonymous]

Fire her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

This, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

-1

She refuses to change. That’s “mean” to the people she works with. OP, just sit tight.

[Anonymous]

How long has it been? Give her time…in 6 months to a year, she will probably calm down & fit in better. Her issues are borne out of insecurity & trying to prove she has value…if you have a healthy dynamic on the team, once she isn’t so worried about proving herself, she will probably become a much better teammate.
And as a new team member, she does deserve interactions that are “friendly & cordial.” She is learning…even if you don’t personally care for her, your boss chose her for this role, & your boss probably expects you to provide a minimum amount of help and support as a senior team member.
Now, if it’s been 5 years, that is a different story…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

This, sadly.

+2

OP, you sound like a jerk. Why not offer to help her learn? Management is not doing their part by clarifying expectations and mentoring.

Sounds like she’d be better off leaving than trying to ingratiate herself to your work clique.

[Anonymous]

How new is she? She could be bringing up her past role in an effort to show how much she knows, which is a common thing for new people to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

Agreed, invite her to coffee op. Try to connect with her on a human level.

[Anonymous]

If you’re not her boss just keep your head down or quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

This, sadly.

+2

OP, you sound like a jerk. Why not offer to help her learn? Management is not doing their part by clarifying expectations and mentoring.

Sounds like she’d be better off leaving than trying to ingratiate herself to your work clique.

Ahh look two people who found time to blame OP, how on brand for DCUM. You didn’t read the post because OP said management has had several sit downs. Learn to read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t invite her to the weekly pot luck lunches.

Oh, Mark!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like you lack empathy and are a bit mean. Moving and changing jobs are two of the biggest stresses in life. Cut her some slack and stop being so mean. Give her time and space to adjust and she will change. If everyone at your workplace is like you, it's probably toxic anyway and eventually she will leave.

This, sadly.

Agree.