Anxiety about relating to (recently) rich sister

[Anonymous]

Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

[Anonymous]

It's hard to step back from sibling rivalry, but you need to do that. You and your husband are doing very well OP. If you are happy, that's all that counts. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy.

[Anonymous]

Money is different than blessings.

[Anonymous]

What on earth? You make over $300K so there should be no concerns with money.

[Anonymous]

You posed this same question already.

Troll.

👿 😈


Troll.

[Anonymous]

She won’t be a multi millionaire. She will be married to one. That money will be in trust and I guarantee that in the event of death or divorce she will not get any. I am sure the parents have drafted it such that at his death, it goes to their kids. Not your sister.

And, the parents could change their mind.

Right now you guys both have the same household income that places you in the top five percent in the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

[Anonymous]

You and your sister are the same pole you always were. I have 4 siblings and we get along super well. Our incomes range from teacher police officer couple making a combined $140K to one who does numerous business and investments making something like $5M annually.

We often congregate at the houses of the wealthiest, but not always and he often just pays for anything at his houses, but otherwise we just divide it and are conscientious of the financial constraints of the least wealthy.

But truthfully we’re the same people we always were. When we fight, it’s not about money.

[Anonymous]

You need to grow up and become more mature. You should be genuinely happy for your sister. This is wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

Part of being “regular” person is managing the existential anxiety that comes with having to earn wages and know you are an unlucky event from losing your job while coexisting besides people who by lucky evens were born into bloodlines that provide for them no matter if they work hard or not.

Managing that anxiety is not something to dismiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

Part of being “regular” person is managing the existential anxiety that comes with having to earn wages and know you are an unlucky event from losing your job while coexisting besides people who by lucky evens were born into bloodlines that provide for them no matter if they work hard or not.

Managing that anxiety is not something to dismiss.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

Part of being “regular” person is managing the existential anxiety that comes with having to earn wages and know you are an unlucky event from losing your job while coexisting besides people who by lucky evens were born into bloodlines that provide for them no matter if they work hard or not.

Managing that anxiety is not something to dismiss.

+100

Agree. I think its one thing to know trust funds exist and suspect a friend or two of having a trust fund. It is quite another to be smacked right in the face with it, so to speak, when it is a sibling. You know much more about the trust fund. You know much more about how it improves their life. Its a closer relationship you don't want to step away from if you're having a jealous moment. You are much more similar to a sibling than a friend so the unfairness is that much more apparent. It is unfair. Life isn't fair, but knowing that doesn't always help a whole lot.

OP, try not to think about it. I don't know what else you can do. You have a really solid income and plenty of choices in life. Congratulations on working your way out of a really tough background.

[Anonymous]

I am different. I would rather that my sibling becomes a lottery winner than not. Why? Because in my culture family helps each other. I would at least get some nice vacations if my sibling became a lotto winner. So, only blessings.

[Anonymous]

Become what Gayle is to Oprah Winfrey. Enjoy the perks of having richer friends or family. You should pay for the ice cream though.

[Anonymous]

A rising tide raises all ships. You should be happy for your sister and for your kids bc it sounds like I’m the event of something devastating, there will be a close family member who could help them out.

I also find it incredibly tacky that your sister knows the amount and has told you. We were raised not to talk about money bc it brings out the worst in people like you. We are set to inherit what I assume will be a similar amount from one side and significantly more from the other. We would never tell anyone that and ever do anything in our life based on that. Things change, nothing is set in stone.