Anxiety about relating to (recently) rich sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

Part of being “regular” person is managing the existential anxiety that comes with having to earn wages and know you are an unlucky event from losing your job while coexisting besides people who by lucky evens were born into bloodlines that provide for them no matter if they work hard or not.

Managing that anxiety is not something to dismiss.

+100

Agree. I think its one thing to know trust funds exist and suspect a friend or two of having a trust fund. It is quite another to be smacked right in the face with it, so to speak, when it is a sibling. You know much more about the trust fund. You know much more about how it improves their life. Its a closer relationship you don't want to step away from if you're having a jealous moment. You are much more similar to a sibling than a friend so the unfairness is that much more apparent. It is unfair. Life isn't fair, but knowing that doesn't always help a whole lot.

OP, try not to think about it. I don't know what else you can do. You have a really solid income and plenty of choices in life. Congratulations on working your way out of a really tough background.

My sister also married a trust fund baby, OP. No idea how much he stands to inherit but he gets about $100K/year right now. We make considerably more than them ($600K HHI and on track for our income to rise to about $900K+ by the time I'm 40) but have a similar lifestyle (we both have FT nannies and drive Honda Pilot/Subaru Ascent type cars... we live in a more expensive home although his parents may give them their old house) and sometimes it does get to me because while we kill ourselves in the NYC rat race they both have very stress free, easy breezy jobs (her husband is a fed and she is a therapist PT) and get income seemingly like mana from the heavens...And my parents always tell me "Larla and Bob aren't like you and DH...They don't make a lot." It's like my parents have a mental block that he has a trust fund that pays him out $100K a year and stands to inherit millions whereas if I lost my job or went to PT our lifestyle would change dramatically and there wouldn't be a backstop. What I am not jealous of is that my sister's husband basically controls all of their spending. She had really bad PPD/PPA a few years ago and he refused to get a cleaning person to help with household tasks because she was home with the baby on unpaid maternity leave. She literally couldn't shower or put the baby in the car to drive to the grocery store and he expected her to take care of a newborn as a first time mom with raging PPD/PAA and clean. He also forbid her from using Apple Music because the 9.99 subscription was too expensive. I mean, it's not a walk in the park. You know your kids will be taken care of no matter what which is huge but many people who grow up with wealth and feel rightfully entitled to their money feel empowered to spend it as they want to which can mean not all or only on things that they deem essential.

Forgot to add that my advice OP is to create the best life that you can for yourself. If money is really important to you and feel a sense of sibling rivalry then go out there and crush it in your career. Maybe your sister will be a lot wealthier at the end of the day or maybe she won't but what you can control is your career trajectory and what you do to save and build wealth for yourself and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

Part of being “regular” person is managing the existential anxiety that comes with having to earn wages and know you are an unlucky event from losing your job while coexisting besides people who by lucky evens were born into bloodlines that provide for them no matter if they work hard or not.

Managing that anxiety is not something to dismiss.

+100

Agree. I think its one thing to know trust funds exist and suspect a friend or two of having a trust fund. It is quite another to be smacked right in the face with it, so to speak, when it is a sibling. You know much more about the trust fund. You know much more about how it improves their life. Its a closer relationship you don't want to step away from if you're having a jealous moment. You are much more similar to a sibling than a friend so the unfairness is that much more apparent. It is unfair. Life isn't fair, but knowing that doesn't always help a whole lot.

OP, try not to think about it. I don't know what else you can do. You have a really solid income and plenty of choices in life. Congratulations on working your way out of a really tough background.

My sister also married a trust fund baby, OP. No idea how much he stands to inherit but he gets about $100K/year right now. We make considerably more than them ($600K HHI and on track for our income to rise to about $900K+ by the time I'm 40) but have a similar lifestyle (we both have FT nannies and drive Honda Pilot/Subaru Ascent type cars... we live in a more expensive home although his parents may give them their old house) and sometimes it does get to me because while we kill ourselves in the NYC rat race they both have very stress free, easy breezy jobs (her husband is a fed and she is a therapist PT) and get income seemingly like mana from the heavens...And my parents always tell me "Larla and Bob aren't like you and DH...They don't make a lot." It's like my parents have a mental block that he has a trust fund that pays him out $100K a year and stands to inherit millions whereas if I lost my job or went to PT our lifestyle would change dramatically and there wouldn't be a backstop. What I am not jealous of is that my sister's husband basically controls all of their spending. She had really bad PPD/PPA a few years ago and he refused to get a cleaning person to help with household tasks because she was home with the baby on unpaid maternity leave. She literally couldn't shower or put the baby in the car to drive to the grocery store and he expected her to take care of a newborn as a first time mom with raging PPD/PAA and clean. He also forbid her from using Apple Music because the 9.99 subscription was too expensive. I mean, it's not a walk in the park. You know your kids will be taken care of no matter what which is huge but many people who grow up with wealth and feel rightfully entitled to their money feel empowered to spend it as they want to which can mean not all or only on things that they deem essential.

This is very accurate IME. Does his family trust own the house?

Marrying money is a full-time job. Comes with a prenup and certain behavioral expectations.

[Anonymous]

I opened this thread expecting to read that the sister suddenly came upon $100M+, not $20M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family was pretty LMC when we were growing up and one of the common theme in our life that bonded us was struggling to make a good life for ourselves. I do pretty ok for myself with a 110k salary and with a DH who makes 200k-150k. My sister however married a trust fund kid who is set to inherit about 20 mil or after his parents pass. They do pretty well for a couple in their early thirties (300k-350k hhi) but the thought that she will be a multimillionaire in our lifetime is…staggering to me. Like I can’t process it because it changes how I view her?

I find myself feeling insecure and embarrassed around her and my BIL. It’s like no matter how many raises I get… I’ll never catch up to her blessings. And suddenly all of the things that keep me up at night ( saving for retirement, college for kids, downpayment for a house) are just…none issues for her. And she’s changed too, more relaxed and content. She has that relaxed easy going rich girl vibe now. It’s insane how money changes you.

Yeah…it’s a lot of mixed feelings..

Well, that is his money for one thing. Not hers. It is in a trust so it stays in the bloodline. But yeah her kids will be taken care of and that is a very good feeling.

FWIW I have a trust with assets worth that much and I am just a regular person but yes, much less anxiety. I don't make near as much as you guys though.

Part of being “regular” person is managing the existential anxiety that comes with having to earn wages and know you are an unlucky event from losing your job while coexisting besides people who by lucky evens were born into bloodlines that provide for them no matter if they work hard or not.

Managing that anxiety is not something to dismiss.

+100

Agree. I think its one thing to know trust funds exist and suspect a friend or two of having a trust fund. It is quite another to be smacked right in the face with it, so to speak, when it is a sibling. You know much more about the trust fund. You know much more about how it improves their life. Its a closer relationship you don't want to step away from if you're having a jealous moment. You are much more similar to a sibling than a friend so the unfairness is that much more apparent. It is unfair. Life isn't fair, but knowing that doesn't always help a whole lot.

OP, try not to think about it. I don't know what else you can do. You have a really solid income and plenty of choices in life. Congratulations on working your way out of a really tough background.

well said.