High School Boys Struggling at our Big 3

[Anonymous]

At our big 3, 9th graders have a seminar class where topical issues are discussed.

According to my kid, every session degrades into why men/toxic masculinity is the core #1 thing wrong with the world. Teachers do nothing to stop this. The conversation degrades to 20 minutes of such informed debate as "men should be banned from running companies, cities, holding public office"

We chose this school. It's known for its stances. But if one was to try to devise the most effective way to turn off boys n a classroom from learning and cause backlash, this would be it. Our school is known for protecting students with "safe speech" around topics like the holocaust, racism etc but yet that does not apply here for some reason. I also dont like safety-ism so I dont want to lean on that argument if I go to the scvhool

What advice do you all have for a parent worried about this dynamic and in particular the wholesale accusations against men and boys as harming boys in the classroom? Go to the teacher or up to admin?

This is a serious post and I beg that the mods not remove this thread

[Anonymous]

Avoid future headaches and switch to a different school. The school is not going to change.

[Anonymous]

What does your son think about it?

My son is at a very liberal and progressive school, and I can imagine similar conversations. But he agrees toxic masculinity is a problem, and he rejects it. He wants to be a different kind of man. So dissing toxic masculinity doesn’t hurt him - he rejects it too!

Hopefully he feels able in these conversations to say “hey, excluding men doesn’t feel like the right solution to toxic masculinity in the workplace. What if more men were xyz?” Or whatever he believes would help the world be a better place.

I think often when people who are part of demographic groups that have historically oppressed others hear criticism of oppression they feel targeted, but that’s kind of warped. I’m white, but I can reject white supremacy and identify with people dismantling it. Your son doesn’t have to identify with toxic masculinity - why would he want to?

[Anonymous]

the problem here is what constitutes as "toxic masculinity". I think that's your big question. if the mob agrees that it is solely based on the fact that you are a male, then you have problems. Why would you pay for a school to indoctrinate your sons that they are "less than" or inherently no good, just because they are men? isn't the reason you send them to these elite schools is that you want them to have an advantage of some sort in regards to their futures? Should your son turn down a leadership opportunity because he's a man? And we wonder why women are outpacing men in terms of college graduation and obtainment of higher degrees, particularly in medicine

[Anonymous]

Believe it OP.

We’re from out of state during Covid and have a good dialog with our teens, this tone and school content really stuck out to them too. And us. Check out the handouts and authors of the sheets to better understand who’s generating this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our big 3, 9th graders have a seminar class where topical issues are discussed.

According to my kid, every session degrades into why men/toxic masculinity is the core #1 thing wrong with the world. Teachers do nothing to stop this. The conversation degrades to 20 minutes of such informed debate as "men should be banned from running companies, cities, holding public office"

We chose this school. It's known for its stances. But if one was to try to devise the most effective way to turn off boys n a classroom from learning and cause backlash, this would be it. Our school is known for protecting students with "safe speech" around topics like the holocaust, racism etc but yet that does not apply here for some reason. I also dont like safety-ism so I dont want to lean on that argument if I go to the scvhool

What advice do you all have for a parent worried about this dynamic and in particular the wholesale accusations against men and boys as harming boys in the classroom? Go to the teacher or up to admin?

This is a serious post and I beg that the mods not remove this thread

This is the school that holds this class for 9 weeks of 9th grade and 9 weeks of 10th grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our big 3, 9th graders have a seminar class where topical issues are discussed.

According to my kid, every session degrades into why men/toxic masculinity is the core #1 thing wrong with the world. Teachers do nothing to stop this. The conversation degrades to 20 minutes of such informed debate as "men should be banned from running companies, cities, holding public office"

We chose this school. It's known for its stances. But if one was to try to devise the most effective way to turn off boys n a classroom from learning and cause backlash, this would be it. Our school is known for protecting students with "safe speech" around topics like the holocaust, racism etc but yet that does not apply here for some reason. I also dont like safety-ism so I dont want to lean on that argument if I go to the scvhool

What advice do you all have for a parent worried about this dynamic and in particular the wholesale accusations against men and boys as harming boys in the classroom? Go to the teacher or up to admin?

This is a serious post and I beg that the mods not remove this thread

This is the school that holds this class for 9 weeks of 9th grade and 9 weeks of 10th grade?

OP here - no just 9th grade - all year (I think)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe it OP.

We’re from out of state during Covid and have a good dialog with our teens, this tone and school content really stuck out to them too. And us. Check out the handouts and authors of the sheets to better understand who’s generating this.

very good idea. Feels like I need to dig in. I also appreciate other inputs on this thread from other respondents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your son think about it?

My son is at a very liberal and progressive school, and I can imagine similar conversations. But he agrees toxic masculinity is a problem, and he rejects it. He wants to be a different kind of man. So dissing toxic masculinity doesn’t hurt him - he rejects it too!

Hopefully he feels able in these conversations to say “hey, excluding men doesn’t feel like the right solution to toxic masculinity in the workplace. What if more men were xyz?” Or whatever he believes would help the world be a better place.

I think often when people who are part of demographic groups that have historically oppressed others hear criticism of oppression they feel targeted, but that’s kind of warped. I’m white, but I can reject white supremacy and identify with people dismantling it. Your son doesn’t have to identify with toxic masculinity - why would he want to?

That’s all fine for ones inner monologue, but has nothing to do with others biased rant sessions. You want an ideological emotional personal argument once a day in class with someone spewing out one-sides platitudes? After a couple of days of pleas such as the above most of the class shuts up and lets the loud ranters take over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your son think about it?

My son is at a very liberal and progressive school, and I can imagine similar conversations. But he agrees toxic masculinity is a problem, and he rejects it. He wants to be a different kind of man. So dissing toxic masculinity doesn’t hurt him - he rejects it too!

Hopefully he feels able in these conversations to say “hey, excluding men doesn’t feel like the right solution to toxic masculinity in the workplace. What if more men were xyz?” Or whatever he believes would help the world be a better place.

I think often when people who are part of demographic groups that have historically oppressed others hear criticism of oppression they feel targeted, but that’s kind of warped. I’m white, but I can reject white supremacy and identify with people dismantling it. Your son doesn’t have to identify with toxic masculinity - why would he want to?

That’s all fine for ones inner monologue, but has nothing to do with others biased rant sessions. You want an ideological emotional personal argument once a day in class with someone spewing out one-sides platitudes? After a couple of days of pleas such as the above most of the class shuts up and lets the loud ranters take over.

Are you also attending this class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your son think about it?

My son is at a very liberal and progressive school, and I can imagine similar conversations. But he agrees toxic masculinity is a problem, and he rejects it. He wants to be a different kind of man. So dissing toxic masculinity doesn’t hurt him - he rejects it too!

Hopefully he feels able in these conversations to say “hey, excluding men doesn’t feel like the right solution to toxic masculinity in the workplace. What if more men were xyz?” Or whatever he believes would help the world be a better place.

I think often when people who are part of demographic groups that have historically oppressed others hear criticism of oppression they feel targeted, but that’s kind of warped. I’m white, but I can reject white supremacy and identify with people dismantling it. Your son doesn’t have to identify with toxic masculinity - why would he want to?

Thank you for this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Believe it OP.

We’re from out of state during Covid and have a good dialog with our teens, this tone and school content really stuck out to them too. And us. Check out the handouts and authors of the sheets to better understand who’s generating this.

very good idea. Feels like I need to dig in. I also appreciate other inputs on this thread from other respondents.

I would just register these concerns with the HoS, he’s heard them all before and maybe once the quantity gets frequent and high enough he and the board will do something.
But tell your son to be proud of who he is and that college and the real world will be better than this bubble. And to just ignore most of it, it’s a product of the a small minority of the times that’s been allowed in to k-12 schooling after doing the same at many colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your son think about it?

My son is at a very liberal and progressive school, and I can imagine similar conversations. But he agrees toxic masculinity is a problem, and he rejects it. He wants to be a different kind of man. So dissing toxic masculinity doesn’t hurt him - he rejects it too!

Hopefully he feels able in these conversations to say “hey, excluding men doesn’t feel like the right solution to toxic masculinity in the workplace. What if more men were xyz?” Or whatever he believes would help the world be a better place.

I think often when people who are part of demographic groups that have historically oppressed others hear criticism of oppression they feel targeted, but that’s kind of warped. I’m white, but I can reject white supremacy and identify with people dismantling it. Your son doesn’t have to identify with toxic masculinity - why would he want to?

That’s all fine for ones inner monologue, but has nothing to do with others biased rant sessions. You want an ideological emotional personal argument once a day in class with someone spewing out one-sides platitudes? After a couple of days of pleas such as the above most of the class shuts up and lets the loud ranters take over.

Are you also attending this class?

Read the school paper for years. Not a new concern.

We’re not there for the activism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our big 3, 9th graders have a seminar class where topical issues are discussed.

According to my kid, every session degrades into why men/toxic masculinity is the core #1 thing wrong with the world. Teachers do nothing to stop this. The conversation degrades to 20 minutes of such informed debate as "men should be banned from running companies, cities, holding public office"

We chose this school. It's known for its stances. But if one was to try to devise the most effective way to turn off boys n a classroom from learning and cause backlash, this would be it. Our school is known for protecting students with "safe speech" around topics like the holocaust, racism etc but yet that does not apply here for some reason. I also dont like safety-ism so I dont want to lean on that argument if I go to the scvhool

What advice do you all have for a parent worried about this dynamic and in particular the wholesale accusations against men and boys as harming boys in the classroom? Go to the teacher or up to admin?

This is a serious post and I beg that the mods not remove this thread

This is your interpretation of what your son is reporting. If you want to know more, request a meeting with the teacher with the goal of genuinely learning what's happening in the classroom. Ask questions and listen to the answers. If you're still not happy, I would talk to your son's advisor and after that the 9th grade dean. But first be sure of what's going on. Ninth graders are not always accurate reporters, and like people of all ages, they don't necessarily respond well to the questioning of their privilege.

In addition, the most effective thing you could perhaps do is role play these conversations with your son. Help him think through good responses that distinguish between maleness and toxic masculinity. Empower him to solve the problem on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Believe it OP.

We’re from out of state during Covid and have a good dialog with our teens, this tone and school content really stuck out to them too. And us. Check out the handouts and authors of the sheets to better understand who’s generating this.

very good idea. Feels like I need to dig in. I also appreciate other inputs on this thread from other respondents.

I would just register these concerns with the HoS, he’s heard them all before and maybe once the quantity gets frequent and high enough he and the board will do something.
But tell your son to be proud of who he is and that college and the real world will be better than this bubble. And to just ignore most of it, it’s a product of the a small minority of the times that’s been allowed in to k-12 schooling after doing the same at many colleges.

very good advice. Thank you. Glad I'm not alone in this experience.