Visiting family member doesn’t mask on trip here

[Anonymous]

So my spouse has been in the ICU for the past three weeks. My sister flew several hours yesterday to visit us for a few days and lend moral support, but when I picked her up at the airport she revealed that she hadn’t worn a mask the entire trip. I am pretty upset but want to make sure I’m not overreacting. Also, the rest of us have been super careful about masking because, you know, ICU. Thoughts about how to let this go? Thoughts about what you’d do going forward? Do we all have to mask now at home while she’s here? Does just she need to mask? For those of you who use masks, what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Nobody is masking. If you wanted her to, it was absolutely on you to tell her that.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset too, but please remember most people are idiots and don't take enough precautions, including wearing stupid cloth masks that don't do squat. Your sister is in the moron majority. Tell her why you're upset, and give her an antigen test. Also, wear proper KN95 or KF94 when visiting your husband in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

With a spouse in the ICU, I'd stick her in a hotel for a couple of days.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t worn a mask since March 2021 but I would have in this scenario. Did you ask her to, or just assume?

What’s done is done at this point, I think. I assume you’re masking in the ICU, so that will help a lot.

[Anonymous]

She’s an idiot, or at the very least inconsiderate! He’s in the ICU for goodness sakes!!

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you wouldn't have talked to her about it beforehand if it was that important to you and its the first thing you asked when you saw her. I find it hard to believe this even happened.

[Anonymous]

I would mask around her and have her wear a mask around your family. KN95s for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you wouldn't have talked to her about it beforehand if it was that important to you and its the first thing you asked when you saw her. I find it hard to believe this even happened.

Because it should be OBVIOUS and OP had other things to think about. If you're a stressed-out spouse that needs to coordinate care for a medical emergency and manage a household in crisis, maybe you assume the sister will mask on the plane without your needing to tell her! Let's see how well YOU do in an emergency...

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think you need to let it go. DH and I are just getting over covid which we very likely got while traveling back from winter break. DH has masked religiously for 3 years and this trip was no exception. I wore a mask on the flights, but not as diligently. And we both got it anyway. So this trip was a risk whether she was masked or not and you probably knew that.

[Anonymous]

Just test for a couple days.

[Anonymous]

Did you have a clear conversation ahead of time about whether she would mask? If not, I don't think you can be mad at her.

You all should be testing daily and wearing N95s when in ICU at all times, right? I would view that as more important than masking in other areas of my life, which is not any kind of guarantee of much of anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you wouldn't have talked to her about it beforehand if it was that important to you and its the first thing you asked when you saw her. I find it hard to believe this even happened.

Because it should be OBVIOUS and OP had other things to think about. If you're a stressed-out spouse that needs to coordinate care for a medical emergency and manage a household in crisis, maybe you assume the sister will mask on the plane without your needing to tell her! Let's see how well YOU do in an emergency...

I do just fine in emergencies. You haven't convinced me at all that this one thing was so big and important op forgot to mention. It should have been done up front as in "it's ok if you visit at this time with this ONE condition". That's it. OP knows her sister I find it strange this wasn't mentioned. You can see it differently.

[Anonymous]

You're stressed about your husband being in the ICU and your sister is an easy target for your anxiety and anger. It's understandable but not ideal. Of course she should mask when visiting the hospital; that's required, yes?

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone. I asked her to be sure to be extra careful on the trip because of covid, though I didn’t use the word “mask,” and she said, “I will!” I guess I should have specified. (Sister is 39, by the way.) The rest of us are masking religiously at the hospital, as is required, and when we we go anywhere in public. Social engagements have been curtailed to reduce exposure. I know there’s always risk and all, but I’m just really upset that my spouse almost died and my sister couldn’t bother to mask up. Oh, well. 11:12, you make a good point, and I do want to avoid making her a target unfairly. We’ll mask in the house for now.