Uninterested in motherhood?

[Anonymous]

Curious if anyone else has experienced this or understands what is going on with me.

I have two kids and love them dearly. I work a flexible job and spend a lot of time with them. I enjoy taking them to do things outdoors as well as visiting museums and other activities.

Besides spending time with my kids, I do not have any interest in motherhood. I am uninterested in making friends with other moms unless we’d be friends regardless of having kids. I do not care to have play dates and I am not really interested in things related to raising children. The PTA terrifies me.

I do not identify as a mom anymore than I identify as an employee or a wife. However I feel like an outlier and when I attend a child’s birthday party I get the sense I am rather unusual. I get the impression everything revolves around kids and my life isn’t like that. I enjoy traveling, spending time with just my husband, my job, girls weekends with my friends etc. I’m fortunate that we have plenty of money to still enjoy these things while having young kids.

Am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

Have you been screened for depression? Or anxiety? It sounds like there’s something else going on.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are. Is that what you want to hear? This kind of sounds like you're judging these other mothers. So what works for you, other people will do what works for them.

[Anonymous]

You have the balance we all strive for as you have a flexible job, money to burn and presumably a supportive husband and neurotypical children.

Bask in the awesomeness that is your life.

No need to crap on the rest of us with a huge humble brag.

[Anonymous]

You’re on dcum, so you’re at least a little interested…

[Anonymous]

I think you might be missing that people who are talking to one another at birthday parties are talking about the thing they have in common as their small talk. People don’t go to a birthday party and announce they have just as much fun spending time with their husbands. I try not to talk about my job because it can be seen as polarizing since some Mom’s don’t work outside the home and it can be seen as bragging and frankly it’s pretty dull for most people. Most of us are not on the PTA (although also not terrified of it). We are arranging playdates and such because our kids want to do them. I’

[Anonymous]

I could understand being uninterested in the PTA, but terrified? Odd choice of words. How old are your children? Do they want to attend play dates or have their friends over?

[Anonymous]

My first thought was "How nice. She must have easy, neurotypical children." I have no choice but to be very involved with my kids at the expense of travel, friendships, date nights, etc.

You are making sweeping generalizations about mothers and I think it's inaccurate, unfair, and offensive. There are many ways to be a mother.

[Anonymous]

I am like you, but I have an only because I was never interested in having a second kid. I have never thought that something is wrong with me, this is my personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first thought was "How nice. She must have easy, neurotypical children." I have no choice but to be very involved with my kids at the expense of travel, friendships, date nights, etc.

You are making sweeping generalizations about mothers and I think it's inaccurate, unfair, and offensive. There are many ways to be a mother.

I know OPs type. They make no effort to engage in conversation or get to know anyone. Hey guess what OP? The rest of I'd also have rich inner lives, maybe even interesting ones! I would examine the internalized misogyny that causes you to think any woman who is invested in motherhood is somehow less than.

[Anonymous]

You seem to have deep underlying anxiety and a difficulty making true emotional connections with people. At this stage in your life, you are around a lot of parents, but I suspect this has been true your whole life and you are just realizing this aspect of your personality now because having young kids means confronting elements of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious if anyone else has experienced this or understands what is going on with me.

I have two kids and love them dearly. I work a flexible job and spend a lot of time with them. I enjoy taking them to do things outdoors as well as visiting museums and other activities.

Besides spending time with my kids, I do not have any interest in motherhood. I am uninterested in making friends with other moms unless we’d be friends regardless of having kids. I do not care to have play dates and I am not really interested in things related to raising children. The PTA terrifies me.

I do not identify as a mom anymore than I identify as an employee or a wife. However I feel like an outlier and when I attend a child’s birthday party I get the sense I am rather unusual. I get the impression everything revolves around kids and my life isn’t like that. I enjoy traveling, spending time with just my husband, my job, girls weekends with my friends etc. I’m fortunate that we have plenty of money to still enjoy these things while having young kids.

Am I missing something?

You are in the young kid/elem. kid state. Teem kid state is different. Few parents want to meet you, and your goal is to keep the kids from screwing up their lives. They don’t want you around. And then hopefully they launch.

[Anonymous]

I relate to what you’re saying. I love my kids dearly and I actually am a SAHM but it’s rare that I spend my time talking about them. I have a lot of other interests that I’d rather talk about (books, movies, tv shows, pop culture, current events, travel plans, ski trips, even my dog makes up more of my conversation lol).

At the same time, I can tell you it’s obvious that people talk about their kids at parties because that’s what they have in common. It’s not that deep. How often do you try bringing up other topics of conversation? If you’re not doing that then you’re part of the problem you’re complaining about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have deep underlying anxiety and a difficulty making true emotional connections with people. At this stage in your life, you are around a lot of parents, but I suspect this has been true your whole life and you are just realizing this aspect of your personality now because having young kids means confronting elements of yourself.

Then how do I have a decent number of friends?

[Anonymous]

I'm so confused by your post. It seems that you are missing the fact that the definition of motherhood is your interactions with your own children. But you are interested in those, it seems? So, I don't know what you're asking about.

Are you asking if there are some women who love being moms and having kids and yet don't enjoy the PTA or playdates? Yes, of course there are women like that.