My sister is annoying. Can anything be done?

[Anonymous]

My sister recently lost some weight and she’s been increasingly making it her whole personality. It’s been going on for a while but worse since winter is here. Around Thanksgiving she made a fuss about being cold (everyone else was comfortable) and blamed it on being thinner. At Christmas, much of the same. She made us turn the heat up for her at one point, made a big deal about always being cold now, since losing weight. We got together this weekend and it was the worst. She almost canceled because she claimed she woke up cold, but eventually made it over where she complained and visibly shivered and kept dramatically covering herself with a coat the whole visit.

Enough is enough. We get it. I actually lost a substantial amount of weight years ago so I get it, you do tend to cool easier, but not that dramatically. I don’t think she has a legit medical issue, I think she likes the attention.

Is there a way to tolerate her without feeding into this need for attention?

[Anonymous]

Buy her comfy hats, big fuzzy slippers, comfy thick fleeces. Maybe if she has the right gear she'll shut up.

[Anonymous]

It’s a real thing. Not just because she’s thinner, specifically because she lost weight.

[Anonymous]

“I’ve given you a blanket, we’ve turned up the heat and you’ve mentioned you’re cold 6 times in the last hour. Do you need some attention?”

[Anonymous]

She may legitimately be colder. It happens when people lose weight, especially significant amounts of weight. It affects different people differently, so just because you weren't as cold after doesn't mean she isn't. If I otherwise enjoyed someone's company, I'd deal with it and try to help her be comfortable if I were able to.

That said, it's easier for her to add a layer than for everyone else to take layers off at some point. This is her new normal, she needs to adjust.

My sister keeps her house extremely cold in the summer. I get colder than the rest of my family and apparently all of her family. Her thermostat is set to low-mid 60s overnight in the summer. When I visit, I bring heavy sweaters and she pulls out extra blankets. We deal without it being dramatic, but sometimes I shiver or get goosebumps. Sometimes people are legit cold even if others aren't; it's not always attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

What’s to be done is changing your reaction to her comments. Your thoughts create your feelings, and your thoughts are within your control. Change your thoughts and reactions, and you’ll fix your annoyance.

[Anonymous]

I’ve dropped 40lbs. I am always cold and sitting hurts my butt. I wear layers in the house, socks and slippers. When it was really cold the week before Xmas, I wore thermals under my clothes and a hat while I was indoors. This is a me problem. Everyone doesn’t have to be uncomfortable because of me. I may look ridiculous but I’m not cold.

I like the idea of telling her how many times she’s mentioned it. Everyone in your family gets it. She’s thinner and she’s cold. Put a hat on and sock in your mouth.

[Anonymous]

So you tell her she needs to go to get examined ASAP because constant coldness/shivering can be something serious. It’s unusual to be that cold at home! I am a chronically cold person, and I have several auto immune disease. I would never expect anyone to crank up the heat or bail on a family event because I was cold! I am under 120 pounds, a thin person! This is beyond ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I've actually known two people who had the same problem. And you can tell they weren't just creating drama. One of them, her skin started getting cool and clammy from late fall to early spring. The other one, I remember she was visiting someone who had the temp set to 70F and after an hour or so, her lips started turning blue-tinted. She had to microwave cups of water and would keep them and let the steam warm up her face.

I recommend getting a small space heater and making it available to her. I have a small one that is probably about a 6" cube. I also have a 12x12 inch tile from our bathroom (extra after it was retiled) and I just put the tile down and the space heater on the tile. Then she can sit wherever the space heater can be set up and just sit in front of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you tell her she needs to go to get examined ASAP because constant coldness/shivering can be something serious. It’s unusual to be that cold at home! I am a chronically cold person, and I have several auto immune disease. I would never expect anyone to crank up the heat or bail on a family event because I was cold! I am under 120 pounds, a thin person! This is beyond ridiculous.

It's actually normal after losing weight. Losing weight is different from being thin all along.

[Anonymous]

I don't have experience with losing a ton of weight, but I'm slim and I have an auto-immune disease - I can get really cold. Right now I'm typing this in a battery-heated vest my husband gave me for Christmas! My mother is skin and bones, with a different auto-immune disease, and she's perpetually cold.

Perhaps she feels this way because of her recent weight loss, or perhaps she's developed and auto-immune disease. She should get checked out.

And yes, it does feel like you're jealous and think she'd just doing this for show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you tell her she needs to go to get examined ASAP because constant coldness/shivering can be something serious. It’s unusual to be that cold at home! I am a chronically cold person, and I have several auto immune disease. I would never expect anyone to crank up the heat or bail on a family event because I was cold! I am under 120 pounds, a thin person! This is beyond ridiculous.

It's actually normal after losing weight. Losing weight is different from being thin all along.

I've been thin all along and I am also always cold. Though I just wear layers, I don't expect people to change the thermostat to accommodate me -- my DH runs hot and we put the thermostat closer to what is comfortable for him because it's way easier for me to bundle up than for him to cool off if it's too hot. It's weird to me that someone who used to be heavier is being demanding about this because she actually has experience with being a different weight and maybe feeling hot more easily.

I do think she's probably doing it to bring attention to her weight loss. I think it's probably understandable (she's likely proud, it's hard to lose weight) but also limits and I think at some point OP and her family should just say "No, I'm sorry you are cold and we're happy to make sure you have a blanket and can borrow a warm sweater, but the rest of us can't sit her sweating all night just to accommodate one person."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you tell her she needs to go to get examined ASAP because constant coldness/shivering can be something serious. It’s unusual to be that cold at home! I am a chronically cold person, and I have several auto immune disease. I would never expect anyone to crank up the heat or bail on a family event because I was cold! I am under 120 pounds, a thin person! This is beyond ridiculous.

It's actually normal after losing weight. Losing weight is different from being thin all along.

I've been thin all along and I am also always cold. Though I just wear layers, I don't expect people to change the thermostat to accommodate me -- my DH runs hot and we put the thermostat closer to what is comfortable for him because it's way easier for me to bundle up than for him to cool off if it's too hot. It's weird to me that someone who used to be heavier is being demanding about this because she actually has experience with being a different weight and maybe feeling hot more easily.

I do think she's probably doing it to bring attention to her weight loss. I think it's probably understandable (she's likely proud, it's hard to lose weight) but also limits and I think at some point OP and her family should just say "No, I'm sorry you are cold and we're happy to make sure you have a blanket and can borrow a warm sweater, but the rest of us can't sit her sweating all night just to accommodate one person."

It’s also new to her. You’re used to being cold, she’s still adjusting. She can set the temp to something comfortable in her own home, and it sounds like she’s still figuring out what will work for her when she’s in other people’s homes.

Of course they can set limits if she’s asking for too much heat, but if it’s a minor adjustment or if it’s not uncomfortable, I’d want my guests to be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

“It’s your sister’s job to be annoying!” Said all the time to my daughters, and know because I am myself a sister.