Why is MIL so dismissive of things relating to me?

[Anonymous]

She never remembers, or deliberately “forgets”, key pieces of information related to me. Two things happened over the holiday that made this lightbulb go off in my head.

First off, let me preface by saying MIL will remember obscure things about random people, her friend’s children, etc. I’ve been with DH for over two decades.

At the holidays, I love a specific drink and always provide it if we are hosting, or bring it to share if others are hosting. It’s a signature thing. Every year my MIL acts like it’s the first time she’s tried it and it’s a novelty. It got me to thinking about how my grandfather used to make a separate bowl of a special side dish he served every just for my mom because she wasn’t fond of one of the ingredients but liked the dish otherwise. She said it was one of her fondest memories of her and the act touched her heart. And here my own MIL can’t even remember my simply *liking* a drink that she also drinks every year, and that I provide annually.

Another, during high school and breaks in college, I had a really unique job. When I met DH in college it was always a talking point when making small talk in college. It was a big part of my identity for many years, even part-time after I graduated and around the time DH and I got engaged. So it surprised me when MIL started talking about how one of her friend’s children had gotten the exact same job. She had no recollection that I had ever had the same job. Or, at least pretended she didn’t.

She forgets all sorts of things about me, but remembers the most random things about pretty much everyone else. I’m sure she just doesn’t care, and that’s fine. But man, it’s almost as though she delights in gaslighting or something with me. I just can’t figure it out. Is there any other reason a person with otherwise fine memory would remember absolutely nothing about her DIL?

[Anonymous]

You seem overly dramatic. So your MIL doesn’t remember a drink you like or a job you had in college. And this is proof that she doesn’t like or care about you.

You have to be a bored troll. No one can really be this immature and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem overly dramatic. So your MIL doesn’t remember a drink you like or a job you had in college. And this is proof that she doesn’t like or care about you.

You have to be a bored troll. No one can really be this immature and ridiculous.

No kidding. Op is beyond ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I feel like people are like this in life towards me generally but accept I am not the center of the universe . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I feel like people are like this in life towards me generally but accept I am not the center of the universe . . . .

Lol. How dare MIL not turn her story about her friend's child into a atory about OP.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but you are going to have to come up with examples more recent than a job 15+ years ago or more frequent than a 1/year drink for us to buy this one. Not enough evidence to support the complaint, even on MIL-hating DCUM land.

[Anonymous]

Just because someone’s comments or actions result in you feeling [negative emotion] does not mean that was their intent. In fact far more often, it was not. You’re entitled to feel bad but there’s no reason to escalate that to her intending and even delighting in you feeling that way.

[Anonymous]

I barely remember my unusual summer jobs from 15 years ago...

[Anonymous]

OP, are you going to be one of those hysterical MILs who makes a passion play out of every little thing that bothers you? One day your DIL or SIL will be on here writing about how self-absorbed you are.

[Anonymous]

I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

[Anonymous]

OP you didn’t need to start a new thread for this. This belongs on the petty vents thread. In fact, it’s perfect for the petty vents thread. Go post it there and ask Jeff to delete this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

+1. “A signature drink.” You really do think quite highly of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't like the drink and is just being nice by drinking it again, every year, wishing you would just stop bringing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

Wow! I’m honestly surprised. I serve a dessert my MIL enjoys, every Christmas. I know every part-time job she had (housewife who occasionally worked odd jobs). I worked my job for nearly a decade, 7 of those years I was with DH. It’s just odd to me that she can’t or won’t remember things about me. I don’t want her to make it about me per se, but it’s so weird she acts like she can’t remember drinking X last Christmas, or that she can’t remember me talking about a job I had for a decade. But I accept that I’m being irrational. I’ll work on figuring out why it bothers me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

Wow! I’m honestly surprised. I serve a dessert my MIL enjoys, every Christmas. I know every part-time job she had (housewife who occasionally worked odd jobs). I worked my job for nearly a decade, 7 of those years I was with DH. It’s just odd to me that she can’t or won’t remember things about me. I don’t want her to make it about me per se, but it’s so weird she acts like she can’t remember drinking X last Christmas, or that she can’t remember me talking about a job I had for a decade. But I accept that I’m being irrational. I’ll work on figuring out why it bothers me.

The short term memory loss can be an early sign of dementia too. Did that ever cross your mind?