Why is MIL so dismissive of things relating to me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone’s comments or actions result in you feeling [negative emotion] does not mean that was their intent. In fact far more often, it was not. You’re entitled to feel bad but there’s no reason to escalate that to her intending and even delighting in you feeling that way.

I like this approach but I understand OP. There must be more to it. Sometimes one just knows when one is being dismissed. Also, just because someone doesn’t do something intentional doesn’t mean it’s ok. For example, all the moms/ wives that got nothing for Christmas this year. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but it still hurt like hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

+1. “A signature drink.” You really do think quite highly of yourself.

Your MIL is probably offended that you bring your own alcohol to her house. How rude!! Like nothing in her house is good enough for you, so you have to bring your own signature gimlet ingredients?? Classic narcissist. YOU OP are the narcissist, not your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

+1. “A signature drink.” You really do think quite highly of yourself.

Your MIL is probably offended that you bring your own alcohol to her house. How rude!! Like nothing in her house is good enough for you, so you have to bring your own signature gimlet ingredients?? Classic narcissist. YOU OP are the narcissist, not your MIL.

Ha! There was a thread recently that accused a MIL for being controlling because she brought ingredients and serving dishes to thanksgiving. Maybe these two should go out for a boozy brunch sometime.

[Anonymous]

Go full dementia-concern.

“Really, Carole? You don’t have any memory of me bringing this very cocktail for six years in a row? If this was the first time you forgot, it wouldn’t concern me, but you literally forget every year. I think it’s time you talked to your doctor about this persistent memory loss, don’t you?”

“Really, Carole? You don’t remember that I drove the Oscar-Meyer Weinermobile? We’ve talked about it several times over the years. Wow, this and not remembering the cocktail—I’m going to have to look for a number of a good gerontologist for you. Unless any of this is suddenly starting to ring a bell?” Pointed look.

[Anonymous]

Your offended your MIL didn't rememeber your PT job from 15 years ago?! This can't be real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go full dementia-concern.

“Really, Carole? You don’t have any memory of me bringing this very cocktail for six years in a row? If this was the first time you forgot, it wouldn’t concern me, but you literally forget every year. I think it’s time you talked to your doctor about this persistent memory loss, don’t you?”

“Really, Carole? You don’t remember that I drove the Oscar-Meyer Weinermobile? We’ve talked about it several times over the years. Wow, this and not remembering the cocktail—I’m going to have to look for a number of a good gerontologist for you. Unless any of this is suddenly starting to ring a bell?” Pointed look.

I think this might get everyone in ear shot to go full personality disorder concern for you. So, sure, go for it if you want everyone to be concerned about your well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

+1. “A signature drink.” You really do think quite highly of yourself.

Your MIL is probably offended that you bring your own alcohol to her house. How rude!! Like nothing in her house is good enough for you, so you have to bring your own signature gimlet ingredients?? Classic narcissist. YOU OP are the narcissist, not your MIL.

That’s a bit extreme. Dcurban mom oh so loved to throw around the narcissist accusations.

[Anonymous]

OP, I staunchly defend you as I can understand this entire dynamic with my own MIL and FIL and it’s beyond annoying, most especially as the years go on.

Married for over 25 years and known my ILs for almost 30. We
live nearby and I see them about weekly. I have patiently listened in rapt attention to all of the family stories and could easily map their family tree and provide rich commentary and details on their friends.

Most hurtful is I have to hear all about some random friend of a friend who has this amazing involvement in (insert name of similar my own organization/career) + they go into great detail about how smart and capable this person is and what this job entails.

They ponder over purchasing products that I have some expertise in, but would never ask for my advice or realize that I could help. They just buy something inferior and then complain. They’re not really sure what I do for a living and never ask.

[Anonymous]

How are a drink you have once a year and a job your had 20 years ago “key pieces of information” about you? Unless you were a stripper in college, I’m not sure why you’re still expecting people to remember this about you.

[Anonymous]

I am a DIL. Hopefully, one day I will be a MIL. I am so sick and tired of grown-a$$ women on DCUM, getting bu^^tt hurt about their MILs.

Really, can y'all be the grown-up and ignore and gray rock any negativity? How pathetic are you that you are crushed when some person who is not your own biological parent says something to you?

[Anonymous]

I don't remember anyone's birthday or what anyone drinks. I have no idea how you "take your coffee" or what alcoholic drinks you like. And no, I am not going to remember the job you had TWENTY YEARS AGO. Are you high?!

[Anonymous]

OP, are you White?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you White?

Wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

Wow! I’m honestly surprised. I serve a dessert my MIL enjoys, every Christmas. I know every part-time job she had (housewife who occasionally worked odd jobs). I worked my job for nearly a decade, 7 of those years I was with DH. It’s just odd to me that she can’t or won’t remember things about me. I don’t want her to make it about me per se, but it’s so weird she acts like she can’t remember drinking X last Christmas, or that she can’t remember me talking about a job I had for a decade. But I accept that I’m being irrational. I’ll work on figuring out why it bothers me.

So you have a memory for mundane details but are otherwise emotionally immature. Do you how many times a week my own teenagers tell me, ‘I already told you that?’
WHO GIVES A FUDGE!!!
Are brains are filled with a million little pieces of necessary and unnecessary information and at your big age you are using a cocktail as the litmus test of someone’s feelings towards you???
GROW UP! Can you remember to do that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in here ready to sympathize as my MIL can be dismissive, but this is just ridiculous! Get over yourself OP

+1. “A signature drink.” You really do think quite highly of yourself.

Haha. I only caught that the second time around. It is pretty funny and pretentious.