AITA? DH always makes last minute holiday plans to travel

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling stretched a bit thin this year. Just nonstop sicknesses since Thanksgiving (plus a funeral that we drove 30 hours round trip to attend). We're finally not sick. I'm hosting a big Christmas eve and Christmas with my family (who are coming into town just for us, but not staying with us) and several friends. I begged dh to make sure to invite his parents, he wouldn't. Finally he called them last night and asked if they'd like to come. No, of course they don't want to come because it's last minute, they've already made plans, and they want us to come instead.

This happens every.single.year. I've told them previously (because dh doesn't have the guts to) that we aren't traveling on Christmas Eve when the kids believe in Santa. And now they want us to visit, which dh thinks is a great idea! DH wants us to leave tomorrow and come back on Christmas eve. I haven't wrapped any presents, I have packed up the car for a long trip and when will I have time to cook and clean for my own party? Why can't they just come instead?

AITA? I'm so hurt by their refusal to never come see us on Christmas. When my family isn't coming for Christmas, they just mail presents. His just keep asking when we're coming. I'm also very angry at dh for never picking up the phone. Obviously he's more afraid of being a bad son than being a bad husband.

[Anonymous]

This is easy. Don’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is easy. Don’t go.

+1 This is a stupid idea and way too much to ask, even before you add in country-wide ice and snow storms messing up air travel. Don't go.

[Anonymous]

Your in-laws have TRULY done nothing wrong. Your DH sorta have them no choice but to invite you given that they already have plans. What else could they say, “we have plans at this late date, but Larlo, your wife said your kids need to be home Christmas morning, so you can’t come here either.”

My DH procrastinates convos where someone will be disappointed, so I def get how you keep ending up here. Just tell your DH you aren’t up to it but if he wants to take your kids on this whirlwind trip and be back by Christmas Eve, you’ll have everything wrapped for their return.

[Anonymous]

“Bob from where I’m sitting it seems like you’re avoiding being the crappy son and choosing to be the crappy spouse. Every year you do the same thing and wait. So this year, I’ll be the crappy spouse with you: Take the kids to your parents. I’m staying home to rest, clean and prep for Christmas.”

You have choices here, OP. Take them.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha ha!!!

You need to tell the ILs directly that you will not travel at Christmas time for the foresee future, despite what their idiot son thinks. This whole “each parent communicates with his or her own family” only works when you both have your act together… which your husband clearly does not.

And tell your husband he needs to step up to help you.

[Anonymous]

This is lame and thoughtless of him.

BUT.

If the storm doesn't impact the driving route, send DH and the kids. Wrap presents in peace with wine and Netflix, do lunch with your parents on their first day visiting, and welcome them all back with open arms, wrapped gifts, and grandparents!

And tell DH that next year he is expected to be communicating better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws have TRULY done nothing wrong. Your DH sorta have them no choice but to invite you given that they already have plans. What else could they say, “we have plans at this late date, but Larlo, your wife said your kids need to be home Christmas morning, so you can’t come here either.”

My DH procrastinates convos where someone will be disappointed, so I def get how you keep ending up here. Just tell your DH you aren’t up to it but if he wants to take your kids on this whirlwind trip and be back by Christmas Eve, you’ll have everything wrapped for their return.

DP but I wouldn't do this either. They'll all come back sick. He can go alone or tell them this doesn't work but he looks forward to planning something so everyone can get together in the new year.

[Anonymous]

Traveling before Christmas while planning to host is impossible without planning around it. You need to be grocery shopping, baking, prepping, cleaning. I do not see why they cannot visit you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Every year he makes promises that this bad communicating won't happen again. And every year, here we are.

I sort of think this is a power struggle between my inlaws and me about who can host. They won't attend our Christmas because it means I'm hosting.

[Anonymous]

Why did you make him invite them? It doesn't seem like you want them to come. He should have not called and then you wouldn't be invited there either.

Drop the rope, OP. Stop trying to engineer a functional family. You don't have one and the best thing is to accept it.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH he is welcome to pack all the kids stuff and his stuff. When he has done so, only then do you pack your stuff. He won't do it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go, but he’s free to take the kids if he thinks it’s such a great idea. Interesting comment about the power struggle and your DH refusing to invite them to your house. Do you think it was always his intention to get you to travel to their house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you make him invite them? It doesn't seem like you want them to come. He should have not called and then you wouldn't be invited there either.

Drop the rope, OP. Stop trying to engineer a functional family. You don't have one and the best thing is to accept it.

OP here. Because the only options are that they come down here and bring the presents to us or we travel to get the presents. Before we had kids we would travel to my family cross country and then they'd ask and keep asking when we're coming to celebrate Christmas with them. It just never seemed to be an option to not celebrate Christmas. They didn't get that we were only going to celebrate with them every other year.

I do actually want my inlaws to come. I like them. And I wish they'd come see our merry Christmas. It really is festive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Every year he makes promises that this bad communicating won't happen again. And every year, here we are.

I sort of think this is a power struggle between my inlaws and me about who can host. They won't attend our Christmas because it means I'm hosting.

Maybe, but the real issue is between you and your spouse. Instead of complaining about it, just be straightforward and say that it’s great if he wants to take the kids. You’ll be staying home. Problem solved. No power struggle.