SAHDs are not lepers
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Anonymous
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I was a SAHD. I can’t tell you the number of times I was treated as suspect at the mall play area or the playground.
I was told I couldn’t photograph swim meets for mom when no female I saw taking pictures was asked to put the camera or phone away. Sitting away from the soccer pitch with a long telephoto was seen as suspect. (I never wanted the kid watching me and not the game). We are not lepers; we just have a reverse of the “normal” life. |
Anonymous
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It's hard to be stereotyped and discriminated against due to an accident of birth.
2011 arrest data in suburban areas from the FBI: Males constituted 98.9% of those arrested for forcible rape Males constituted 87.9% of those arrested for robbery Males constituted 85.0% of those arrested for burglary Males constituted 83.0% of those arrested for arson Males constituted 81.7% of those arrested for vandalism Males constituted 81.5% of those arrested for motor-vehicle theft. Males constituted 79.7% of those arrested for offenses against family and children Males constituted 77.8% of those arrested for aggravated assault |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry OP. I’ll be your friend! You might not like me though… |
Anonymous
I sure as heck am not going to leave my child alone with any moms! “ A British retrospective prevalence study of 2,869 young adults aged 18-24 (May-Chahal & Cawson, 2005) found that mothers were more likely than fathers to be responsible for physical abuse (49% of incidents compared to 40%).” |
Anonymous
I am friendly with SAHDs. But the long telephoto thing is weird. |
Anonymous
| You had me until telephoto lens. |
Anonymous
That's pretty much even and I bet the moms did less damage. |
Anonymous
Why I see lots of female photographers with telephoto lenses both at club and high school. Men too. |
Anonymous
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The telephoto lens is creepy. Maybe you’re treated strangely because you’re acting strangely, not because you’re a SAHD.
Btw, it’s common courtesy to not take photos of anyone except your own kids, especially at things like swim meets. If other kids happen to be in the photo that’s okay, but if you’re taking pics of other kids and clearly not just of your own kid then that’s another thing people (including me) will think is weird and creepy. |
Anonymous
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There are plenty of involved dads in our circles. I don’t think anyone would know if you are a stay at home dad or working dad at a swim meet or soccer game. If you act or look creepy, parents may be suspicious.
Some people just act suspicious. My brother is one of these people. He has poor eye contact. When we are in stores or restaurants, he looks nervous and then seems suspicious for no reason. He is just socially awkward. Sometimes I ask him very simple questions and he can’t or won’t respond and it seems like he is hiding something. It can be the most innocent question like what are you doing tomorrow. He gets all fidgety and doesn’t respond. He could simply say he has nothing planned but it seems like he is planning to rob a bank or murder. |
Anonymous
I would absolutely think you were creepy and not like it if some guy was taking pictures of my kids at a swim meet. I barely know anyone there so I would not think or care about someone’s working status. |
Anonymous
| Telephoto lens from afar is definitely creepy! OP, you sound kind of off. Sorry. I can only imagine how I and other parents would feel if we noticed some guy taking photos with this type of camera from afar. I am certain one of the parents may go up to you and ask you what you were doing. |
Anonymous
| While not the norm, there are plenty of men who are the default parent. My husband handles all the sports. Our PTA has dads. There is a dad at our school who is super involved, much more involved than his wife. I think he may be gay but he is super friendly. He often volunteers and helps out. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry that you are under constant suspicion. I'm a SAHM and some of my best friends when my kids were in elementary school were SAHDs. It is so important that kids see dads in these roles. |
Anonymous
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OP here,
Swim meet, regular dslr only took pics of MY kid no one else’s. Women with DSLR camera were never approached. Soccer, followed the ball but mostly my kid. Shared pics with other parents in our own private FB group. Other moms and dads would approach our side and me and ask why I was roaming around the side of the field to take pics yes with a telephoto lens. Never once did I see this happen to women with a telephoto lens. And yes if you want better action Pictures, you move around the field with the sun at your back or behind the side of the goal to catch a shot or goal. Women would grab their purse and move away or side eye me when at the park watching my toddler play. Frankly they did the same with other dads and granddads. Never once did I see this happen with women. Nothing creepy at all, no lurking about in the shadows. |