Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frederick

He's got dimples and a cowlick. Once at Home Depot you turned around for 3 seconds and when you looked for him he was gone. Finally he yelled "Hi Mom!" and waved from above. He'd scaled the shelving they have and was sitting high up above. A Home Depot worker had to go get a ladder to get him down. He does things like this at people's houses too which is why you no longer get invitations, though you think it's just that everyone is very busy.

You have zero sex drive and don't understand the people who have one. You read a lot about fertility and got disappointed to find out you had to have sex more than once a month when trying to get pregnant.

DH would love to have more sex but isn't very good looking so isn't getting any on the side. Also, he has an anger problem and you don't know this but when he went to that big game at Miami Ohio, he got in a fight with some drunk guy and almost got arrested. DH is sad that Frederick isn't well-liked. DH's shoes often come untied throughout the course of the day and you can not understand why he's not capable of tying them so they stay tied. You have had fights about this.

[Anonymous]

ha! i know a kid who did that at home depot! (not mine and not named Frederick) Maybe we know the same family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Edward
Claire
Henry

You hate your children's names. You're not sure when that happened, or if one ruins the bunch for you, but there it is. You also hate that your DH called Clair "Claire Bear" as if it's at all original. It's not. Claire and Henry are quite close and you are confused by that because you thought the two boys would be close. You keep trying to push them together and DH keeps telling you to back off. Sometimes you look down at your sensible loafers and turtleneck and wonder when you became this minivan driving mother of three with awful names. You want to get on anti-depressants but don't quite understand how health insurance works and are scared DH will find out. You have sex with him twice a week because you feel it's your wifely duty, but you're not really into it and fake it often. Last time you were trying to figure out if there was some way you could use a hidden projection screen of some sort to read your book on the ceiling while DH pumped away, but couldn't figure out the page-turning issue.

Claire is a lovely girl who gets lots of compliments on her behavior, but she doesn't understand why her mother doesn't really seem to love her. She consoles herself with her father's love, and when she hits puberty will console herself with attention from the wrong boys. Towards the end of high school Claire will have an abortion, and the only person she'll tell is Henry, who will drive her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ha! i know a kid who did that at home depot! (not mine and not named Frederick) Maybe we know the same family.

I got the idea from a friend. Does your name start with an F? Does the name of the kid who did that start with a T?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys have missed your callings as psychics!

Try:
Adam
Daniel

You belong to the J-CC, but haven't found a synagogue that really fits your family and you aren't sure if your sons really want to do the whole Bar Mitzvah thing. Your summer schedule is packed with a wide variety of summer camp sessions: lego reobotics, science, soccer, rock climbing, and Spanish. You enjoy occasional family camping trips and are in the midst of planning a big trip to the Grand Canyon. Your husband and your sons get more of a kick out of the outdoor endeavors than you do, but you go along because you enjoy seeing them have fun and you want them to think of you as the cool mom.You are realizing how quickly time is slipping past and you are already starting to worry about how empty and quiet the house will be once the boys go to college. Your husband has floated the possibility of temporarily working overseas for his company and that is something you would both enjoy, especially if it was in Italy or France. Your in-laws live in the area and a regular part of your lives, but your own parents live several hours away and as they get older you have been making more frequent trips back home. You are now starting to face the reality that they might need to more support. You have considered having them live with you, but you know your husband wouldn't be able to tolerate that. Chocolate mint ice cream gives you comfort on late nights.

I seriously think you should open a DCUMers' 1-900 psychic line. You have that talent of highlighting things that are actually very common but with enough detail that people think they heard something specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ha! i know a kid who did that at home depot! (not mine and not named Frederick) Maybe we know the same family.

I got the idea from a friend. Does your name start with an F? Does the name of the kid who did that start with a T?

My name does not start with an F but the little boys name definitely starts with a T. OMG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ha! i know a kid who did that at home depot! (not mine and not named Frederick) Maybe we know the same family.

I got the idea from a friend. Does your name start with an F? Does the name of the kid who did that start with a T?

My name does not start with an F but the little boys name definitely starts with a T. OMG!

Well, unless you're the husband of F, then there are probably two little boys who have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edward
Claire
Henry

You hate your children's names. You're not sure when that happened, or if one ruins the bunch for you, but there it is. You also hate that your DH called Clair "Claire Bear" as if it's at all original. It's not. Claire and Henry are quite close and you are confused by that because you thought the two boys would be close. You keep trying to push them together and DH keeps telling you to back off. Sometimes you look down at your sensible loafers and turtleneck and wonder when you became this minivan driving mother of three with awful names. You want to get on anti-depressants but don't quite understand how health insurance works and are scared DH will find out. You have sex with him twice a week because you feel it's your wifely duty, but you're not really into it and fake it often. Last time you were trying to figure out if there was some way you could use a hidden projection screen of some sort to read your book on the ceiling while DH pumped away, but couldn't figure out the page-turning issue.

Claire is a lovely girl who gets lots of compliments on her behavior, but she doesn't understand why her mother doesn't really seem to love her. She consoles herself with her father's love, and when she hits puberty will console herself with attention from the wrong boys. Towards the end of high school Claire will have an abortion, and the only person she'll tell is Henry, who will drive her.

Pretty good! Hope the last part doesn't turn out true.

[Anonymous]

Anyone want to try

James
Gabrielle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edward
Claire
Henry

You hate your children's names. You're not sure when that happened, or if one ruins the bunch for you, but there it is. You also hate that your DH called Clair "Claire Bear" as if it's at all original. It's not. Claire and Henry are quite close and you are confused by that because you thought the two boys would be close. You keep trying to push them together and DH keeps telling you to back off. Sometimes you look down at your sensible loafers and turtleneck and wonder when you became this minivan driving mother of three with awful names. You want to get on anti-depressants but don't quite understand how health insurance works and are scared DH will find out. You have sex with him twice a week because you feel it's your wifely duty, but you're not really into it and fake it often. Last time you were trying to figure out if there was some way you could use a hidden projection screen of some sort to read your book on the ceiling while DH pumped away, but couldn't figure out the page-turning issue.

Claire is a lovely girl who gets lots of compliments on her behavior, but she doesn't understand why her mother doesn't really seem to love her. She consoles herself with her father's love, and when she hits puberty will console herself with attention from the wrong boys. Towards the end of high school Claire will have an abortion, and the only person she'll tell is Henry, who will drive her.

Don't worry Claire's mom -- I think the psychic poster on this one channeled a little too much "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" when talking about Claire.

Pretty good! Hope the last part doesn't turn out true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Edward
Claire
Henry

You are Republican. You live in Potomac. You play tennis. Every day. You will celebrate your upcoming anniversary with a Mediterranean cruise and you will think that Venice is disgusting and dirty. You are respected for your active volunteer work in the community and your generous donations to local charities. Your children go to private schools, just like you and your husband did. You host all of the major holiday celebrations for your family because your house is the biggest and you like to be in control. Your siblings are jealous of your life and you like that. Your children are polite, friendly, but bland. Henry will give you some trouble when he gets older and you will probably have to support him long after college because he will lack any motivation or drive. Edward and Claire will be fine, but distant until they have children and then your relationship with them will deepen. You will love being a grandmother and they will love spending time with you, especially during the holidays when you pull out all of the fancy decorations and delicious treats. Your secretly fantasize about gaining a lot of weight and eating good bread smothered with fancy French butter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone want to try

James
Gabrielle

James really wants to be called Jamie, but his dad told him flat out it's gay. James knows his social studies teacher is gay, and was hurt on Mr. B's behalf when his dad said that, but knew not to talk back. Gabrielle has a tight circle of friends and is on high honor roll. Sometimes her friends tease her about acting too white, and she's not exactly sure what's so wrong with that.

Aside from DH being homophobic you and he have a great relationship. You were both very active in Greek life in college, and are still close to your friends from college. DH is supposed to be on a low sodium diet, but he doesn't tell you that he gets fries every single day at lunch. You are so thankful the kids take after your body type. Your family somehow wound up the only black family on your block, and everyone goes out of their way to show they're friendly towards you. You and Gabrielle joke about it when driving places. She wants to go volunteer in Africa for a year but you are scared to let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edward
Claire
Henry

You hate your children's names. You're not sure when that happened, or if one ruins the bunch for you, but there it is. You also hate that your DH called Clair "Claire Bear" as if it's at all original. It's not. Claire and Henry are quite close and you are confused by that because you thought the two boys would be close. You keep trying to push them together and DH keeps telling you to back off. Sometimes you look down at your sensible loafers and turtleneck and wonder when you became this minivan driving mother of three with awful names. You want to get on anti-depressants but don't quite understand how health insurance works and are scared DH will find out. You have sex with him twice a week because you feel it's your wifely duty, but you're not really into it and fake it often. Last time you were trying to figure out if there was some way you could use a hidden projection screen of some sort to read your book on the ceiling while DH pumped away, but couldn't figure out the page-turning issue.

Claire is a lovely girl who gets lots of compliments on her behavior, but she doesn't understand why her mother doesn't really seem to love her. She consoles herself with her father's love, and when she hits puberty will console herself with attention from the wrong boys. Towards the end of high school Claire will have an abortion, and the only person she'll tell is Henry, who will drive her.

I think this sentence applies to 75% of DCUMers. The other 25% are trying to watch The Daily Show.

[Anonymous]

Jaelynn
Jarrett
Ella

[Anonymous]

Kara
Krystal
Kenda
Thomas
Mark


Also, this is DH's family. Both of his parents have passed but it would be interesting to see what the DCUM synopsis is. Do that, then I will share nicknames of some of his siblings with you, some are pretty hysterical.

Gloria
Ann
Delores
Barbara
Paulette
James
Anthony
Janice
Diane
Susan
Debra
William