Should i contact my cousins exwife?

[Anonymous]

My cousin and his exwife had a daughter 9 years ago. Because of family drama I never met her. Now my cousins back in my life and i get to see their daughter. But i dont get to see his exwife. I think its weird that i hangout with the daughter and her mom isnt in my life. It would be weird if i contacted her? Shes gonna think im a weirdo. But their daughter doesnt feel comfortsble when shes with her dads side of the family. Because he has 2 new kids.
I just want the 9 year old to feel safe and welcomed. Shes my relative after all

Shes 42 and is nice. I knew her 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I don’t even understand your question. Are you thinking the child will feel more comfortable hanging out with you because you’ve texted her mom? She won’t. If there child is uncomfortable with you, work on that. It’s not your place to contact her mom / your cousin’s ex. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My cousin and his exwife had a daughter 9 years ago. Because of family drama I never met her. Now my cousins back in my life and i get to see their daughter. But i dont get to see his exwife. I think its weird that i hangout with the daughter and her mom isnt in my life. It would be weird if i contacted her? Shes gonna think im a weirdo. But their daughter doesnt feel comfortsble when shes with her dads side of the family. Because he has 2 new kids.
I just want the 9 year old to feel safe and welcomed. Shes my relative after all

Shes 42 and is nice. I knew her 10 years ago.

You seem like a nice, considerate person, but it might be wise to ask your cousin first or, at the very least, inform him of your intentions prior to contacting her.

It must be difficult for the 9 year old daughter.

[Anonymous]

That sounds weird. You know the child through her father who isn't with her mother. That is perfectly normal. To get to know your own relatives without tracking down people's exes.

The 9 year old and her dad need to work out her comfort with the family and his new family. You don't try and go to his ex who has nothing to do with you to meddle.

[Anonymous]

Why was your cousin not in your life? How often do you see this child? Take is slow, show some interest in her and she will come around. Do not contact the mom.

[Anonymous]

Not your place to be reaching out unless you are a detective hired by the family.

[Anonymous]

I’d take a cute pic of niece and send it to her via fb. Maybe start a “friend” ship.

[Anonymous]

The child doesn’t feel comfortable because her father has two new kids. That is the problem here. Reaching out to the ex-wife doesn’t help the child deal with that.

Also, you don’t indicate that the ex-wife would be happy to hear from you. You said she’d think it was weird if you reached out. And you don’t state that you miss the ex’s friendship or want to reach out because you were once close. So what’s the point of reaching out? It won’t help the child and it won’t be received well by the ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn’t feel comfortable because her father has two new kids. That is the problem here. Reaching out to the ex-wife doesn’t help the child deal with that.

Also, you don’t indicate that the ex-wife would be happy to hear from you. You said she’d think it was weird if you reached out. And you don’t state that you miss the ex’s friendship or want to reach out because you were once close. So what’s the point of reaching out? It won’t help the child and it won’t be received well by the ex.

I disagree. The child doesn’t feel comfortable because she doesn’t know the family yet. OP hasn’t seen this child before due to “family drama.” It wouldn’t matter if the dad had no other kids- you don’t suddenly start feeling comfortable with strangers at 9 just because they happen to be related. The answer for OP is to be warm and welcoming and spend more time (and of course contact with the child’s mother or not a prerequisite). Build a relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks guys. I honestly dont care about the mom i mean i wish her well. But i think its sad that a child is stuck between like this. Shes so clearly does not feel welcome. And her daddy and his parents arent doing anything about it.

I guess this is one of those hard things ill have to accept and it isnt my place

[Anonymous]

What is your purpose in contacting the ex-wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn’t feel comfortable because her father has two new kids. That is the problem here. Reaching out to the ex-wife doesn’t help the child deal with that.

Also, you don’t indicate that the ex-wife would be happy to hear from you. You said she’d think it was weird if you reached out. And you don’t state that you miss the ex’s friendship or want to reach out because you were once close. So what’s the point of reaching out? It won’t help the child and it won’t be received well by the ex.

I disagree. The child doesn’t feel comfortable because she doesn’t know the family yet. OP hasn’t seen this child before due to “family drama.” It wouldn’t matter if the dad had no other kids- you don’t suddenly start feeling comfortable with strangers at 9 just because they happen to be related. The answer for OP is to be warm and welcoming and spend more time (and of course contact with the child’s mother or not a prerequisite). Build a relationship.

Except the OP says that’s why the child doesn’t feel comfortable. Besides, OP says she hadn’t seen the child- she doesn’t say the rest of the family hadn’t seen the child.

[Anonymous]

I am so confused as to how reaching out to the mom would make things better for the child. There are a million ways you could try to make the child feel more included that are.... not this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My cousin and his exwife had a daughter 9 years ago. Because of family drama I never met her. Now my cousins back in my life and i get to see their daughter. But i dont get to see his exwife. I think its weird that i hangout with the daughter and her mom isnt in my life. It would be weird if i contacted her? Shes gonna think im a weirdo. But their daughter doesnt feel comfortsble when shes with her dads side of the family. Because he has 2 new kids.
I just want the 9 year old to feel safe and welcomed. Shes my relative after all

Shes 42 and is nice. I knew her 10 years ago.

You seem like a nice, considerate person, but it might be wise to ask your cousin first or, at the very least, inform him of your intentions prior to contacting her.

It must be difficult for the 9 year old daughter.

She doesn't seem nice and considerate about her own cousin. OP, your attitude is toxic. You are going to poison your relationship with your cousin if you become friends with is ex behind his back. Then you won't hang out with his daughter at all. What an idiotic, toxic plan. Is that really how you treat your own family members? "She's my relative after all." With relatives like you, who needs ex's.

[Anonymous]

No

This is a weird idea

You know the child thru the dad not the mom.