Should i contact my cousins exwife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your purpose in contacting the ex-wife?

To make it all about OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your purpose in contacting the ex-wife?

To make it all about OP.

Or maybe, since OP says that the child's father doesn't seem to be doing much to help the child feel comfortable, the child's mother could give OP some suggestions about what would work best to welcome the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn’t feel comfortable because her father has two new kids. That is the problem here. Reaching out to the ex-wife doesn’t help the child deal with that.

Also, you don’t indicate that the ex-wife would be happy to hear from you. You said she’d think it was weird if you reached out. And you don’t state that you miss the ex’s friendship or want to reach out because you were once close. So what’s the point of reaching out? It won’t help the child and it won’t be received well by the ex.

I disagree. The child doesn’t feel comfortable because she doesn’t know the family yet. OP hasn’t seen this child before due to “family drama.” It wouldn’t matter if the dad had no other kids- you don’t suddenly start feeling comfortable with strangers at 9 just because they happen to be related. The answer for OP is to be warm and welcoming and spend more time (and of course contact with the child’s mother or not a prerequisite). Build a relationship.

Except the OP says that’s why the child doesn’t feel comfortable. Besides, OP says she hadn’t seen the child- she doesn’t say the rest of the family hadn’t seen the child.

Yeah, I don’t place a lot of stock in what OP’ thinks is going on with the child since her solution to help the child is getting in touch with the former cousin in law after years of silence because *OP* feels weird to be in touch with a child but not the child’s mother. She
Doesnt have a lot of credibility so far because that’s an odd solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn’t feel comfortable because her father has two new kids. That is the problem here. Reaching out to the ex-wife doesn’t help the child deal with that.

Also, you don’t indicate that the ex-wife would be happy to hear from you. You said she’d think it was weird if you reached out. And you don’t state that you miss the ex’s friendship or want to reach out because you were once close. So what’s the point of reaching out? It won’t help the child and it won’t be received well by the ex.

I disagree. The child doesn’t feel comfortable because she doesn’t know the family yet. OP hasn’t seen this child before due to “family drama.” It wouldn’t matter if the dad had no other kids- you don’t suddenly start feeling comfortable with strangers at 9 just because they happen to be related. The answer for OP is to be warm and welcoming and spend more time (and of course contact with the child’s mother or not a prerequisite). Build a relationship.

Except the OP says that’s why the child doesn’t feel comfortable. Besides, OP says she hadn’t seen the child- she doesn’t say the rest of the family hadn’t seen the child.

Yeah, I don’t place a lot of stock in what OP’ thinks is going on with the child since her solution to help the child is getting in touch with the former cousin in law after years of silence because *OP* feels weird to be in touch with a child but not the child’s mother. She
Doesnt have a lot of credibility so far because that’s an odd solution.

+1 Terrible idea. I can see why she hasn't seen her cousin and the cousin's child for years because of "family drama." This is the kind of drama the cousin was trying to escape, probably. OP is a back stabber and a narcissist and her own need to be involved in some drama is at the heart of this fantasy, not wanting to help her cousin's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Only reach out if your cousin initiates it. Otherwise, be social if you run into her.

I recently reached out to my cousin’s ex wife but only because my cousins have kept in touch with her, I’ve actually seen her at some family events and my cousin suggested it when I was looking for something and it turns out that’s her line of business. But it’s been over 20 years and the family has maintained a relationship, inviting her to the annual holiday party. Not everyone has this kind of relationship so you take your cues from your cousin.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Be very kind, warm and nice towards the children - the 9 yr old as well as the two new kids. There are a million ways you can make the 9 year old feel welcome, special and included, in your own house. However, you also need to be welcoming to the second wife, her kids and your cousin. Do you understand this?

You can even say to your cousin niece when you are alone - "Please give my regards to your mom!", without becoming nosy. That is the extent of your relationship with her mom.

Yes, sure, if you bump into the ex-wife at church, you can be friendly and polite. You can compliment her on her sweet daughter, and maybe some kind of friendship can develop. But, you do not go behind your cousin's back and make friends with her. You have to respect your cousin, the grandparents, the new wife and the new kids too. You really need to stay in your lane but nothing is preventing you from being loving, kind and welcoming to the little girl.

[Anonymous]

Could backfire

[Anonymous]

Positively don’t contact the ex. Clearly the child hasn’t spent time with all of you so you are in essence strangers to her. Give it time.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks for all the suggestions. Guys I had no bad intentions and trust me the last thing i want is attention . I honestly just feel bad for the 9 year old. Kids are innocent and pure , she hasn’t done anything wrong. She deserves to be comfortable, happy and have fun . Anyway Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why was your cousin not in your life?

How often do you see this child?
Take is slow, show some interest in her and she will come around.
Do not contact the mom.

The ONLY important question in all of this.