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Devastated that I will never have a daughter
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Anonymous
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I have 3 boys and am absolutely devastated that I will never have a daughter. The baby is 8 months and I still regularly cry about it. Every time I see little girls, girl clothes, mommy and daughter events, etc. I become extremely depressed. We can’t have more kids, even 3 is a stretch for us.
Anyone else feel this way? I feel like when I bring it up people act like I’m crazy. All I ever wanted was a daughter. My mom and I are so close and I feel like I will never have that relationship. It just feels so unfair that I tried 3 times, went through 3 terrible births, ruined my body and my mental health for my kids and I don’t even have 1 girl. I was really hoping I would get over it after the baby was born but if anything it’s worse. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else went through this and how I can get over it and not become depressed every time I see a little girl. |
Anonymous
| You need to talk to a counselor specializing in post partum depression. You need to do it for both you and your kids. Pick up the phone and make the calls today. Don't stop calling until you find an appointment. |
Anonymous
| I hate to use the cliché of “get therapy”, but in this case it might help you. I wanted 2 girls and I ended up with 2 boys, but I am totally fine with that now because I enjoy them for who they are. |
Anonymous
| Normal feelings, OP, but given their apparent intensity I do think you should consider working with a therapist on this. You'll need to work toward acceptance, which will take time, and daily feelings of gratitude for three healthy children. |
Anonymous
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Why would you think you can't or won't have a close relationship with your sons?
I have both genders. I'm closest to my son. I have a terrible relationship with my own mother. The thing that will ensure you don't develop a close relationship with them though is carrying this around with you as there is zero way they don't pick up on that energy. I know everyone tosses it around here on DCUM but get a therapist immediately. You will regret it if you don't get past this and focus on what you have in front of you. |
Anonymous
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People are going to tear you apart here. I'd remove the thread, you aren't ready for it.
I can relate, and I hope you find peace, but this isn't the place to vent about it. |
Anonymous
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You'll only never have a daughter if you choose to remain daughter-less. There's always adoption! Don't only focus on babies, either. Look at older girls for adoption.
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Anonymous
+1 It's normal to feel disappointed, but being "devastated," regularly crying over it, and being depressed every time you see a little girl is not normal or healthy, and it's likely to damage your relationships with your sons if you don't get some help. |
Anonymous
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Same, OP. Except in my case my mom has already died and I had a daughter who died shortly after death, so it feels especially poignant.
I'd advise you to stop articulating it, except perhaps very rarely, because if they understand your boys will feel less than, especially the third, if they feel you'd rather they were someone else. Embrace not having to deal with some of the more typical things that girl parents sometimes have to manage. Look forward to having a good relationship with a DIL some day if your boys choose to marry women eventually, or in being a grandparent to a girl if that happens for you. Like managing any disappointment, embrace the blessings you do have, and if you have 3 children, you certainly have a lot to be grateful for. |
Anonymous
| Please contact your OB and ask to be screened for PPD. I know the emotions you’re having feel so real but it’s a straw man. You are clinging to a dream as a means of disassociation and it’s preventing you from enjoying the amazing life and kids you have. |
Anonymous
I'm from a family of 3 girls and a boy. My mom and brother are super close. Growing up I was actually closest to my Dad. |
Anonymous
+1. I had PPA and part of it manifested in intense disappointment about my c section. 3 years out the feelings are gone but back in PPA brain I had built this up into this huge thing. |
Anonymous
| You have one vision of a daughter in mind, but if you had one, she might be very different then your vision. Your relationship might be totally different than yours with your moms. My daughter is all about Dad. I am pretty much just good for supplying meals. I know it will change over time but moms and sons have special relationships too. |
Anonymous
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I have never personally been able to relate to this feeling at all although I know many women have it. It's probably because I'm not super close to my own mother. I just don't get it on any level. Why does it have to be a girl? My son and I have so much in common and we're super tight. My husband is close to his mom and treats her like gold. It just seems like hanging on to this stereotypical idea of what it means to have a son or a daughter.
Here's another positive. Three brothers growing up together! So fun for them and they will hopefully have good relationships their whole lives. |
Anonymous
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Get over yourself. There are things that are worthy of feelings if “devastation.”
You’re ridiculous, selfish, and dramatic. |