How to handle jealousy/loss of friends when kids makes a higher level team?

[Anonymous]

My child is not the best at their sport, but they have a unique talent that the higher level team wants. Now the rec friends have made comments indicating they believe that they should’ve been chosen before my child. I’m sensing some negative body language from parents who I thought I was friendly with. My child will remain on the rec team, but they are upset that the “friends” are behaving like this. How do I counsel them? Just do your best and ignore the comments? A witty comeback when asked how they made the team? Fwiw, coach told the other kids, not my kid. I’m feeling sad for my kid that they have this big accomplishment and no one seems happy for them in their minds.

[Anonymous]

Goodness that's terrible. Does he have friends and do you have friends that are happy for you guys?

[Anonymous]

Congrats to your son OP!

Not surprising the comments from teammates to your son. Based on what parents write on this board--apple likely does not fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Why is your child remaining on the rec team if they made a travel team?

[Anonymous]

God, I hate this. And so many parents (especially Dads) feed into it.

It's this attitude in young athletes that any setback or loss could not be a result of their play, but because:

- the refs missed a call
- coaches are stupid
- Daddyball.

No, sorry. These other kids couldn't bring the same value to the team as your son. That's it. That's the reason.

Its ok for your son to be proud of the fact that he made the team. No need to brag or be showy, but also no need to downplay it either.

[Anonymous]

We've been on both sides of this situation. It's hard in both. This year, DS didn't make our local team, but made a travel team that competes in a higher division. The dynamic is pretty weird and we just try to encourage him to stay friends with his former teammates as you never know what next year will bring, although some of them no longer want to train with him in some semiprivates that we've done in past years.

[Anonymous]

I've never met people like that in music competitions or auditions, where children compete directly against each other for the top spots. Everyone always wishes the other kids luck, and congratulates whoever won or was admitted.

If the team families react that way, it's a sign you need to move up, OP. No use staying for that sort of atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, that sucks.

[Anonymous]

What age are we talking about? If very young this can all change every year as all the kids grow and mature. You can be on top one year and drop down a few pegs the next. If it's a huge issue just drop the rec team and focus on the other team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your child remaining on the rec team if they made a travel team?

It’s not a rec team, but just giving an analogy. Like being on travel in 8th, but making the high school team.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the replies. I thought it was only my kid. I’m sad for them, and for myself to be honest because I really enjoyed hanging out with these people. I guess it shows who true friends are.

[Anonymous]

Why do they have to be happy in their minds? Sounds like the parents might have said the right things but you didn't like their body language and think that reveals some hidden animosity. Just take the congrats as offered and move on even if you think they don't really mean it. These people are always going to feel more sad for their own kids than happy for yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do they have to be happy in their minds? Sounds like the parents might have said the right things but you didn't like their body language and think that reveals some hidden animosity. Just take the congrats as offered and move on even if you think they don't really mean it. These people are always going to feel more sad for their own kids than happy for yours.

They don’t have to be happy in their minds, and there was no congratulations. More like “oh”. Surprised, which makes me think that they think my kid is not worthy. My kids is not the best of the team, but like I said, they have a particular quality that is attractive to coaches. Some of kids were outwardly rude asking my kid why they were picked (and implying why not them). I was just surprised at the reactions, and it wasn’t everyone on the team, but I was always taught “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”. My child’s feeling were hurt. I’m not asking them to be happy for my kid, and I get that jealously is a common reaction. I was more looking for ideas on how to explain it better to my child than “these people aren’t your real friends”. Maybe that’s the answer though as they clearly aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age are we talking about? If very young this can all change every year as all the kids grow and mature. You can be on top one year and drop down a few pegs the next. If it's a huge issue just drop the rec team and focus on the other team.

They are 12-13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your son OP!

Not surprising the comments from teammates to your son. Based on what parents write on this board--apple likely does not fall far from the tree.

Thank you. Never thought of it that way, but maybe you are right. I always want to assume that people are kind, but maybe that’s not true. Maybe some parents want other kids to fail so their kids can succeed. I don’t think of it that way.