Inconsiderate gift (or AITA)?

[Anonymous]

My mother likes jewelry. I don’t. I have told her this multiple times. But she continues to give it to me as a gift. Is it very rude to return the gift? Or any other suggestions? We have other issues so her continuing to give gifts that I don’t like just runs me the wrong way. I don’t understand why she continues to do this . This is not heirloom jewelry or something she wants to stay in the family. Just let it go and be gracious, right?

[Anonymous]

Does she buy this new to give to you. Is this a family piece your daughter (if you have one) might wear some day on the future?

[Anonymous]

Just let it go but you don’t have to be particularly gracious.

[Anonymous]

“Mother, you know I don’t like jewelry. I have so much from you that I’ll need to start selling it on eBay, haha.” Said in a semi-serious tone.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Does she ever mention that you don’t wear them?

[Anonymous]

I'd probably let it go. I can't imagine picking a fight or something over what gifts someone gave me unless it's meant to be an insult, which this doesn't seem like. Return it, sell it, give it to your daughter (if you have one) or a friend, whatever.

[Anonymous]

My parents buy me and my 20 yr old daughter jewelry for every gift. It is nice costume jewelry but usually not anything we will actually wear. Not our style and we don't often go places where is would be appropriate. It is frustrating because they are wasting their money on it. DD and I use it to practice how to be gracious. It is mail ordered so we can not return it. I have a pile of it ready to give away. I'm hoping the drama department at my ds high school might be able to use it. A few sets they have given dd small and delicate that include a necklace and earrings. We have those put away in case we need a gift for a teen girl. After 5 years of asking nicely for them to stop buying it we have given up.

[Anonymous]

Just smile and say thank you and then return it. Ideally she buys it at a department store so you can get store credit and get something you DO like from Bloomingdales.

[Anonymous]

I let it go to her but I either return them to the store (if I know where to take it) or give it to someone who might like it.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is t the best gift giver. But given that she is not obligated to give you gifts, it is not inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

It is rude when you make it clear you dislike something (e.g. jewelry_ and someone gives it to you anyway. That is not a gift. I would simply make a new rule that you are trying to be more thoughtful about the environment and teach your kids people matter, not giving gifts. Let them know from know :the gift is your presence" and you do not want material things from them. If they continue-donate.

One thing that struck me in a psychology class was that gifts are often manipulation. I recall as a 20 year old or so thinking that was such a strange concept because I bought into gifts being gestures of kindness. Most often they are not. Many families have strings they think are understood with gifts. Lots of people give gifts to annoy - e.g. a friend of mine got a vacuum from her MIL while in med school because the MIL was horrified a med student didn't clean enough. Some people give gifts to brag about how generous they are and show off. You have a right to let people know their time and company are gift enough.

[Anonymous]

Since t's not heirloom jewelry or something she wants to stay in the family, donate it. I think unkind words to her is worse than her odd, clueless behavior. If she asks why you don't wear it though, that's the time to tell her where it went and remind her that you are serious about your preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Mother, you know I don’t like jewelry. I have so much from you that I’ll need to start selling it on eBay, haha.” Said in a semi-serious tone.

This is not nice.

[Anonymous]

I’d push for no gifts, generally. Make it known before birthday or Christmas that you want to neither give nor receipt gifts for the adults in the family.

[Anonymous]

My mother buys me SO MUCH STUFF that I don't use, don't display and "isn't me." Tchotchkies, jewelry, purses, gift shop stuff. It's not cheap.

After years and years and years of this, I realized that my mother is showing her love the only way she knows how. She's a compulsive shopper. One way I can show love to her is to thank her, and do what I will (which is largely Goodwill).

She literally does the same with gifts I do to her - gives them back to me later, or gets rid of them.

My point is, it's not the gift that matters to her, it's the giving. Is your mom similar? Or does she need to see you wear it?