Inconsiderate gift (or AITA)?

[Anonymous]

FYI, in case it isn't autocorrect, the saying is "rubs me the wrong way." Not: "runs me the wrong way."

[Anonymous]

Does she ask about it? My mom is the same, but I think her joy is only in the giving, she never inquires about why I don't wear her (or any other) jewelry. I was wearing a necklace for a bit this winter and broke out in a horrible rash-so if you are looking for an excuse, that's one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI, in case it isn't autocorrect, the saying is "rubs me the wrong way." Not: "runs me the wrong way."

Oh, wow! Is this true? Didn’t realize that. Thanks so very much, PP!

[Anonymous]

Her joy is in shopping for it not the giving! People who believe in the gifts are just my love language BS are people who get a little high when they shop. They are masking what is a selfish behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mother, you know I don’t like jewelry. I have so much from you that I’ll need to start selling it on eBay, haha.” Said in a semi-serious tone.

This is not nice.

Continually giving your daughter things she’s told you multiple times she doesn’t like or wear isn’t nice either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her joy is in shopping for it not the giving! People who believe in the gifts are just my love language BS are people who get a little high when they shop. They are masking what is a selfish behavior.

Exactly. That “love language” pop psych drivel is the flavor of the month and it needs to fade into obscurity where it belongs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mother, you know I don’t like jewelry. I have so much from you that I’ll need to start selling it on eBay, haha.” Said in a semi-serious tone.

This is not nice.

Continually giving your daughter things she’s told you multiple times she doesn’t like or wear isn’t nice either.

There are better ways to handle it.
Ask to stop exchanging gifts or give her alternatives of something you do want. Sometimes family relationships are such that you just have to receive it gracefully and toss/donate it.

[Anonymous]

Accept the gift graciously. That's the polite thing to do. Then either sell or give away or throw away the gift. But don't tell your mom that's what you're doing. Be kind, OP, be kind.

[Anonymous]

Can you donate it to a womens shelter or a program that organizes work outfits for women in need? I’m sure getting brand new stuff is treat, and it has to be SOMEBODY’S style otherwise they wouldn’t make it.

[Anonymous]

Scarves, jewelry, household decor….I just say thanks and move on. I put it up on a buy nothing site and everything always gets taken.

[Anonymous]

Say thank you and return. It’s not rude. My mom is into quilts. Those I cannot return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her joy is in shopping for it not the giving! People who believe in the gifts are just my love language BS are people who get a little high when they shop. They are masking what is a selfish behavior.

I received gifts from jewelry to knickknacks to dishes to lamps to clothes to furniture. It never stopped and now my parents are deceased. It was overwhelming.

Best advice is don't do it to your own kids or relatives from young to adult. Let them make their own decisions - these givers often begin with control over a child's environment from rooms to clothes to toys.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/10/29/creepy-doll-halloween-unsettling-toys-matchmaker/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mother, you know I don’t like jewelry. I have so much from you that I’ll need to start selling it on eBay, haha.” Said in a semi-serious tone.

This is not nice.

Continually giving your daughter things she’s told you multiple times she doesn’t like or wear isn’t nice either.

There are better ways to handle it.
Ask to stop exchanging gifts or give her alternatives of something you do want. Sometimes family relationships are such that you just have to receive it gracefully and toss/donate it.

I think it has to be the former. People who relentlessly give bad gifts despite being told what the recipient actually wants, are not going to start paying attention. And they may still occasionally give you presents, but at least at that point you can leave them behind, donate, or throw out at will.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s passive aggressive or a control issue.

But also it may be that she is stuck in a rut. I have had to talk to people and let them know that - I work from home 100% and I don’t have the opportunity to use/wear certain gifts. My home is full and decorated and I don’t have the opportunity to display / use certain gifts. I don’t say I don’t want the gift or don’t like the gift. I acknowledge that I appreciate and recognize the effort and intent of gift.

The final option is appearances. I do not wear / need / like much jewelry. I don’t need or want gifts. My love language is acts of service and I know my husband loves me because he demonstrates it through his actions. I joke to my husband that I have an engagement ring and the diamond earrings he gave me for my 40th BD - and I don’t need any more jewelry for the rest of my marriage. Yet he buys me jewelry for Christmas and our anniversary. Partly it’s that gift giving is his love language- but he also admitted that he thinks it’s important that our sons see him giving me gifts so that they know how to be good partners. He also cares what his family thinks - they will ask him what he gave me for X holiday and if he says “nothing” or names a practical item I asked for they will be horrified.

[Anonymous]

Some people do it to start drama. My aunt does this. Then if her kids don’t thank her enough/ ask her to stop giving gifts/ don’t wear it/ donate it or whatever she goes into martyr mode and tries to drag other family into it. She tends to be controlling too and manipulative.