Any hope for my semi-feral children?

[Anonymous]

Had one of my kid’s friends over and I just about fell over to see how mature, nice, respectful, and helpful the friend was. It was like a dream, or like I was being pranked.

But it also made me so jealous, because I have been trying to raise our kids to be like that, but they are the opposite. Same age but so behind in terms of maturity, manners, ability to hold a conversation. Sometimes I feel like they are feral. My husband is equally handicapped in terms of manners, kindness, helpfulness, social skills, organizational and planning skills, and household help.

Is there hope for my children? They also do have great qualities- they are very smart, tenacious, and knowledgeable, and when they want something, nothing will deter them. They are also never mean or excluding on purpose. They enjoy being different and like to challenge norms and have a bit of an activist streak.

[Anonymous]

Train them and then set them up to practice respectful interactions with adults. Going door to door with a petition (for something not too controversial!) would be a good option for their “activist streak.” Do lots of scripting and practice.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure they're not wonderful when they're away from you? Some kids are awful at home and great in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Train them and then set them up to practice respectful interactions with adults. Going door to door with a petition (for something not too controversial!) would be a good option for their “activist streak.” Do lots of scripting and practice.

Barf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had one of my kid’s friends over and I just about fell over to see how mature, nice, respectful, and helpful the friend was. It was like a dream, or like I was being pranked.

But it also made me so jealous, because I have been trying to raise our kids to be like that, but they are the opposite. Same age but so behind in terms of maturity, manners, ability to hold a conversation. Sometimes I feel like they are feral. My husband is equally handicapped in terms of manners, kindness, helpfulness, social skills, organizational and planning skills, and household help.

Is there hope for my children? They also do have great qualities- they are very smart, tenacious, and knowledgeable, and when they want something, nothing will deter them. They are also never mean or excluding on purpose. They enjoy being different and like to challenge norms and have a bit of an activist streak.

Probably not if your husband is like that. I wouldn’t freak out about it, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Come on, what ages? 5 or 25?

[Anonymous]

Feral. How do these women find these complete loser husbands is beyond me

[Anonymous]

I feel this way when my neighbors kids come over, they are so sweet and polite. I’ve mentioned it a few times to my neighbor and asked her what her secret is and she says they are more unruly in their own home. I do, though, make extra effort for our kids to play together because her kids are a bit older and I think my kids respond well to seeing other, older kids they look up to, demonstrate good manners.

In your case, you might want to ask the parent if you feel comfortable doing so and I’d encourage your child to play with well mannered kids often, they do pick up the behavior from their peers.

[Anonymous]

I was like the friends as a kid. My parents socialized me a lot. Due to my dad's job I was constantly interacting with adults and had to be nice, sweet, and well behaved.

[Anonymous]

You have to train them like they’re puppies, seriously. Strictness and consistency work. Sorry it all falls on you though, OP. Being able to tag-team with a spouse is definitely helpful.

[Anonymous]

Routines and consistent levels of manners required at home. You need consistent routines that include daily practice for things like this. Pick a few things to address at a time, add more things as they get the first ones. You can’t expect a child to know how to act if you never teach them. Making it routine for them means they’re more likely to do it even when you’re not around or if different people are around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feral. How do these women find these complete loser husbands is beyond me

I always wonder why people marry someone like this? When I thought my husband was about to propose to me, I spent a few days REALLY thinking about who he was as a person. Is he friendly at parties? Is he good with money? Is he tactful? How does he manage his anger? Does he drink a lot? Is he kind to strangers? Does he maintain good friendships? Does he work hard? Does he have a fragile ego? Does he clean? Does he think women are equals? Is he kind to animals? Is his health important to him? And on and on.

[Anonymous]

Please tell us their ages.

For my 8 year old, he can present himself very well when away from us, but be a total hellion at home.

[Anonymous]

Kids usually act better when their parents aren't around. I'm often surprised when I get glowing reports about my kids' behavior or interactions because how they act when I'm around is not exactly spectacular or worthy of praise.

[Anonymous]

Siblings can get a bit crazy when they are all together. When possible, 1 on 1 time together in public can help. Let them order their ice cream, or buy something from a cashier without you getting involved. Remind them to say please and thank you. Practice.