Boyfriend teases me
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Anonymous
| My boyfriend makes fun of me daily. In general he is very sarcastic and funny, but I don’t like being teased all the time. It bothers me particularly because he is not good at giving words of affirmation. Through his actions I know that he cares for me and I enjoy his company, but the teasing sucks. I’ve voiced this and he said he understands. However the teasing seems to just be ingrained in him. Anyone just sick this type of thing up successfully? |
Anonymous
| If he can’t back off even after you’ve told him you don’t like it, he is not a considerate person. |
Anonymous
| Dump him. He is just trying to make you feel inferior. Sounds like he is insecure and is putting you down to make himself feel better. Terrible husband material. Move on. |
Anonymous
| “If you can’t stop teasing me after I’ve asked you to, I’m not going to want to continue this relationship. That’s how seriously I mean it. Is it more important to you to get to tease or to be with me?” |
Anonymous
+1 Great 👍🏽 advice right here! |
Anonymous
+2 It does sound completely unreasonable, because it is, and it was hard for me to believe that people actually do this. But I'm older and wiser now and I see it happening all the time. |
Anonymous
|
Can you give examples so that we know what you mean?
It is impossible to advise because I don’t know what you consider him “making fun of” you or “teasing.” |
Anonymous
| Sounds like my husband. He’s playful and teases me a lot. Sometimes it’s annoying and I have to tell him a few times to back off a certain subject. And he will but it can be annoying. He’s not trying to make me feel inferior but it’s not for everyone. He is also not great with words of affirmation so if that’s an important love language, you might want to reconsider dating. His long term ex GF really needed words of affirmation (I like them but have other stronger love languages he can meet my needs with), and it didn’t work out because of that and they had different senses of humor (I still find him funny). It’s completely valid to not like these traits and move on because they won’t really get better. |
Anonymous
| When people show you who they are, believe them. |
Anonymous
|
You've asked him to and he won't. This relationship should be terminated.
To those asking "what kind of teasing?" ... just stop. It doesn't matter. He's doing something she's asked him to stop doing. If OP's BF took a cup of water and dumped it on her every day, and she asked him to stop, but he didn't, would we be asking "Was it boiling hot water, or was it ice water?" TBH, DCUM probably would. For those of you who think it matters what kind of teasing she's getting, it doesn't. She's asked him to stop. So it's like she's getting a cup of ice water dumped on her every day. No, it doesn't leave physical scars. But she shouldn't be subjected to this. She asked that he stop. But instead he goes back to the sink to get another glass of water to dump on her. It's easy to be kind. He's not being kind. |
Anonymous
| Give an example OP. The type of teasing is important here. |
Anonymous
| DCUM is always too quick with "dump him" advice. In long lasting relationships, these are the things you both need to work on. "teasing" is no reason for breakup without trying. |
Anonymous
+1
It's not, actually. What matters is how it makes OP feel. She doesn't like it and has made that clear to him and yet he continues to do it. What else do we need to know? |
Anonymous
| Dump the muthaeffa and find someone who isn’t a total loser. |
Anonymous
|
My DH was like this. It has gotten a lot better over the years, both the teasing stopping and also him getting better at words of affirmation. But this required me to set clear boundaries and let him know when he was crossing them, and for us both to communicate well. So I do know it is possible for someone who does this to change. In my DH's case, he was retreating to sarcasm as a self-protective measure, and he needed to get to a point of trust where he could drop that.
However, I will still note here that he is still capable of going to that place and sarcastically saying very hurtful things when we are in conflict. It happens very rarely at this point (like I can only think of twice within the last few years this has happened) but we are all capable of offering the worst of ourselves and that's his. I'll also note that while he is WAY better at offering words of affirmation now, it will never be his default. I think this is a common issue for men and I remember dealing with this with ex-boyfriends before him. They often say similar things. Like something I've heard before is "well I don't want to compliment you all the time because then I feel like it loses its impact." I think that's a real explanation -- I wouldn't want to be with someone who was just always telling me how great I am out of habit. It would get old and start to feel pointless or worse, manipulative. I'm speaking on this from a very different perspective, of course. When I started dating my DH, I was in a different place mentally and if I were the person I am now, I'm not sure I would have stuck it out with him after those early days where he could be very sarcastic and sometimes cutting. We've grown together into better people and partners. I think if you really care about him otherwise and he has other good qualities and you are compatible in other ways (which was definitely very true with my DH, we've always been such a good fit for each other in most ways) it could be worth it to simply talk to him about it and see if you can work on it together. But if he's very resistant or thinks these requests are unreasonable, that's a good sign that you may too be right for each other. This is clearly important to you, and if he can't see that or doubles down on "well this is just how I am", I don't think I'd want to try and fight that battle. |