who pays for dinner, and how do you decide?

[Anonymous]

You'd think that we'd have figured it out by now, but no.
Two of us traveled to DC for Father's Day. (The other two siblings live on the West Coast).
Dad likes to eat out--at his age, it's all he really does outside the house, and since the weather was iffy, we confined ourselves to dinner out as the celebration. [Otherwise we might have bought theater/movie tickets or something.]
My sister is vegan, and my dad thought it would be nice to go to a vegan place Saturday night. Went to a place that was EXORBITANT. My Dad didn't take out his wallet, so I paid. My sister felt bad and offered to pay half, but she had driven a far distance [with gas prices being what they are] and none of us expected to pay since Sunday was Father's Day--the Saturday night was "extra" (my sister hadn't even unpacked or had a chance to grab a sweater before she was whisked off to the restaurant! I said I'd pay (though it was a real stretch for me, financially) but she insisted on paying half so we gave the waitress two credit cards.
I paid on Sunday, as I expected to.
My sister, who insisted on paying for half of Saturday night's dinner, is furious at my father and is talking about this, still.
Thoughts? This hasn't happened before--if Dad suggests we go out, he usually pays. We were taken aback.
I'm cooking dinner next year for all. I have a year to learn to cook a vegan meal.

[Anonymous]

All I can advise is that you prepare yourself when you visit. Either bring a meal or check out the menu of the restaurant your father might suggest. Regarding who is paying, since it was Father's Day, maybe your dad assumed it was a gift.

[Anonymous]

Are you poor? To guys are pissed about paying for Father's Day dinner? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Any adult should always be prepared to pay, and by that I mean, if someone suggests Fancy Vegan Restaurant, go online and look into it. If it looks out of budget, say you'd rather go to This Restaurant Instead. If they ask why you don't want to go to Fancy Vegan Restaurant, you can honestly say it's out of budget, and then they can either say oh I understand, or step up and offer to pay.

If I was with my dad on Father's Day weekend, I'd always expect to pay, even if that meant Saturday and Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Vegan? Just put out a bowl of fruit and call it a day. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you poor? To guys are pissed about paying for Father's Day dinner? Seriously?

OP is talking about the "extra" dinner on Saturday night.

Sorry you guys were thrown an unexpected charge. Best you can do is use it for info next time when he offers to eat out to either look at the menu first or suggest cooking at home. and vegan sister can help you decide next year's menu since she's well-versed.

[Anonymous]

When my extended family goes out we ask for separate checks for each family unit, right up front. My family tends to spend the most (DH likes high end booze and our kids order off the adult menu) and don't expect to be subsidized by my water-drinking sister and her nugget-eating DD, or my aging parents with tiny appetites.

I would treat my dad for Father's Day, though, even if the Saturday dinner was "extra.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my extended family goes out we ask for separate checks for each family unit, right up front. My family tends to spend the most (DH likes high end booze and our kids order off the adult menu) and don't expect to be subsidized by my water-drinking sister and her nugget-eating DD, or my aging parents with tiny appetites.

I would treat my dad for Father's Day, though, even if the Saturday dinner was "extra.'

PP here to add that if money was tight, next year's visit I'd say up front I was up for one dinner out and otherwise would be happy to pitch in with cooking/groceries at home.

[Anonymous]

What restaurant?

[Anonymous]

You guys are nuts. You went to visit your father on Father's Day weekend. He should not pay for anything. He was trying to do something nice by finding a WHOLE restaurant your sister could eat at - not just one item on a menu. Suck. It. Up.

[Anonymous]

Really? You are pissed at your Dad for not paying? How much was dinner? How old is he?

My parents do usually pay if it is just us kids (not spouses). But when we are out with our spouses we typically split it at the minimum.

[Anonymous]

It's rather thoughtless on dad's part to pick an exorbitant restaurant and expect to be treated. That's not kosher. Now you have your lessons and always look up the menu before agreeing to go. Do not let anyone rush you out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rather thoughtless on dad's part to pick an exorbitant restaurant and expect to be treated. That's not kosher. Now you have your lessons and always look up the menu before agreeing to go. Do not let anyone rush you out the door.

My guess is he didn't realize the prices - just knew one daughter is vegan and figured out he knew of a vegan restaurant and was proud of himself for finding this for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rather thoughtless on dad's part to pick an exorbitant restaurant and expect to be treated. That's not kosher. Now you have your lessons and always look up the menu before agreeing to go. Do not let anyone rush you out the door.

My guess is he didn't realize the prices - just knew one daughter is vegan and figured out he knew of a vegan restaurant and was proud of himself for finding this for her.

I can understand that. But once you sit down with the menu, you realize this is out of the normal range of restaurant spending that your kids typically pay. The least he could do was offer to split it with them.

[Anonymous]

I usually say "I'm paying for my family and dad" and hand the waitress the credit card. I'm not paying for siblings and their families.