Would you be friendly with SIL & BIL after they decided you are an awful family member?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a family group text with my DH, his 2 younger sisters and the husband of one of the two sisters.

In 2020, at the start of the pandemic, one of my SILs asked a question on the family group chat. It was about a family matter, related to their elderly mother, my MIL. In reply to this I expressed my opinion and said it was a really bad idea, because of x, y and z. I gave clear reasons why I thought it was a bad idea.

Both SILs got upset. SIL1 rang my husband to complain about me. A few weeks later she blocked me from messaging her privately. Up until this time both my SILs hadn't said anything to me directly (verbally).

Three months later my DH texted BIL about something unrelated and mentioned that I was still blocked by SIL (his sister). BIL replied angrily to DH and said I had caused them stress and then went on to list my failings and shortcomings as a family member and a person. All of this in a text.
DH then rang BIL and they had an argument.

Fast forward to Christmas 2020 and SIL1 gets in touch with me again as if nothing had happened.

I saw SIL1 again at a family function recently (first time we saw each other in person since late 2019). She was cordial but we didn't really talk. I haven't seen BIL, her husband, since all of this happened.
I am still on the family group text.

Both SILs have never talked to me about all this in person.

[Anonymous]

I would attempt friendly once. After that I would not put the energy into it and stick with polite.

[Anonymous]

My SIL hates me and will not contact me in any way. All communication goes through my husband, her brother. At holidays we smile and act polite. It is pointless to try and fix these things if there's no real relationship there. You only risk making it worse.

[Anonymous]

I don’t criticize my in laws in any way. I don’t think it would ever be received well.

Curious. How is your DH and his BIL relationship after their argument?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t criticize my in laws in any way. I don’t think it would ever be received well.

Curious. How is your DH and his BIL relationship after their argument?

I'm OP. The relationship between my DH and BIL after the argument is polite but somewhat distant. They'll never be best buddies. DH thinks BIL can be sanctimonious.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is on you. Unless you've been married forever and have a super close relationship with your SILs, you should have kept your mouth shut about their mother. Whatever you said in that text could easily have just been said to your husband in private.

You blew it. You failed Being A Smart IL 101.

[Anonymous]

I would be polite. And I would never have weighed in on the conversation in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Exhibit A for why you don't criticize by text, OP. It always seems harsher than if you say it in person.

You started it, OP, and they retaliated. Now they've finished their pouting, and want to have a relationship with you again. Be friendly, act as if nothing had happened, and don't make the same mistake twice! I'm not saying these are reasonable people, but they're in your life, and unless they attack you in the future for no reason, you owe it to the family to try and make it work this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is on you. Unless you've been married forever and have a super close relationship with your SILs, you should have kept your mouth shut about their mother. Whatever you said in that text could easily have just been said to your husband in private.

You blew it. You failed Being A Smart IL 101.

We've been married for 24 years. I am on the family group text and my SIL asked a direct question. What's the point of being on a group text if one isn't allowed to express their opinion? It's only an opinion after all, not a summons.

I should have kept my mouth shut ... but what about BIL? He's a BIL, not a son.

[Anonymous]

Wow. What did you say, OP? Any opinion must take this into consideration.

[Anonymous]

If it were a private matter why did SIL put it in a group text with 3 souses and not just the siblings? SIL and BIL sounds like brats. I’d opt out of a relationship with them all together.

[Anonymous]

*spouses*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is on you. Unless you've been married forever and have a super close relationship with your SILs, you should have kept your mouth shut about their mother. Whatever you said in that text could easily have just been said to your husband in private.

You blew it. You failed Being A Smart IL 101.

We've been married for 24 years. I am on the family group text and my SIL asked a direct question. What's the point of being on a group text if one isn't allowed to express their opinion? It's only an opinion after all, not a summons.

I should have kept my mouth shut ... but what about BIL? He's a BIL, not a son.

I’m a pp and I have uncles who still don’t comment after over 50 years ‘in’ the family. Just because you’re in the group chat (or even in person having a group conversation) you still don’t criticize. Is this the first time you’ve done this in 24 years? And to compare your relationship to the family to your DH BILs is meaningless. You two are different people/ personalities and I’m sure say different things to different people. OP you messed up on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were a private matter why did SIL put it in a group text with 3 souses and not just the siblings? SIL and BIL sounds like brats. I’d opt out of a relationship with them all together.

OP. Exactly. If someone is asking a direct question on a group text of which I am part then I will assume that I can express my opinion like everyone else.

I think they were all getting stressed in the early days of the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

It depends entirely on what you said.